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The better question the husband should be asking is how to get himself out of this mess.
D I V O R C E.
Someone needs to get that message to him.
I firmly believe in "till death due you part" (except for things like abuse) and even I would be advising your husband to get a divorce ASAP.
Quote:
Originally Posted by convextech
Your son is an irresponsible little asshat and he doesn't deserve to drive ANY car, much less a car that is owned by someone that is not even in your immediate family. I blame you for this, because you have not taken him to task and made him do what he is supposed to do, nor have you taken his privileges away, and you are the one using your niece's car to keep yourself from having to cart your little snowflake around.
You should be paying for your niece's new engine, then you either tell your kid he has to find his own way to school, or YOU do it, not your husband's dad, or mom, or anyone else. I damn sure wouldn't loan your kid my car after he tore up his cousin's car!
And now your attitude about him knocking up his girlfriend?
What are you thinking? You need more help than anyone here, in the form of therapy, because your husband is absolutely right, and you are enabling this kid to become another scrub on society. Your other son is already in prison; this one will be next.
If I were your husband, this would be a dealbreaker, and I'd be out.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Snowed08
Excuse me, my oldest is not in prison.
THAT is your only comment to convextech excellent post?!?!
Yes, your son needs to immediately pay for the new engine in his cousin's car. And, if he can not pay for it right now YOU (not your husband, you) need to pay for it out of your own money and set up a payment plan for your son to pay you back the money that you spend on the engine.
BTW, the grossly irresponsible way that your son cares for someone else's property/car likely will carry over to how he cares for his child. I would not be surprised if he starves or neglects the child. At least once social services takes away your grandchild they won't be damaged by being raised by your son (who acts like a 10 year old child himself).
Again, maybe this is my therapy. I know he's right but sometime you just don't want to hear "I told you so". Especially from the person you love and hope to build a future with. That's why therapy is so big now. People are more willing to take advise from a total stranger than someone who lives in the same house as them. I guess I'm just tired of hearing my husband say I told you so.
Maybe you should try actually listening to and using the good advice he has given. That way you won't have to hear "I told you so".
And you should make your son pay for the repair or replacement of your nieces car. Make him take some responsibility for his actions.
He's paying for it with his paycheck from work. The hard thing is this. This was suppose to be a seasonal job but he was told the other week that they wanted him to remain as a permanent employee. Now he has no way to get to work and his job isn't on the bus line. It's actually in the next city from us. My husband said that he's not going to stay up till 10 PM every night to go get him cause some nights he's tired too and just wants to go to bed. He told me this weekend that had he just done the minimum and changed the oil we probably wouldn't have this problem.
Again, your husband is right.
If you want your son to have a ride give him your car, not your husbands, or his parents, or your cousins, or the neighbors. YOURS. That way when he destroys your car you can deal with the problem yourself.
Your son should if possible move closer to work so he could walk to work or ride his bike. My son at 19 lived on his own with roommates and worked two jobs till he found a job to support himself .
He can't afford a place right now cause tuition is taking the majority of his paycheck. My husband has suggested that he find a job closer to home. There are 10 fast food places and a grocery store within a wile of our house but he doesn't want to work there. My husband said a 5 minute drive down the street is much better than a 20 minute drive down the highway at night to go pick him up from work.
He told me this weekend that had he just done the minimum and changed the oil we probably wouldn't have this problem.
And he is exactly right. The thing is that this should not be a "we" problem. It should be a "he" (as in your son) problem. He messed up. He needs to fix it. Let him be an ADULT.
This was turfed from the relationship section. This is part of a continual pattern by the op. It is more of the same.
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