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I want to clarify this. Because there alot of assumption throw out, please don't make assumption. I know my post is long-winded, but if you didn't read it, please don't make assumption.
The glass cup I dropped, my husband won't let me clean it up. He said let him clean it up, because he worried that the broken glass pieces might cut my finger if I pick it up.
This is the FIRST time I dropped a glass cup...
The fact that you don't know how things end up on the carpet says that you need some therapy, OP. You do sound like you may have ADD/ADHD. It isn't normal to "not know" how you ended up throwing things on the carpet.
Also, a plastic bag left on the floor is a definite hazard to a child. A small child could easily pick it up and suffocate. So, no, what you are doing is not the same as the leaving toys on the floor.
Why do you act so helpless? Why do you refuse to take responsibility for your own actions and clean up after yourself?
You act like you don't understand how those items got on the carpet, you dropped them on the carpet and didn't pick them up. Geez lady grow up and clean up after yourself.
One some people are so anal and think they are perfect. I just can't believe it. I know tons of people who leave a mess around (esp with kids. It's called a lived in house). But only know a couple who are this anal. It's got to be something the internet attracts.
This is my opinion:
Checking the doors - it's a safe practice, but also could mean he has some anxiety.
Laundry, broken glass, soda clean up - controlling. I think this goes beyond being protective. It's just silly. I'd be pissed if my husband treated me like I was that fragile.
leaving ads, kleenex box, phone charge, pen on the floor - how long do you leave these things before he picks them up? an hour? a day? Were you going to pick them up when you got up, or did you leave them there for a while?
This is my opinion:
Checking the doors - it's a safe practice, but also could mean he has some anxiety.
Laundry, broken glass, soda clean up - controlling. I think this goes beyond being protective. It's just silly. I'd be pissed if my husband treated me like I was that fragile.
leaving ads, kleenex box, phone charge, pen on the floor - how long do you leave these things before he picks them up? an hour? a day? Were you going to pick them up when you got up, or did you leave them there for a while?
Seems like a pretty good accounting.
Leaving stuff around...if someone comes up and picks up after you, it gives you little incentive to clean up after yourself quickly. Its just like a kid. And tolerances for a little mess varies from person to person (without necessarily being a "slob" or "OCD"). If hubby is on one end and wife is on the other...if it doesn't cause strife in the marriage, hubby picking stuff up isn't a huge deal.
Its like toothpaste. My husband always squeezes from the middle. I always pinch the end and roll it up. I also wash the gunky old stuff off. So I come along quite often and sort the tube out how I like it. Its never caused strife in our marriage. Now him spitting toothpaste in the sink and not rinsing it out...thats a different story LOL
Oh and TP. I never replace the TP on the roller. We just run out so darn fast (for having a million bathrooms, everyone just uses the same one!!). If we were using the TP I like (scott, it lasts for ever), Id likely do it. But we use the quilted stuff hubby insists on and go through a roll a day sometimes. We have a table next to the potty, plus a window. So I just set it there. Hubby likes having it on the roll (and facing a specific direction). So when he goes in there, he often puts it on the roller. No biggy.
SO the picking up thing could just be one of their "things" that doesn't have to be a major issue in their married life.
OP, I think what some of us are saying is that most 30 year old women are able to clean up a broken glass without getting cut and most 30 year old women are able to clean up spilled soda without slipping and falling. Heck, almost all teenagers, and even many younger children, are capable of doing those things.
It just seems like he is treating you as someone is not capable of handling adult responsibilities.Sometimes, when husbands so that they start to treat their wives more and more like incompetent little girls. Sometimes, husbands will start to be overly controlling with the family income. Sometimes, husbands will even take away the money that their wife earns, or does not give her money or allow her to grocery shop or buy things, because she "can't be trusted" to handle money responsibility.
Some of the posters are just concerned that this issue goes beyond cleanliness to bigger issues in your marriage.
I have answered the question about my job on page 3 already. An I already answered the financial question in my last thread regarding him want me to work in Office job instead of Shoe Retail.
I cut it paste it here again to answer the financial question. I answered this back in August 2015 when I have that thread about him want me to work in Office job instead of Retail.
NO, he does NOT control my financial. Listen. I make 20K a year.
Jobs I work all my life are MINIMUM WAGE hourly job. Yes, I make $20,000 a year.
He make almost 4x times more than me.
Why the heck a guy who make 4x more times than his wife, need to control his wife money?
NEVER once he touch a penny of my money.
I don't know if it perhaps he feels bad for me, because he knows all my life I work mimimum wage jobs that doesn't pay much.. BUT he always give me money whenever he get pays.
He didn't do this when I'm his GF in our committed relationship, didn't do this when we live together.. BUT after we 'officially' got married--I became his wife; he begin to give me money everytime he get pays from his two jobs.
