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I'm inclined to think that the girl is getting to the age that she just doesn't enjoy doing things like this with her parent's friends and would rather be with her friends. Sounds like she is acting like a lot of preteen girls unfortunately. Just doing the mom's nights like you suggested would be best.
...but I'm kind of wondering if we need to start limiting whole-family interactions with this family.
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Originally Posted by rev03
...it just makes me wonder if we should just not have the whole family over anymore.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rev03
...I think I'll just stick to meeting with the mom the few times we do moms' nights and leave it at that.
You are overacting, and since you keep repeating this ^^^^ like a mantra without really taking note on the good advice that has been given to you, perhaps cutting off ties is not a bad idea after all. Some parents can get a bit obnoxious expecting everybody to love/adore their kids. Your child might not feel entitled to the girl's attention, but you certainly are. Sorry.
My family is good friends with another family. We both have two kids that are around the same ages and are the same grade in school (go to different schools, though). Our older kids are 7. Mine is a boy and theirs is a girl. The girl is about 6 months older than my boy and is turning 8 soon, if that makes any difference. The girl has always had a little bit of a moody personality and has always had issues talking to adults. I've offered her cookies before and she has turned her body completely away from me without responding, which is fine, I've thought maybe she is kind of shy around adults other than her parents. However, she has started to also be standoffish with my kid, so I don't know if it's just a grumpy mood that she's in or what exactly. My boy is pretty friendly and always enthusiastic to see her but she often doesn't respond to him when he asks her what she wants to do or just says no when he suggests something. My kid is pretty good at shrugging these rebuffs off but I'm kind of wondering if we need to start limiting whole-family interactions with this family.
What would be the best way to deal with this kind of situation? Should we just ignore it and keep getting together with this family or start not accepting invitations or accept their invitations but not issue out as many of our own? We like the parents a lot and our younger kids get along very well (both 4-year old girls), but I don't always like seeing my boy treated unkindly.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rev03
I agree that we can't force the kids to be friends, but that's why I'm wondering if it's best to not have this girl over anymore. If she's not enjoying herself and is just acting bored to be at our house and is not interested in interacting with any of us, it just makes me wonder if we should just not have the whole family over anymore. We do have plenty of toys and it's not like we're trying to force her to play with my son. They have been friends in the past, I will say, so I'm not sure if she has just been in a bad mood recently. I guess it just makes me a little uncomfortable to see that she is kind of in a sullen mood about having to be somewhere we invited them to.
It sounds like you think the fact that they are opposite genders is an issue? I will note that her dad likes to brag that she is not a "girly" girl and likes "boy" things, so I guess I never saw that as an issue. My son is friends with both boys and girls at school and does not seem to be interested in girls in "that" way right now. He's kind of like a friendly puppy, but I could tell him to not be too friendly to her when he sees her?
OP from my own experience I think you may understand something. I had a primary school friend we had very deep friendship. After we graduated even though from different countries, universities what so ever she moved to the country where I live for past 22 years. With her marriage 11 years ago. At that time I was r married and we got on very well.
We both got pregnant in the same period and she gave her son birth on 03 December and my daughter on 6 December in the same hospital. When our kids babies were everything went well.
When time pass my daughter turn in to a total tomboy. She is sort of interested in stuff that we think as "men stuff" motor cycle racing ,, car racing, planes, but there was a moment that my daughter push a baby buggy and play mommy to her dolls and the next day wearing a mustache and play Daddy to the same dolls . It is depend on the place as well the mood and what is in her mind at the moment. That is logical and totally natural that is why we call them KIDS aren't we.
When we visit some one or this relevant friend or who ever even my brothers, she is quiet not interested in run all over the house, not interested in talking all the time, she likes to be alone with a book ,doll or what ever she brings at the moment. Some times she play and run all over the house go to the kitchen and order glass of water, That when my daughter at the first grade.
