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Old 02-02-2016, 05:23 PM
 
2,053 posts, read 1,516,204 times
Reputation: 3962

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Yes, all the middle aged women hate you.

Are you telling us that every single middle aged woman that you have met hated you even though they have different life experiences, temperaments and outlooks? That would seem to be unlikely-sure some would hate you but others would like you, love you or feel indifferent towards you. They all hate your friends as well? It must be some secret club that I haven't been invited to because I have seen women of all ages become friends.

I think the problem has to do with what other posters have said- you have mother issues (hate to sound cliche but ...). Your mother abandoned you through both death and illness and she was probably middle aged when she died. Younger and elderly women don't remind you of your mother but middle aged women do and it might bring up all sorts of issues/feelings/responses that you aren't aware of.

You don't have to believe any of this and you can continue on in your belief that all middle aged women hate you. The problem is that you will be middle aged someday. Are all your friends/peer group suddenly going to hate you? Will that 59 year old woman who hated you the day before suddenly love you when she turns 60?

 
Old 02-02-2016, 05:30 PM
 
19,364 posts, read 12,017,274 times
Reputation: 26096
It sounds like you have been around some nasty people, and I think in general there are more rude people now without much of a filter. There used to be a kind of code that after a certain age you needed to act mature or at least give the appearance of behaving dignified but I think now there are plenty of middle aged people who act petty and openly mean and immature. Maybe you have just had the bad luck to be around a lot of these types.


I do recall being treated badly by some older women at work, it struck me more than my peers being jerks because I expected more from the mature women, it was a big letdown when they would be snotty or mean for what seemed like no reason.
 
Old 02-02-2016, 05:42 PM
 
13,389 posts, read 6,372,014 times
Reputation: 10022
So, now you are talking mainly about 3 women in an office and expanding that to all middle aged women?


Maybe you are in a toxic workplace and just need to find a new job.


However, several times you bring up the same theme............whether your dress or behavior is appropriate;


Are you sure your dress is appropriate for the workplace? Because if its not, then yes other women(and men) will notice it, judge you unprofessional or worse, and talk about you and/or mock you. A female boss would probably take you aside and explain to you why it inappropriate.


Flashing your tattoos is probably not appropriate. Tattoos among the over 40 crowd is probably 50% or so. The other 50% were probably raised that tattoos are trashy esp for females. No need to be flashing them around at work esp among people you know are conservative.


In my experience, people including women do not label people as promiscuous or other words that imply that unless someone has given them ammunition to do that. If your personal life is something outside their norm, don't talk about it at work. If not, then assess what you are doing or have told them that makes them think this about you........is it the way you dress or talk? Are you spending lots of time chatting up or cozying up to your male boss or currying favor with him rather than just doing your job? Certainly, going to him to complain about them is not endearing you to these women.......or probably him either.


Finally, do your dating outside the workplace. Getting involved with coworkers usually not a good idea.........dating sons of coworkers not much better, especially if you think they don't like you or have alienated them somehow.
 
Old 02-02-2016, 05:49 PM
 
10,226 posts, read 7,491,009 times
Reputation: 23155
I noticed it when I was younger. I'm now 62 (but look much younger! Oh, well.)

I don't think I'm that way at all with younger women, unless they are snooty. Sometimes they have an attitude that says, "I'm not old like you, lady. I have it goin' on. Then there's you...with your middle aged face, and you probably don't know anything about computers, and you're not as sharp. Too bad!" (I get a kick out of that, because I know they will soon be middle aged themselves.)

Like the young women who stole the parking space in Fried Green Tomatoes. When they stole the parking space from Kathy Bates, she said to them from her car window, "Hey, I was waiting for that space." They responded, "Face it, lady. We're younger and faster." So Bates rams their car repeatedly with hers. The young gals run up and say "Hey, what are you doing? Are you crazy?" To which Bates responds, "Face it, girls. I'm older and have more insurance."

