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I just wonder why it seems that some people are gung-ho when they want something, only to vanish when they don't. I am getting tired of it. I want friendships that aren't horribly one-sided.
I think we all do.
I've gotten to the point where I consider myself lucky to have one good friend. I doubt another will ever come along. Everyone since then has had an agenda.
Talk about friends getting back in touch.... We had one get back in touch after seventeen years and the reason for it was that he wanted us to let him stay at our house for four months. DH is a softie when it comes to things like this, so I agreed, but it was a nightmare and surprise, surprise, when the four months were up he didn't want to leave. We never hear from him any more. Shocker.
You are not a priority to him. His marriage apparently is, as it should be. It has nothing to do with what you can or can't do for him. It's not all about you.
Of course it's all about her. What a weird thing to say. Whose feelings will you allow her to have, if not her own?
Like attracts like especially later in life. Socio economic segregation is extreme, no positive attitude and "activities" can change that. Higher "ranking" people having handle on life will not befriend TS, no matter what she does. TS needs to face this sad truth of life, and pick only the most decent people, if any, in her peer group, or make peace with friendless existence. You cannot expect much of others, especially these weird times when the word "friend" lost much of its original meaning anyway.
Hold up. When did I ever say that going bowling was more important than his marriage? All I am asking is for the people in my life to accept me for me and not what I can do for them. It's not as though I don't have things going on in my life, but I can manage to find the time to say "Hey, how are you?. I'm certainly not asking for the moon.
I hear you. I think that post you are replying to was an over-reaction. It IS a problem for single people trying to be friends with acquaintances who get married (or re-married in this case). Every single person I know has lost count of the number of friends they've been abandoned by once that friend gets married. Most married people today only want to socialize with other married couples. And even if they include you when they first get together, once they have kids you're almost certainly out the door.
It even happens with siblings. The married ones usually socialize with their single sibs only at events intended for the entire family. They don't invite the single sib to go to a concert or a movie with them, even if they do that with married sibs. It's a little easier when you're older. Some married couples eventually come to a place where they do things separately. But I've never encountered any who had still had kids in the house.
It sounds as if you are trying to focus on people in circumstances such as your own. But you might have progressed further than other people with bi-polar disorder. Check out some MeetUp groups and volunteer activities. Don't do it looking for a friend. Just focus on the activity at hand. Enjoy yourself. Participate. Let people come to you. Good luck!
"Our prefernces can affect and shape reality", it sounds like a line for a self-improvement seminar. Perhaps collective preferences can change social reality over some lengthy period of time. Alas, for time being, a collective preference is to seek uplifting "relationships" among potentially useful people which, in practical terms, means that tax brackets, career/lack of career paths, issues/no issues etc. crowds do not mix.
Last edited by RememberMee; 02-12-2016 at 01:04 PM..
Such absolutes are defeatist. Why not just jump off a bridge NOW?
You link me pointing at the obvious to a jumping off a bridge? Why should I? I am not crushed by the ways people prefer to segregate into superficial friendship pools. "Defeatist" implies that a) I cannot sleep because I am not friendship material in the eyes of so many people. b) I spend all my waking hours trying to make myself "worthy" of the great folks I want to befriend. All your assumptions are wrong, so there is no reason for me to jump off a bridge.
But, your "optimism" about joining appropriate friendship pools if you try hard and think the right, uplifting thoughts seems revolves around denial of the obvious. Do you disagree how? Philosophically, or you actually have some data on the friendship rates among bipolar janitors and corporate lawyers etc.?
One of the things that has been frustrating me lately is people coming into (or back into) my life and wanting to make plans and hang out (usually when things are not going well in their lives) and then seemingly disappearing off the face of the earth. I try to be there for people and listen when they are going through tough times, but otherwise, I hear nothing.
I met someone at a support group that I attend, and we made plans to hang out because we have similar tastes in comedy. Well, she doesn't like her living situation and she asked me if she could stay with me while she looked for another place. I don't know anything about this woman other than what she says in group and what we talked about when we went out to eat one time. I've also been burned before by letting someone stay with me. I told her no. Haven't heard from her since.
I have another friend that just got back in touch with me not too long ago. He and his wife were separated, and he was staying at a relative's house. He has been diagnosed as bipolar, as have I, and we were talking about going to group together as well as doing stuff like bowling and whatnot. One minute he is saying things like, "Anytime you need to talk, anytime you need anything, I am here", and then all of a sudden he is getting back together with his wife and I haven't heard from him either. I know that I shouldn't take it personally, even though it's hard not to, because by his own admission he said he has a tendency to lose touch with his friends when he is in a relationship.
I'm not talking about people that are having a tough time finding the time to get together because of scheduling. I get that. I just wonder why it seems that some people are gung-ho when they want something, only to vanish when they don't. I am getting tired of it. I want friendships that aren't horribly one-sided. It's to the point where I've needed to detach and not be so available to people that want to bend my ear about their problems or that want my help some other way.
Not sure what to expect from this. I guess I am just venting. It would be nice just to hear "How are you?" or go out for lunch or a cup of coffee without someone trying to put their problems in my lap. I have enough challenges of my own to deal with.
The first one was trying to use you. Have had that happen before.
Second one surprises you since he's also like you?
Maybe, you might consider you're expecting too much from a "Friend" The first thing I do is "Take it slow" before I call someone a "Friend" they have to be in contact with me for 1 solid year. They have to share my likes, see them often at one location and generally feel comfortable in their presence....
The first one was trying to use you. Have had that happen before.
Second one surprises you since he's also like you?
Maybe, you might consider you're expecting too much from a "Friend" The first thing I do is "Take it slow" before I call someone a "Friend" they have to be in contact with me for 1 solid year. They have to share my likes, see them often at one location and generally feel comfortable in their presence....
What's disappointing to me is that I had known the guy for years. Or at least thought I did. You know, we have a mutual friend that is "like a brother to him" that he dropped just like that because the wife didn't like him. Good to know.
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