But the SON of my friend a friendly puppy as you describes, what ever he propose my daughter refuses. When he ask to jump on trampoline my daughter say NO and propose we climb the tree and then we jump to the trampoline some sort of crazy thing. Not every time my daughter is quiet at this Friends house.
Time passes I start realizing my Friends ignoring us. I invited my daughters birthday last moment informed ill or busy. No invitation for us. OP you have no clue how deep I was hurt. I asked her few times " Did we do something wrong?" No answer so I gave it up. And once my daughter told me " mommy I came in front of your friends son he walk as he never knew me" And asked me why is that? I told my daughter " I wish I know dear may be he did not reorganize you at all because now you are tall and grown up now you are 10 years old and they did not visit us like 4 years"
But OP that given me a deep hurt till my spinal code. Time passed we don't talk but at a gathering of and old friend I met one mutual friend who knew she and me very well. During this gathering she start talking about this relevant friend and told me that my friend was very uncomfortable with the sullen mood of my daughter.I was totally confused I told this mutual friend , if I were her I would talk about it,before they start limiting whole-family interactions with our family, or before she taught her own son not be too friendly to my daughter when he sees my daughter? Why the heck a mother would bother about a mood of my daughter. And if my daughter likes to be alone fine let her, but yes OP same as you my friend was uncomfortable about my daughters sullen mood by her house. And she did exactly what you thinks to do. My advice don't you have no clue how deep you can hurt your friends feelings through that actions but I do. What would be the best way to deal with this kind of situation? Not from the actions you mention above, you have two choices
1. Teach your child to accept NO as an answer. Don't listen to his moans about that girl refuse to play with him. Let him to understand every one is different. And every ones interests are different. If I were you I would talk to my son and ask " why she is acting like that? are you guys fighting at school in case?"
2. Adjust your mind towards to this child and enjoy the friend ship. Either you grow together or apart. Don't teach your son to do things back. If you really uncomfortable better you speak than do childish activities such as not have that girl by your house or teaching your son to ignore this girl or stop gathering with this family. If you want to limit the activities be honest about it say it directly " your daughters mood makes me uncomfortable" they can teach their daughter then,, or they can leave you guys alone with your plenty of toys. If I knew in advance about my friends mind I would teach my daughter not to say NO for everything all the time. I could teach my daughter how to cope with people who has different interests, I did not know they did not tell. So it up to you act like a child or an adult
My family is good friends with another family. We both have two kids that are around the same ages and are the same grade in school (go to different schools, though). Our older kids are 7. Mine is a boy and theirs is a girl. The girl is about 6 months older than my boy and is turning 8 soon, if that makes any difference. The girl has always had a little bit of a moody personality and has always had issues talking to adults. I've offered her cookies before and she has turned her body completely away from me without responding, which is fine, I've thought maybe she is kind of shy around adults other than her parents. However, she has started to also be standoffish with my kid, so I don't know if it's just a grumpy mood that she's in or what exactly. My boy is pretty friendly and always enthusiastic to see her but she often doesn't respond to him when he asks her what she wants to do or just says no when he suggests something. My kid is pretty good at shrugging these rebuffs off but I'm kind of wondering if we need to start limiting whole-family interactions with this family.
What would be the best way to deal with this kind of situation? Should we just ignore it and keep getting together with this family or start not accepting invitations or accept their invitations but not issue out as many of our own? We like the parents a lot and our younger kids get along very well (both 4-year old girls), but I don't always like seeing my boy treated unkindly.
if you like the company of her family why would you end it, allowing a child to dictate to you what you should or shouldn't do.
don't worry about the girl...if she doesn't gravitate towards your son, no big deal...
and stop looking for reasons why she doesn't...meaning, not everyone is outgoing like your son, or can be...perhaps there is something going on in the family that you don't realize...or perhaps she is an introvert, and isn't grumpy but just doesn't socialize well? Who knows....? But for now, if your happy spending time with the mom and dad, keep up the friendship...