So if I'm not confronted with an attitude like that, I get along fine with younger women. I think much of the animosity is when older women are responding to the attitude that I refer to above. There's also jealousy sometimes by the older women. I'm not jealous of them at all. Why would I be? It's like when women get angry at the women their husbands fool around with. Makes no sense. I'd get mad at the husband...the one who betrayed me.

This is also an issue between mothers and daughters sometimes, too. When they look at their daughters, they see a younger version that the mothers can no longer be, or worse..a better version. Not always, but sometimes.
 
Old 02-02-2016, 05:58 PM
 
625 posts, read 619,764 times
Reputation: 1761
Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve View Post
Uhm. I don't know, maybe it is your attitude? Or do you look mean/aggressive/BRF ...?


I am not befriending younger women usually, but I don't hate them or show them disapproval if they are behaving normally. I often don't get their drama and attitude but I keep out of it. Many younger women are bi tchy, nasty, and princessy, so yeah, they don't get love from me. But if you behave normally, then I am friendly.


And I only get a bit of catiness (right spelling?) from other women if their man is around.
I vote for the B*tchy attitude and catiness.

Oh and you precious young women will be the middle-aged and older women soon enough. Your compassion will increase exponentially as you age and are standing on the other side of the equation.
 
Old 02-02-2016, 06:00 PM
 
2,007 posts, read 1,264,414 times
Reputation: 1858
To the OP,

How exactly was your relationship with your own mother growing up. Did you get along so well with your father to the detriment of natural mother/daughter bonding during your formative years. Perhaps, you are now channeling some negative feelings toward your mother to other older women with which you come in contact ? As a result, just as your mother might in your own mind "hate" you, so do other women with positions of higher social status as well. If this is the case. Then nothing but an uneasy transference of an already shaky value system toward older women you encounter. Having such an adamant and fixed viewpoint as you have displayed will only hinder both professional and personal relationships. No question.
 
Old 02-02-2016, 06:26 PM
 
13,754 posts, read 13,190,784 times
Reputation: 26019
It's sort of cool being able to answer this as a middle aged woman. I LOVE young women and people of all ages and genders. I'm totally secure in who I am and am very happy for every moment I've had in this life. If I can advise or help or encourage, that's what I do. If they don't want it, I'll step aside and let them run headlong into life. They might find their wings and soar! Or stumble or find someone else to encourage them. Either way they'll make it. And I'll cheer them on!
 
Old 02-02-2016, 06:32 PM
 
Location: tampa bay
7,113 posts, read 8,595,594 times
Reputation: 11695
I am 54 have a 21 yr old daughter that has a few drop dead gorgeous friends...I couldn't imagine being mean, feeling threatened by their beauty or worrying about my husband around them...that being said when I was just out of college I worked as a salesperson for a clothing designer...if any middle-aged women buyers came into the showroom I was not allowed to show them anything only the other young male salesperson could...I didn't understand it then and I still don't get it now...but other then that example I never felt any other animosity from middle aged women...so not really sure how "every" middle aged women loathes you...
 
Old 02-02-2016, 06:40 PM
 
1,278 posts, read 1,107,498 times
Reputation: 4004
OP, just so we're clear can you clarify what age you consider "middle aged" for the purposes of this thread? I'm just curious what age group you're referring to because the definition seems to vary sometimes.
 
Old 02-02-2016, 06:47 PM
 
997 posts, read 1,054,391 times
Reputation: 2495
Quote:
Originally Posted by KathyKathy View Post

-My car broke down one morning and tried to call one my coworkers to inform them I was going to be late. None of them picked up their phone so I texted them instead. When I showed up for work they were angry that I didn't inform them I was going to be late. I pointed out that I couldn't reach them via phone so I texted them. They berated me again saying I was showed a lack of communication skills and that I was being lazy. My boss who received my text said it was fine, it was just my coworkers that berated me.
Ever think to leave a voice mail message in addition to the text? That would have covered all your bases. And honestly, they're just co-workers, who cares what they think?
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