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Okay CD. Basically, my mother and my stepfather are about to separate and I want NO part of the drama. My mother keeps trying to talk to me about their drama even though I've said on multiple occasions I want no part of their drama since I know from past experiences that divorces get ugly fast for ANYONE involved and it is hard enough trying to get somewhere as a millennial in the job market. Am I wrong for not wanting to deal with the fallout aside from IF mom is in a desperate situation which very little chance of that happening? I'm just not apt to be an emotional tampon.
I wonder if she is like my mother, she married someone NOBODY liked after my father passed. She lost all her friends because she didn't bother trying to keep up decades long friendships. Now, she has no friends and dumps all her problems on me. It's a tough situation when we all have our own problems. Good luck.
Okay CD. Basically, my mother and my stepfather are about to separate and I want NO part of the drama. My mother keeps trying to talk to me about their drama even though I've said on multiple occasions I want no part of their drama since I know from past experiences that divorces get ugly fast for ANYONE involved and it is hard enough trying to get somewhere as a millennial in the job market. Am I wrong for not wanting to deal with the fallout aside from IF mom is in a desperate situation which very little chance of that happening? I'm just not apt to be an emotional tampon.
Maybe I am mixing you up with another poster, but from your many posts doesn't you mother live in another part of the country from you? If that is correct than you have long distance as advantage. You can be supportive but that doesn't mean you answer her calls every time she calls.
Not sure how this would have any impact on your job. You're not dealing with a situation where your mother is seriously ill and you have to take FMLA.
Okay CD. Basically, my mother and my stepfather are about to separate and I want NO part of the drama. My mother keeps trying to talk to me about their drama even though I've said on multiple occasions I want no part of their drama since I know from past experiences that divorces get ugly fast for ANYONE involved and it is hard enough trying to get somewhere as a millennial in the job market. Am I wrong for not wanting to deal with the fallout aside from IF mom is in a desperate situation which very little chance of that happening? I'm just not apt to be an emotional tampon.
You can't stay neutral between your mother and your stepfather. You must remain in your mother's corner.
That doesn't mean you must join in opposition against your stepfather, but it is your job to listen. It was her job to change your dirty diapers, her job to make sure you had clean clothes and an education and a whole lot more.
Some day it will be your job to assist her when she is too old, and it will be your job to bury her. It won't hurt you to sit still and listen politely.
Some mothers are better than others. Some mothers are better at certain times than at other times. The degree to which you listen should be modified by what has happened in the past, but I do think you should be a little more tolerant.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,699 posts, read 41,742,544 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by Listener2307
You can't stay neutral between your mother and your stepfather. You must remain in your mother's corner.
That doesn't mean you must join in opposition against your stepfather, but it is your job to listen. It was her job to change your dirty diapers, her job to make sure you had clean clothes and an education and a whole lot more.
Some day it will be your job to assist her when she is too old, and it will be your job to bury her. It won't hurt you to sit still and listen politely.
Some mothers are better than others. Some mothers are better at certain times than at other times. The degree to which you listen should be modified by what has happened in the past, but I do think you should be a little more tolerant.
Excuse me? Raising me was her responsibility since she gave birth to me. That's what you are supposed to do as a parent. The way I see it she chose to get married, she needs to be an adult and work this situation out and she has no right to subject me to the chaos that is gonna come. Now the only situation I'll definitely get involved is IF she is in imminent danger, I will NOT be her emotional tampon.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,699 posts, read 41,742,544 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by seain dublin
Maybe I am mixing you up with another poster, but from your many posts doesn't you mother live in another part of the country from you? If that is correct than you have long distance as advantage. You can be supportive but that doesn't mean you answer her calls every time she calls.
Not sure how this would have any impact on your job. You're not dealing with a situation where your mother is seriously ill and you have to take FMLA.
She lives in Indiana, I'm in DC. I need to train myself to not answer every call.
Excuse me? Raising me was her responsibility since she gave birth to me. That's what you are supposed to do as a parent. The way I see it she chose to get married, she needs to be an adult and work this situation out and she has no right to subject me to the chaos that is gonna come. Now the only situation I'll definitely get involved is IF she is in imminent danger, I will NOT be her emotional tampon.
Then you have spoken. That's your decision and that should be the end of it. Your mother; your life; your relationship.
But you did ask if you were right or wrong, and I am saying that staying in a relationship with a parent carries with it a certain amount of responsibility. It's not like she is trying to move in with you.
She lives in Indiana, I'm in DC. I need to train myself to not answer every call.
I thought that was you. Well they're you go, you have the luxury of actual distance between you. Imagine if you lived within 20 miles of each other.
That's it, don't answer every call or if you email, don't respond back right away.
Of course she is your mother, but he is not your father. But you don't want to get in the middle of this. Besides it could turn around, you say something about him negative, they straighen things out between them, and now you're the bad guy.
But you did ask if you were right or wrong, and I am saying that staying in a relationship with a parent carries with it a certain amount of responsibility. It's not like she is trying to move in with you.
Okay CD. Basically, my mother and my stepfather are about to separate and I want NO part of the drama. My mother keeps trying to talk to me about their drama even though I've said on multiple occasions I want no part of their drama since I know from past experiences that divorces get ugly fast for ANYONE involved and it is hard enough trying to get somewhere as a millennial in the job market. Am I wrong for not wanting to deal with the fallout aside from IF mom is in a desperate situation which very little chance of that happening? I'm just not apt to be an emotional tampon.
You are absolutely not wrong. Stick to your guns. You start chiming in, then you may as well be going thru a divorce too. It's mentally exhausting. I would just keep asking that she respect your position and keep you out of it. Eventually they'll get it. Hopefully.
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