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I think it's a little of both. You have gotten used to living alone, but your guest IS rude. It would help if you explained the situation more. IF this is going to be a long-term thing and wasn't just a weekend, then you need to lay some ground rules about sharing responsibilities for the house, groceries, etc. Overall, I think your guest is in the wrong, but....
After reading this post, I wonder if the guest was invited or is someone who recently appeared for an indeterminate visit and coincidentally happens to have been evicted, formally or otherwise, from his prior home.
How did this person come to be a guest in your home, OP? He shouldn't be invited back.
That said, I've noticed that few people these days have been raised to practice courteous behavior. Everything is more informal now, and people have no clue that they're being presumptuous. I had a friend who several times tried to invite herself into my home. I take it that she assumed that was ok because we were friends. It forced me on one occasion to say point blank that I wasn't ready to have guests. Another time, we agreed to meet in 1/2 an hour at a coffee shop, but instead she arrived at my door and leaned on the doorbell. I was in the shower at the time, thinking I had 1/2 hour to get ready and drive to the location. I ignored the repeated doorbell rings, and she finally went away, and we met as previously had been agreed upon.
When people help themselves to things that are awkward for you (sitting on your laundry? Really?), it's ok to politely but firmly say, "I'm sorry, I wasn't ready for a guest on such short notice. You're sitting on my laundry. All I have available right now is the chair I offered you." If the clod demands you accommodate him the way he wants, you can say, "This isn't working. Could you come back later after I have a chance to get some groceries and clean up? Or maybe another day?"
I'm annoyed enough at this kind of behavior that I don't mind pushing back a bit. If people don't get the hint, think about it: do you really need friends like that? I bet there's more to their personality that isn't a good fit. That's been the case on the rare occasion I've had a problematic "friend".
I agree manners seem to be going by the wayside these days. But in the case of your friend I would have had no problem telling them do not come over without calling/texting and seeing if it's OK.
Beyond rude to just show up unannounced with the exception of some type of emergency. And these days there is no reason for it with the many ways to communicate.
That was good that you didn't answer the door. But I would have told her at the coffeeshop "gee someone was ringing my doorbell nonstop while I was in the shower"....LOL.
How did this person come to be a guest in your home, OP? He shouldn't be invited back.
That said, I've noticed that few people these days have been raised to practice courteous behavior. Everything is more informal now, and people have no clue that they're being presumptuous. I had a friend who several times tried to invite herself into my home. I take it that she assumed that was ok because we were friends. It forced me on one occasion to say point blank that I wasn't ready to have guests. Another time, we agreed to meet in 1/2 an hour at a coffee shop, but instead she arrived at my door and leaned on the doorbell. I was in the shower at the time, thinking I had 1/2 hour to get ready and drive to the location. I ignored the repeated doorbell rings, and she finally went away, and we met as previously had been agreed upon.
When people help themselves to things that are awkward for you (sitting on your laundry? Really?), it's ok to politely but firmly say, "I'm sorry, I wasn't ready for a guest on such short notice. You're sitting on my laundry. All I have available right now is the chair I offered you." If the clod demands you accommodate him the way he wants, you can say, "This isn't working. Could you come back later after I have a chance to get some groceries and clean up? Or maybe another day?"
I'm annoyed enough at this kind of behavior that I don't mind pushing back a bit. If people don't get the hint, think about it: do you really need friends like that? I bet there's more to their personality that isn't a good fit. That's been the case on the rare occasion I've had a problematic "friend".
Yes, I think it's a way of asserting himself into my space - I think I find that more bothersome than the actual details.
I did say what? no, I don't want that sat on. He said why? it's just pressure. I was like what? Who behaves this way?
So I put it into a basket.
Then he goes to the bathroom later and I see the big fat cushion that is for the back UNDERNEATH him I was like no you can't sit on that.
'Well, I did before and you didn't say anything'
Because I didn't see you do it!
Is it not common sense that those aren't to be sat on? They will flatten.
Also, that love seat isn't situated to see the TV well. It has to be pulled out from the wall.
I think it's polite to put it back.
I also think it's weird to walk into my kitchen to GET something but not to throw anything away.
There is always trash on my coffee table for me to pick up.
Well it doesn't sound like you enjoy the company much. Tell him not to come over next time. And yes, I think he's rude and he is acting like a weird combination of guest, relative, or friend that has poor boundaries. I have a friend like this. It's like she doesn't know where she ends and I begin. My stuff is her stuff, my space is her space, and she imposes in my space in ways that drive me nuts. Luckily she lives out of town so I only have to deal with her for short 3-4 day visits a few times a year.
If you want the guys company you have a couple of choices; you can call him out when he's being a butthead and tell him to stop treating your space badly and stop treating you badly, or you can ignore it. But it won't change unless you make it happen.
And now I need to take my own advice and tell my friend that her upcoming visit will not work for me.
He doesn't spend the night, he likes to stay UP all night.
And he is inviting himself.
Often at midnight, when he gets off work.
I don't have a chance to go around getting ready for a guest.
Often, I'm like 'sure ok' and I re-arrange what I watch to show things I know he is also interested in, and offer whatever I have to eat or drink.
.
Oh, this is easy. Next time, say, "No, you can't come over now. Maybe another time. Have a good night."
Rinse and repeat.
If he is calling, just say the above phrase and hang up.
If he is actually coming to your door, open it a crack (or if you have a lock chain, don't remove the chain) and say the above phrase and quietly close the door. Or, alternatively, have your lights off and don't open the door. Hopefully, you have not given him a key. If you have, change the locks.
If he is texting, type the phrase in and hit send.
Since he started coming more often he's just taking too many liberties and I don't want to be complaining at someone all the time.
I don't want to stay up that late anymore so one night when he asked if I wanted to hang out and go eat I said sure but I have to go to bed so I can only watch one show (an hour).
He said he'd wait because he likes to 'settle in' and I was thinking 'yeah that is the problem'
He lives a few blocks away so it's not like he's coming from too far for an hour + eating not to be worth it.
I feel like he's manipulating me and I have to counter-manipulate using phrases like have been suggested here.
I do like to sometimes have breakfast at night.
But it's gotten to where I feel like that is a little trap.
He doesn't ASK if I want him to come in before or after he just ASSUMES and walks in.
I don't always want to be correcting him. I don't want to have to always say 'sorry, I can't hang out, I have to go to bed'.
I think normal people say 'do you want to watch a movie now or are you tired?' rather than just get out of the car and walk in.
That is the sort of thing that makes me feel he's intentionally seeing how much he can simply ASSERT himself to get what he wants.
Why would you have someone in your house you don't want? Did I miss something?
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