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OP, you should get screened for ADD/ADHD. Yeah, I'm a broken record on these boards about it, but there's a lot of similarities in your behavior with mine.
Before I was diagnosed, I would do crazy stuff like leave a door open behind me (and sometimes a faucet on - always caught that in time tho). I was also a slob - one boyfriend used to joke that he could track me through the house after I got home from work. Hell, I'm still a slob, but I know it and take steps to remedy it when things get too messy.
I'm also very clumsy. My brain is often doing something else while my body is working on a different project, if that makes any sense. The funny part is that my friends from elementary school even had an inkling of what was wrong with me - one friend I haven't talked to meaningfully in decades told me recently she tells her son about me and how I had messy penmanship like him. She explained him to it as "Jrz's writing hand couldn't keep up with her brain." Which is basically the story of my life, lol - but we didn't understand that then.
I tend to burn myself while cooking and trip and fall a lot. I always have a few nasty-looking bruises. Once I was working on a home project and stepped off the top of a stepstool because I was distracted and forgot I was 3 feet up in the air - that hurt!
But since I got diagnosed and I know what's wrong, I've been able to be more mindful - I don't really make mistakes as much (there's still some big lapses - especially when I'm stressed). My personal life and career have improved immensely. You might benefit from seeing a psychiatrist to see if there's some sort of issue.
And if you can pull yourself together a little bit, your husband might have more faith in you. He sounds like a good guy from a nice family.
Normal: to wipe off the stove and clean the kitchen after dinner. If you make a mess at any time of day in the kitchen, you clean it. Putting your clothes away when you change. Cleaning up after yourself in general, in the moment, so you don't leave a trail of messes behind you. This is normal for both men and women.
Also within the realm of normal, though not as common as the above: moms teaching their sons to cook, do laundry and iron clothes. Some, if they don't learn at home, they learn in the army. They learn to be disciplined and take care of themselves.
Not normal: to throw your clothes around the house. To leave a mess in the kitchen or bathroom.
Everyone does that when they clip their nails. It's normal. He's not a neat freak. If you want to do your share in the house, and he won't let you do laundry, pick up your clothes, clean up after yourself. You would be doing him a big favor, and learning some normal discipline yourself. Who makes the beds each morning?
Is he over-protective of you? This depends to some extent on culture. I've seen this in parts of Europe--always carrying bags for women, even light shopping bags, opening doors. It sounds like he loves you and feels you are very precious to him. Also, I'm sure he's aware that you make poor decisions that result in clumsy accidents, like with the Coke cans. This is why he won't allow you to change a ceiling light bulb. He knows you better than you know yourself, and he doesn't want you to cause an accident and hurt yourself. That's how I see it.
I agree with other posters here about the laundry: how could two people generate so much laundry that the basket would be heavy? Have a laundry day for sheets and towels, and another laundry day for clothes. Then the amounts will be manageable.
He's working two jobs. The least you could do is pick up after yourself, so that he can come home to a neat home. It's not too much to ask. If you love him, you'll do this.
I would like to add, people don't have to say things to be critical. If they refuse to allow you to clean up your own mess when trying to, they are letting you know they don't think you will do it right. If they refuse to let you work, carry a load of laundry or a grocery bag, they are telling you you aren't capable.
This is actually parenting 101.
I agree with you, but from what the OP posted, it doesn't sound like she would clean things very well. She is used to a messy and chaotic environment.
I think the OP needs individual therapy and she and her husband probably also need marital counseling.
OP, you mentioned having a baby as though it was something you were doing for him, not because you have a desire to become a mother. Is that the case?
Totally agree. Having a baby only makes things harder and a relationship really does need to be on very solid ground before if it's going to stay good/strong.
OP, if you don't WANT to become a mother do not do it. It's a huge amount of work, exhaustion, self sacrifice, etc. It's not something you should do for someone else. I have an easy baby but I'm still exhausted. I have not had a full night of sleep since sometime in January 2015 even though my baby is only 4 months old now.
ishe, does your husband give you "options" or does he give you suggestions? There is a difference. On your other thread, I said your husband was not being controlling to recommend you get a better job. If he is absolutely refusing to allow you to keep the job you like, or to allow you to take a job that you want, yes, that is controlling.
To be honest, I think you both have some major issues that contribute both to why your relationship works, and why it doesn't. I think you don't think very highly of yourself, and that's why you want to keep a low-paying job, and act helpless around the house. I think he wants to be in control, and he is able to be in control in your relationship because you apparently need help in certain areas.
Sounds like the OPs husband married a pig and she wants to sit on her behind and not do any housework sorry but I would put up with the OP for about ten minutes . my brother married a girl that sounds just like you but he had enough sense to get rid of her after a year of putting up with her "pig" habits . I'm sorry the old using abuse as an excuse is weak at best . Get therapy you need it and a house cleaning course as well . Do not add a baby to this mess because I can just see a neighbor calling cps on you and if your house is a mess that baby will be taken away from you because you live like a pig .... No the husband does not need marital counseling he needs a divorce and she needs to go her separate way as well .