He have two wallets. One wallet he take with him to work, and one wallet he said he leave at home for me.
He have a full time job that pays weekly, and a part time job that pays bi-weekly; so he get pay six times a month.
Every time he get pays, he always bring back those $100 new hundred-dollar bills for me, (more than one $100 bills).. He gives it to me, but I refused to take it, so he puts the money in the wallet at home for me.
Every.single.time. he get pay he do that, he do it out of his own willing. He said spend it on anything I want, go shopping and buy things for myself.. but I don't want to spend his hard work money.
Those new $100 dollars bill he give me does add up quickly, because he get pays six times a month.. And he give me more than one $100 bills everytime time he get pays. Sometimes he give me $200, sometimes he give me $300. If he work holidays, he get pay more, he give me more.
I flat out tell him I put the money in the saving. Because I don't spend it, so the money will just keep adds up and up weekly, as he keeps put money into the wallet at home for me to use/spend.
I don't use, I don't spend it. And I can't keep have these cash laying around at home, so I told him I put the money he give me in to a saving. I said he can take it back anytime he wants.
He thinks I'm silly. And he said he will not take back the money. He said it my spending money, it mine.
I did make it clear, I tell him don't give me money, but he say he wants to. He said go buy anything I want, spend it on whatever I want, do whatever I like with it.
I flat out tell him I don't want his money. I don't need him to give me spending money. But he keep on insist. So I have to put those money in an saving account.
He get pay weekly on his full time job. And bi-weekly on his part time job. So that 6 times he give me money a month.
A month I get at least $1,200 from him. Because he always bring me back at least two hundred dollars bills when he get pay each time. And this is just my spending money.
Holidays month I get more. Because when he get pay more from work holidays, he bring home give me more money.
But Nope, I don't need it. I told him I just save it. Heck, save it for our future baby, for their college tuition. 18 years later, I'm sure it added up enough to pay for their college.
And we live in California, a High Cost of Living state. We need to save up money, because everything is so expensive here. You know how California are.
Yes, we poor. But life is quite comfy because we both Debt free, zero debt.
No cars debt, no credit card debts. We pay all our credit cards bills early every month. Once we get the bills, we pay it right away. So our credit scores is excellent.
We pay rent on time early every month too.
Right now we just save up money for a house down-payment.
We live BELOW our means. It just a two of us, so there isn't much to spend on.
We do have decent amount in saving. We save for retirement.
Financial is not a problem in our marriage. With his income alone, he doing quite well by himself.
He very responsible with money, he work hard to secure for the future. Every month he always puts money in saving account in case of rainy days. He make sure we have a decent amount in saving, make sure we in a comfortable financial position. He save for our baby future and save for us, and save for emergency. He's a HUGE planner.
Me? Not so much. I'm the type of girl that live paycheck by paycheck, because my job is minimum wage, it not much to save.
So thank you to him, I live a comfy life.
And I'm the one that do checkbook balance, keep track of money.
He doesn't like to go online. He doesn't like to do any banking/financial stuff related online. He Never do eStatements, everything is through paper mail home to him.
All bills all financial stuff, monthly credit card bill, saving/checking bank statements; are all mail home to him in paper, he like and prefer to keep Paper Statements for everything.
He wants me to help balance his check book for him. And I help him as he request, I balance it and let him see it over afterwards.
When he use his credit cards bills receipts; I check all transactions receipts, and make sure the amount payment is correct before he pay off the bill.
Same with his bank accounts transactions; when the saving/checking statements come home, he wants me to help him check it. He said he wants me to balance his check book. We have complete financial transparency.. He said I'm his wife, and he trust me.
I don't see him being controlling financial at all. He wouldn't be giving me spending money if he controllling. He never touch a penny of my money. He make 4x more than me anyways, what is the point of touch my minimum wage job money?
Be happy to found somebody who doesn't mind your clumsiness and show your appreciation every now and then. You can't prevent your clumsiness but you can keep the house cleaner and not let stuff laying around.
He treats you like a princess, if you want to keep that privilege, be nice to him in return!
I think you have a husband who loves you and who is used to keeping the house clean and doesn't mind doing it. I don't see why you need to change anything other than start picking up your own things so he doesn't have to, and let him know you appreciate what he does.
My husband's uncle was a lot like your husband. A little different situation because his wife was an alcoholic, but she'd be sitting in the kitchen with her drink and he'd calmly go around the house picking up anything that was out of place. Their home was very neat and everything was always in place. It wasn't until I spent a day there that I saw it was actually him who maintained the house. There were a lot of guests there that day and he just went around serving guests, picking up dirty dishes, rinsing them putting them in the dishwasher, wiping counters, putting things in place - all while chatting with guests. He wasn't angry that his wife was sitting with her drink doing nothing; I really don't think he minded. He is the one who wanted the place clean and he was willing to do what it took to make sure that happened.
