Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I'm going to say this. Op, you do not love your son. Enabling him is easier for you then to deal with the real issues he has.
You don't care about him. You don't want to do the hard work to help him to be responsible and to make it in life. You made it impossible for him to have a happy life. Unless he himself decides to change nothing will change. You don't care enough about him to do something now and you didn't care enough about him when he was a child. The one I feel sorry for is the innocent baby being brought into the world by two immature adults. That doesn't seem to bother you.
If I had an irresponsible, careless, entitled son like yours I wouldn't let him near anything mechanical that I paid good money for. And, I'd make him understand the value of things, not just let him off with that attitude.
You do realize that he's getting his crappy attitude from somewhere don't you? What happened to accountability, responsibility etc.? It sounds like your husband is trying to knock some sense into him but it will only work if you back him up.
Give that kid (almost adult) a taste of the real world
P.S. I think you should go for real therapy instead of using this forum for it.
OP, you say you come here for therapy. I think you come here for acceptance. After scanning all the advice you've been given, I went back to your opening post and saw this:
This sums up your problems. There's no compromise, no heeding logic, even when you know that what you have been doing doesn't work. We can't help you here.
I think it is also important to point out that THIS IS NOT THERAPY! WE ARE NOT PROFESSIONALS! If the OP needs therapy, she needs to see a licensed therapist.
How many wives would honestly go for this? Albeit a great way to get things back on track I seriously doubt the OP is going to go for that.
On this, we agree. OP is already having control and dominance issues if she's knocking heads with him knowing full well he's right. She can't even concede that much. So chances are she's not going to fall lock-step into what he wants to do.
That's why I hope she listens and focuses on the ideas he has or whatever else it is he's about to say, and takes it all on its merits, vs. just being contrary in an attempt to be the one to call the shots. He may have ideas for a solution. This really seems like a marriage of adversaries, at least from her end.
My advice to you would be to get your son to join the military so that he can get out of the mess he's created. In the military, he will:
1) be forced to learn some discipline
2) be guaranteed a steady income
3) be able to support a wife & child (And yes, he SHOULD marry the gf. They planned this child together, so they are responsible for raising him/her together.)
5) receive housing so that he will no longer have to live with you, and destroy your marriage in the process
4) receive training which will enable him to get skills that will help him find good jobs after he completes his military commitment
5) qualify for veteran's benefits (financial, employment, health, etc.)
Didn't read the whole thread so if someone has already said this, but NO. We DO NOT want him in the military. The service is not the place to fix someone else's screw-up. The job is too important and too many lives are at stake to place at risk just to teach a lazy arse to grow up.
Didn't read the whole thread so if someone has already said this, but NO. We DO NOT want him in the military. The service is not the place to fix someone else's screw-up. The job is too important and too many lives are at stake to place at risk just to teach a lazy arse to grow up.
As you all know my 19 year old son is back home with us after failing out of college last year. my son and his brother broke the windshield in the car .... the windshield was never fixed. My son was driving around with the bright lights on because she didn't feel he wanted to buy the replacement bulbs then the high beam lights still worked.
... but I guess my son wasn't that interested in learning.... and when my son went and picked up the car he was driving it somewhere and the engine died.
I asked my husband if his dad wouldn't mind picking my son up and taking him to school everyday and my husband literally laughed saying he's almost 80 and isn't in the best of health so no, he wasn't even going to ask him. I then asked if his mom wouldn't mind letting my son use her car. Again my husband said no. Both his parents are retired and just sit at home all day. When one of his brother or sister's cars has to go to the shop his mom will just give them her car. I don't see why she won't do it so my son can get back and forth to school and work.
This weekend I was arguing with my husband about his truck. He doesn't loan it out to ANYONE. He hardly lets me drive it. He's had it about 2 years and I've probably driven it maybe 20 times. He's NEVER even let my son get in the driver's seat much less even back it out of the driveway. He says I need to cut the apron strings and let him grow up and handle his business. I just feel that as his mom I need to be there for him.
My husband said that ever time my son wants to go somewhere I just hand over my keys. Yes, he's 19 and still at home but he's a good kid. He's in school taking classes and he's going to be a dad soon cause he and his 20 year old girlfriend decided they were ready for a baby. Nothing we can do about that. He's my son and I need to be there for him.
I just feel that he's not willing to lift a finger to help my son. I know he's right but I just don't know what to do.
One word....loser. Your sons are both losers.
He borrowed his cousin's car, broke the windshield, can't be bothered to simply replace a bulb, and can't even change the oil.
Then YOU have the NERVE to ask if your 80 yo FIL wouldn't "mind" schlepping your loser around?!? Seriously? You actually legitimately thought that was a good idea?!?
And then you actually asked if your loser son could borrow (and very likely ruin) his MIL's car?!? Again, seriously?!?
I completely understand your DH not allowing the loser to sit in the driver's seat of his truck, too. He'd probably hit something.
And no, your son is NOT a "good kid". Good kids do not throw cell phones at windshields, break windshields on purpose, then not fix it. Good kids also do proper maintenance on a vehicle they are using but do not own. Good kids do not intentionally knock up a girl while not having a decent job, having their own reliable transportation, paying for their own roof over their head...
Your kids are losers. (Your other son is a felon with 7 or 8 arrests, so there is no argument at all on that one being a loser).
Talk the gf into putting that poor baby up for adoption. It's the only way it will have a chance at a decent life.
And you know what to do...cut the apron strings, kick him out, make him repay his debts, and listen to your husband. He's right.
OP married the guy. She has 2 kids from her first marriage. Wife had a sister who died (previous posts) and now that daughter lives with the grandparents. Grandparents have a 3rd car that they are letting the grand daughter (niece) use then when she went off to school although the car now belongs to the niece, the niece is letting her cousin, the OPs son drive the car until she comes home for breaks from college. Ops husband told step-son that the least he could do was keep up the maintenance on the car since she's letting him drive it. Step-son isn't interested in maintaining the car so instead of changing the oil when the oil light came on he just kept dumping more oil into it thus overfilling it. As far as the windshield, the OPs two sons were arguing one day and one of them threw a cell phone at it and majorly cracked it. OP hasn't held either of them accountable for anything where as the OPs husband has been fighting a battle to get her to stand up to the plate and do so. OP keeps coming here complaining about things the husband is doing which any of us would look at as normal. she just finds fault in everything he does. Has this cleared everything up for you.
Thank you so much.
Always smart to throw a hard object at glass....just brilliant.
Wow, you guys are really having a field day with my misery.
My husband just informed me that he wants to have a sit down with me, my son, and the girlfriend.
What should I do? Should I let him?
Please stay logged in here and breathlessly post breaking updates moment by moment!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