I agree that we can't force the kids to be friends, but that's why I'm wondering if it's best to not have this girl over anymore. If she's not enjoying herself and is just acting bored to be at our house and is not interested in interacting with any of us, it just makes me wonder if we should just not have the whole family over anymore. We do have plenty of toys and it's not like we're trying to force her to play with my son. They have been friends in the past, I will say, so I'm not sure if she has just been in a bad mood recently. I guess it just makes me a little uncomfortable to see that she is kind of in a sullen mood about having to be somewhere we invited them to.
It sounds like you think the fact that they are opposite genders is an issue? I will note that her dad likes to brag that she is not a "girly" girl and likes "boy" things, so I guess I never saw that as an issue. My son is friends with both boys and girls at school and does not seem to be interested in girls in "that" way right now. He's kind of like a friendly puppy, but I could tell him to not be too friendly to her when he sees her?
Geeze Louise....you cannot make people be, who they are not? And your reading way to much into this...
seems like your son is the light of your eye, which is ok, but not everyone can be like him or live up to your expectations of who you think they should be.
if I were you, instead of trying to read everyone else, look deep into your own self reflection.
You are overacting, and since you keep repeating this ^^^^ like a mantra without really taking note on the good advice that has been given to you, perhaps cutting off ties is not a bad idea after all. Some parents can get a bit obnoxious expecting everybody to love/adore their kids. Your child might not feel entitled to the girl's attention, but you certainly are. Sorry.
I agree. Despite very good advice given, the OP keeps saying this over & over.
What should you do? Don't let an 8 year old dictate who you are friends and spend time with!
And you'll have to accept the fact that not every kid is going to like your kid. It happens. Just like you don't like every adult you encounter. It's no different.
Can't the adults just do "adult things" together? Why do the kids have to be involved at all?
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rev03
Yes, that would be nice, but the kids can't really stay home by themselves just yet and we don't live near family to have people readily available to watch them. Plus, I would feel weird asking them to get a babysitter so we could do something together. I think I'll just stick to meeting with the mom the few times we do moms' nights and leave it at that.
Perhaps, you do different things with your adult friends than my husband and I did. I can barely remember a time when we ever included our children, except for informal bar-b-ques or summer picnics or "family dinners" at one of our houses. Perhaps, it was because my husband's two best friends & their spouses never had children. But, even with our friends who had children we all got babysitters and did things in the evening.
Sometimes, the adults would go to a play, or a movie or to a hockey game together. Sometimes we would go out to dinner and then dancing with another couple. Occasionally we would go to a lecture or a car race or on a five mile run or some other activity.
While, we did not go out a lot it was great to look forward to a play or an activity in the future with our friends and just adult conversation. Perhaps, you should try it. You may discover that you really enjoy it.
PS. I don't want to start "babysitter" wars on this thread, but just because you do not have relatives that provide free babysitting it does not mean that you shouldn't ever go out at night with other adults. You just have to find a qualified babysitter and budget the money to pay her. We did not have relatives in our area, or have a lot of extra money, either and we were still able to plan occasional date nights or evenings away from our children.
Last edited by germaine2626; 02-01-2016 at 09:42 AM..
Reason: added PS
My ten-year-old daughter can't stand boys. She acts like they have the plague. It's not the boys' fault, she just doesn't want anything to do with them. Maybe this little girl is the same way. My daughter has always been like this. She made an exception for the little guy across the street, who's four years younger than her, but the boy next door is that age too and she told me he was the spawn of Satan and asked if I would please not babysit him anymore. She recently told a boy at the park that she was allergic to boys. As far as I know, no boy has ever done anything to make my daughter hate boys, it's just the way she is.
Anyhow, your son can play with the younger kids and just leave the girl alone. Maybe once she's being ignored, she'll feel left out and want to play with all of them, or maybe she'll just be content to be left alone.
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