I think you are doing fine.
My husband is like yours as far as not letting me do things, but not to that extreme. Like I was going to mow the yard when we first moved into a house many years ago, and he said NO, he didn't want me to mow. So I have never mowed the yard. Regarding other things he has told me he would do (moving furniture that I can move myself), I have told him I was perfectly capable of doing those things before I met him and I'm perfectly capable now, and he hasn't pushed the issue. But all the outside work - mowing, leaf raking, planting, pruning, trimming, exterior maintenance, painting, garage, etc - he takes care of all that.
And answer the question. These are items I have the tendency to leave on the carpet, and he keeps pick it up for me.
-- a Grocery ads paper. I was reading the grocery ads, and somehow it end up on the carpet instead of put it away.
-- a clean plastic trash bag. I was suppose to change the trash in the kitchen, but forget. Somehow the trash bag end up on the carpet.
-- a wallet of mine.
-- a pair of sock.
-- a Klennex tissue box. I use it when I sneeze (allergy), and somehow the box end up on the carpet.
-- my phone charger. Somehow end up on the carpet.
-- a pen. I write something, and somehow the pen end up on the carpet.
-- my bra. Somehow end up on the carpet instead of me put it in the laundry.
-- a Chinese DVD case. I put the DVD in to watch, and somehow the DVD case end up on the carpet.
When I come home, those items start to slowly end up on the carpet. I really don't know how it end up there, but somehow it end up there. I know it probably me being lazy, not picking it up.
I come home before my husband. Those items started end up on the carpet, and I just leave it like that till my husband get home.
When my husband come home from work and see those items laying on carpet; he just pick it up for me, and put it back to place. He NEVER critcize me or anything, I guess he knows I'm clumsy like that.
Yes, I need to work on this. Learn how to pick it up, and make sure it won't end up back in the carpet again.
I admit it my fault. I need to work on this, I will start work on it starting today.
And his full time job.
He is a Tanker truck driver, he hauls gasoline an fuel liquid. He hauling 10,000 gallons of highly flammable gasoline/fuel, delivered 5-6 loads per day. He does work long hours.
Driving tanker trucks can be stressful, because there more danger/risk and responsibility. Also need balance driving skills too especially when there sloshing liquid movement. And if you have tight deadlines delivered fuel on time, and there traffic ahead; it can be mentally stressful.
I know he tired.
And I know his job nature, I know there accident happened on freeway daily. I live in a crowded population state, where the freeway are always pack.. IF another truck crash to my husband Tanker truck, there go my husband life.
The job is not ideal, but driving the fuel Tanker truck is the only job option out of all truck driving, that would let driver home everyday so they can be with their family.
The job is stable, with great benefits. Health benefits, vacation days, sick days/personal days.
I'm not complaining about his job. He got to do what he go to do to survive right?
He got pay 60K on this job. Last year in 2015, he bring home 65K because he work all the holidays dates. He did get paid extra, at double time and a half, so it not that bad considering the pay.
Anyways, that his full time job.
He did take on a part time job on the weekend, so he can make 15K more a year.
If you add up the salary, he make almost 80K a year. That is 4x times more than me. So why he needs money? He sure doesn't need a minimum wage girl job money like me.
He work alot. He only have half a day off on the weekend. He working his butt off right now so we can save up faster for a house down-payment.
And right now we don't have any kids yet, so this is the time to work and save EXTRA money, save save save.
Because once I'm pregnant. He said he will quit his weekend part time job, so he can be home with me the whole weekend. He really want a baby to complete our family, but I keep hold back the plans. And he been patiencely waiting.
I know he work a full time job and a part time job. He very tired, I know this. That is why I don't go around accuse my husband of being "Controlling".
I really don't want to argue and debate with him over who do laundry, or who clean up the broken glass. Or who clean up the spills Soda cans.
Sure, I can argue with him until he let me do laundry, or clean upthe broken glass. But it is worth the arguing?
As his wife, my job is to make sure he have dinner on the table, so he can have fresh meal to eat when he home.
I'm not gonna go argue with him just because he said I go do the dishes, and he cleans up the whole kitchen. It is really worth an arguing? No it not.
Is he controlling? It depends on how different ladies interpret it. But he treats me really well, he not bully me or anything. No one is perfect, no husband is perfect.
Sure, perhaps he treats me like a child. But no marriage is perfect. I really don't know what to do, it is what it is.
ETA: Yup, I'm worried one day he will burn out too. I been thinking to tell him quit the weekend job. He needs more sleep for sure.
Because his fuel tanker truck job Mon-Fri, he has to go to work before sunrise.
3AM he already wake up, so he can eat breakfast and get ready go to work before sunrise.
Last edited by ishe; 02-22-2016 at 02:03 PM..
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