Sounds like the OPs husband married a pig and she wants to sit on her behind and not do any housework sorry but I would put up with the OP for about ten minutes . my brother married a girl that sounds just like you but he had enough sense to get rid of her after a year of putting up with her "pig" habits . I'm sorry the old using abuse as an excuse is weak at best . Get therapy you need it and a house cleaning course as well . Do not add a baby to this mess because I can just see a neighbor calling cps on you and if your house is a mess that baby will be taken away from you because you live like a pig .... No the husband does not need marital counseling he needs a divorce and she needs to go her separate way as well .
Leaving shoes or a purse on the floor doesn't make her a pig. Besides, her husband follows behind and picks it all up, so why would CPS care??
Ms. Kibbiekat, perhaps you can give me advice after you read this below.
I want to clarify this. Because there alot of assumption throw out, please don't make assumption. I know my post is long-winded, but if you didn't read it, please don't make assumption.
The glass cup I dropped, my husband won't let me clean it up. He said let him clean it up, because he worried that the broken glass pieces might cut my finger if I pick it up.
This is the FIRST time I dropped a glass cup.
Same with I dropped 4 Coke cans when I carried it on ONE hand. This is the FIRST time I dropped it.
Please go try carried 4 soda cans on ONE hand, let see if you dropped or not. How the heck can ONE hand can hold FOUR soda cans? Yes I know I'm clumsy. But I'm sure even an adult can't carried FOUR Coke cans on one hand, let alone a child.
Welp, I dropped it. And my husband said let him clean up the spills. Because he doesn't want me to slip and fall. He said let him clean it up, so I let him do it.
What you want me to do? Stay there and argue back and forth with him until he "let" me be the one to clean it?
And now to this, things that I leave around the capret are usually my jeans, my heels, and my purse.
Yesterday there was about 10 things I leave on the carpet. I tell you what the items were. It were:
-- a Grocery Ads paper. I was reading the grocery ads, and somehow it end up on the carpet instead of put it away.
-- a clean plastic trash bag. I was suppose to change the trash in the kitchen, but forget. Somehow the trash bag end up on the carpet.
-- a Wallet of mine.
-- a pair of sock.
-- a Klennex tissue box. I use it when I sneeze, and somehow the box end up on the carpet.
-- my phone charger. Somehow end up on the carpet.
-- a Pen. I write something, and somehow the pen end up on the carpet.
-- my bra. Somehow end up on the carpet instead of me put it in the laundry.
-- a Chinese DVD case. I put the DVD in to watch, and somehow the DVD case end up on the carpet.
NO WHERE in my post I said I leave anything wet on the carpet like wet towels. I really don't know where those assumption come from, I never said it in my post.
Anyways, those items above are the things that I have the tendency to leave on the carpet. God know how it end up on the carpet. I don't even know myself, it just end up there.
I guess I'm lazy to pick it up and put it back. So my husband pick it up after me.
And please a baby willl leave TONS and TONS of toys on the carpet. My older brother is married with 4 kids, and I have see his house. His kids toys are EVERYWHERE in the house. What the heck CPS have anything to do with this? This is very normal in household who have toddles.
I'm sure when me and my husband have a baby. We will be picking up toys that our toddler play with too.
And now to laundry. We do laundry once a week, Sat or Sun on weekend. Laundry is not heavy, because it only two of us. BUT to my husband he "thinks" it heavy. So he said let him do it.
I dunno why he wants to be the one do laundry. Maybe he over-protective.
Sure, I can argue with him till my face turn blue and demand him let me do laundry. Or the other option is let him do it so he can be happy.
After all he the one that said doing Laundry, take out trash, clean toilet/restroom are the "man" job. You don't have to agree with him, but that is what he "thinks".
Now the refridgerator open. I accidently leave the fridge door open few times, three times I think. It NOT alot.
But he knows I'm clumsy, so he always check the refridgerator door before we sleep. I guess he want to be extra safe.
This is NOT OCD. Because he ONLY check it once before we go to bed, how is that OCD?
Same to the backyard door, he check it before we go to bed.
OCD is when you do something repeatedly over and over, many many times constantly throughout the day. He only check the backyard door once before we go to bed, how is this OCD?
And OCD people wash their hands hundreds times a day. This is classic OCD symtoms.
Nope. My husband doesn't do that. He wash his hands everytime he use the restroom. As it should be right?
Everytime he in the kitchen touch food help me, he wash his hands. As it should be right?
When he clean the kitchen after we eat dinner, he wash his hands. As it should be right?
These are NOT OCD. And OCD is not something you can just throw out and label people. You need professionals train to diagnose you.
And answer PP question. My husband age and my age, as well as our relationship and my childhood background. I already said it all in previous pages, you can goes back to read it.
Last edited by ishe; 02-22-2016 at 11:25 AM..
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