Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My mom was told by her mother that she never wanted a daughter, only wanted to have sons. This was back in the 20s and therapy wasn't available, nor affordable by any means.
It adversely affected my mom for the rest of her life.
What difference does any of this mean now? I had two crappy parents also. Move on. That was then, live in the NOW. You're not doing yourself any favors by looking in the rear view mirror. Keep an eye on where you want to go not where you've been. My opinion.....
My God OP cry me a river. Some of us would give a limb for a childhood as you describe.
My mother was a sadistic nut who caused pain for her own satisfaction and as a helpless infant/child I was a wonderful toy for her.
Other adults in the home IGNORED this and catered to her, even though she treated everyone horribly. This both baffled and scarred me in a more permanent way than her abuse. What kind of humans don't help an infant being tortured, rather, cover up for the torturer?
So I had not only the abuse but the experience of so-called normal adults not helping me and buttkissing the abuser. The abuse was from age 0-18yrs every day and unrelenting and in many interesting forms as struck her whim of the day.
You have a loving mother and you are complaining and scarred for life?
You have NO IDEA how insulting your post is to those who have been truly and severely abused.
my birth mother didn't want me, I never knew her or my father, I was adopted.
Me too. I'd always assumed my birth story was like most adopted people my age: unwed teenage mother who couldn't care for a child. Nope... married, educated professional couple with 2 sons who after 6 months decided a 3rd child was too much trouble. Adopted by parents who acted put out by their kids even though they chose to adopt. Maybe societal pressure got to them. I'd say I was pretty much the poster child for unwanted. Only thing you can do is accept it says nothing about you and everything about the people who created and/or raised you. I refuse to let either pair define my life.
My God OP cry me a river. Some of us would give a limb for a childhood as you describe.
My mother was a sadistic nut who caused pain for her own satisfaction and as a helpless infant/child I was a wonderful toy for her.
Other adults in the home IGNORED this and catered to her, even though she treated everyone horribly. This both baffled and scarred me in a more permanent way than her abuse. What kind of humans don't help an infant being tortured, rather, cover up for the torturer?
So I had not only the abuse but the experience of so-called normal adults not helping me and buttkissing the abuser. The abuse was from age 0-18yrs every day and unrelenting and in many interesting forms as struck her whim of the day.
You have a loving mother and you are complaining and scarred for life?
You have NO IDEA how insulting your post is to those who have been truly and severely abused.
I'll go along with this. The OP had 2 parents who at least talked to her and tolerated her. You and I both know that that is not always the case.
But, still, I remember how hard it was, being not quite 18 and alone in the world. Those years can be tough, and they can go on a long time, too. But it's all doable; success and happiness can be found.
For The Record, therapy is not always needed. Some people have suggested that, and there may be a need for something, but not always. Those who have truly been abandoned can't afford it, anyway.
Ironic, isn't it? You have to be successful before you can afford mental health care.
Me too. I'd always assumed my birth story was like most adopted people my age: unwed teenage mother who couldn't care for a child. Nope... married, educated professional couple with 2 sons who after 6 months decided a 3rd child was too much trouble. Adopted by parents who acted put out by their kids even though they chose to adopt. Maybe societal pressure got to them. I'd say I was pretty much the poster child for unwanted. Only thing you can do is accept it says nothing about you and everything about the people who created and/or raised you. I refuse to let either pair define my life.
I was born a few years after WW2 ended, mother was separated from her husband, in her 20s, father was an American G.I. returning home, not sure how long they knew each other, probably "ships that pass in the night", mother was working couldn't keep me and work as well, so I was adopted by a couple who DID want a child, I was brought up as an "only" child in a loving family home, got no complaints, their both gone now.
Unwanted (in your opinion) or not OP - I suspect you are unhappy for other reasons or "just because" - and this is a scapegoat.
Unplanned/unwanted before birth and bonding and raising day after day for years...doesn't really matter. Much more weight as to what happens AFTER birth and throughout life.
I was extremely planned and likely wanted...but I am still f---ked up. I just don't blame it on my parents.
OP, you're 24. It's an age where a lot of people feel lost. I was a wreck when I was that age. Life seemed terribly scary and intimidating. Don't lay the blame for this on your parents' relationship.
Your reasoning is flawed, for one thing - you were wanted. Your mother would not have been such a good mom if you hadn't been. Your dad's a dick for telling you that he wanted you aborted - I suspect he's got a few issues himself. And given that you have an older brother, you weren't the sole reason they stayed together.
Get yourself evaluated for depression and work with a therapist to develop a flexible life plan for yourself. This feeling of being unwanted is just a distraction from your real issues, and until you address those, I think happiness will be elusive.
But it didn't take me long to know that I didn't want them.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
