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I am wondering if her plans to get a full physical and review of medications will be carried out as "efficiently" as her other "plans".
Expect to hear, 'Oh his office was booked through June, and I really am feeling better. But thanks for looking out for me. I'll just take some more vitamins and when it gets warmer I'll feel like excercising more. Maybe I'll get in to see the doctor this summer, work it about Labor Day. But not if its hot, the sun makes me tired. But I'll get right to it! How about lunch?'
This could happen - we'll see.
If she says, "How bout lunch?" I am going to say, "Sure - sounds like fun - but you need to know that I expect you to be there and be on time and if you're not, it's going to really hurt our relationship and I'll seriously re evaluate spending any time with you in the future. I hate to be so blunt, but you know how I feel about and you and I both have agreed that my expectations are reasonable."
I'm just now seeing this thread and haven't read all the posts so I apologize if this has been mentioned.
Has she recently had her thyroid checked?
Because many of the problems you describe are exactly how my hypothyroidism was manifesting when I was in my early 50s - sluggishness, exhaustion, frustration, fogginess, confusion, inability to concentrate, and most of all extreme forgetfulness.
I taught school at the time and the kicker was when I called our campus counselor to ask her to arrange a parent IEP meeting, she said "We had that meeting yesterday, don't you remember?" I went to her office and asked to see the forms. My handwritten notes and signature were all over them, I had indeed sat through a meeting that I had no memory at all of. She said "You need to see a doctor ASAP!" I did and my TSH level was waaaay off the charts; normal is about 3-5 and mine was 50. Within a couple of weeks after starting synthroid, my life turned around.
I'm 67 now and have a better memory than anyone I know.
I'm just now seeing this thread and haven't read all the posts so I apologize if this has been mentioned.
Has she recently had her thyroid checked?
Because many of the problems you describe are exactly how my hypothyroidism was manifesting when I was in my early 50s - sluggishness, exhaustion, frustration, fogginess, confusion, inability to concentrate, and most of all extreme forgetfulness.
I taught school at the time and the kicker was when I called our campus counselor to ask her to arrange a parent IEP meeting, she said "We had that meeting yesterday, don't you remember?" I went to her office and asked to see the forms. My handwritten notes and signature were all over them, I had indeed sat through a meeting that I had no memory at all of. She said "You need to see a doctor ASAP!" I did and my TSH level was waaaay off the charts; normal is about 3-5 and mine was 50. Within a couple of weeks after starting synthroid, my life turned around.
I'm 67 now and have a better memory than anyone I know.
Wow!
You're at least the second person who has suggested it might be thyroid problems, and your story is VERY interesting. I did mention possible thyroid issues with her today and she said she will specifically ask her doctor to check her thyroid levels. I hope she follows through!
If she wasn't always like this, I would be worried. Alzheimer's often starts rearing its ugly head in the early 60s, but people write it off as flakiness or bad manners. She could also be having drug-drug interactions depending on what she's taking, she could have gone through a late menopause and insomnia and the inability to concentrate are part of her symptoms, it could be her thyroid, or it could even be what happened to my mother in her early 60s: She could have a plaque build-up in her carotid arteries that is hindering bloodflow, and hence oxygen, to her brain. My parents came to visit me and my mother didn't recognize me. I insisted that my father take her to the hospital, where she spent three weeks getting stents put in because she had 90% blockage on both sides. Docs said if I hadn't pressured my father to take her, she'd have died within a month.
If she wasn't always like this, I would be worried. Alzheimer's often starts rearing its ugly head in the early 60s, but people write it off as flakiness or bad manners. She could also be having drug-drug interactions depending on what she's taking, she could have gone through a late menopause and insomnia and the inability to concentrate are part of her symptoms, it could be her thyroid, or it could even be what happened to my mother in her early 60s: She could have a plaque build-up in her carotid arteries that is hindering bloodflow, and hence oxygen, to her brain. My parents came to visit me and my mother didn't recognize me. I insisted that my father take her to the hospital, where she spent three weeks getting stents put in because she had 90% blockage on both sides. Docs said if I hadn't pressured my father to take her, she'd have died within a month.
Err on the side of compassion and forgiveness.
I totally agree. I also do think that she needs to get to a doctor. If she puts that off, then we're going to have a problem, because not only am I worried about HER and her health, she also can't just continue to treat our friendship so haphazardly.
There was a long silence and then she said slowly, "Okay.....I didn't realize you were going to be this mad."
Kathryn, it sounds like you handled this beautifully---and I can understand why you would want to give this long-time friend another chance.
But---this one sentence doesn't sit well with me. It's kind of a non-apology, like someone saying "I'm sorry if you were offended." It sounds like she would have continued to do this on and on ad infinitum as long as you didn't get "this mad." It doesn't sound like she was going to try to ever improve her behavior just because you are such a fabulous friend that you deserve better. It doesn't sound like she would have cleaned up her act because it was the right thing to do---to be the best person she can be.
Had she said, "OMG---I didn't realize I have been cancelling so much, not following through, being so rude and inconsiderate," that would be one thing. But with what she said about not realizing you would be this mad, it sounds like she was just hoping that the lack of consequences would have continued---that you would accept her behavior without getting very mad about it.
It's kind of like when people get caught who have committed a crime. They then regret their "mistake." But a mistake is carelessly adding up numbers incorrectly. It's not committing an unlawful act that ultimately hurts someone/something else. And are they really sorry they did it? Or just sorry that they were caught?
So---try again. Even be cautiously optimistic. I know it's only one sentence. But it does seem to say that she thought her behavior was basically okay and that you wouldn't adversely react (and basically you haven't been reacting until now). I guess it's possible she may try to improve to retain your friendship. But it would be so much better if she wanted to improve so that she could be a better person and because you deserve a reliable friend----and not just so that you won't be mad at her.
Last edited by jazzcat22; 01-14-2016 at 07:33 PM..
Kathryn, it sounds like you handled this beautifully---and I can understand why you would want to give this long-time friend another chance.
But---this one sentence doesn't sit well with me. It's kind of a non-apology, like someone saying "I'm sorry if you were offended." It sounds like she would have continued to do this on and on ad infinitum as long as you didn't get "this mad." It doesn't sound like she was going to try to ever improve her behavior just because you are such a fabulous friend that you deserve better. It doesn't sound like she would have cleaned up her act because it was the right thing to do---to be the best person she can be.
Had she said, "OMG---I didn't realize I have been cancelling so much, not following through, being so rude and inconsiderate," that would be one thing. But with what she said about not realizing you would be this mad, it sounds like she was just hoping that the lack of consequences would have continued---that you would accept her behavior without getting very mad about it.
It's kind of like when people get caught who have committed a crime. They then regret their "mistake." But a mistake is carelessly adding up numbers incorrectly. It's not committing an unlawful act that ultimately hurts someone/something else. And are they really sorry they did it? Or just sorry that they were caught?
So---try again. Even be cautiously optimistic. I know it's only one sentence. But it does seem to say that she thought her behavior was basically okay and that you wouldn't adversely react (and basically you haven't been reacting until now). I guess it's possible she may try to improve to retain your friendship. But it would be so much better if she wanted to improve so that she could be a better person and because you deserve a reliable friend----and not just so that you won't be mad at her.
OH I totally agree with your take on that sentence - it crawled all over me when she said it. But she apologized for HER behavior later in the conversation and again this morning when she called. I think that was her initial, knee jerk, defensive reaction but she walked it back.
I would't agree to meet her for any event until she has seen the doctor. When she actually visits the doctor, then she means business. Until then, she's simply stringing you along.
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