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My best friend and I have been friends for ages, since we were like 5 until now that we're 17-18, and my family and I have known her father for such a long time. Like, this was so unexpected and out of nowhere, nobody expected it. He wasn't sick, he was healthy. Yet he still died of Cardiac Arrest. According to what my parents told me, he was taking this perspiration drug (can't remember the name but I know it was to help him sleep and it was pretty powerful) and I guess he overdosed. I don't even know if my friend knows about that, because she's COMPLETELY SHUT DOWN. I'm not kidding, I went over to her grandmother's house (where she lives now) to try and offer my support, but the whole time I was there she was legit looking right through me as if I wasn't even there. I don't even know if she realized I was there. It's been around 3 weeks since he passed, and I've still heard nothing from my friend.
She hasn't been in school, and every time I call it goes to effing voicemail. I wish I could talk to a relative or a sibling or anything, but her mother left her dad and her when she was very young, and she's an only child… Wouldn't it be kind of rude to barge in and disturb her grandmother who is like 83 years old? Idk, I don't want to seem clingy or intrusive, since I already visited once, but on the other hand, I know my friend, and I know that she's been unstable in the past, which is why I'm getting so worried. Her dad meant SO much to her, he was literally all she had, and she loved him more than anything. It's just… we've been best friends for such a long time and I don't understand why she just won't open up to me… she has in the past, and so have I. But now it's like she hates me. I still don't fully understand what happened to her dad and why he died of Cardiac Arrest, and beyond the prescription thing my parents aren't being of much help. So guys, what do I do?
You should as this in this forum: http://www.city-data.com/forum/mental-health/ - or possibly in the grief & morning forum (do a search in both to see if there are posts that will help you)
Definitely visit the aforementioned forums. But also, continue trying to be supportive. Losing a parent at a young age is devastating and healing doesn't happen easily. Hopefully, she is in counseling to help her cope with the grief.
Try to coax her out of the house. Go to a funny movie or to dinner. Sometimes have a "task" or something to look forward to helps a great deal. Just through it all - love her unconditionally and show her you care. Even if it's just sitting with her without saying anything can help more than you know. Good luck to you and healing thoughts to your friend.
My best friend's father died 2 years ago. He was elderly with numerous health issues, it was not a surprise at all.
My friend still had a very hard time dealing with it (and was in her early 50's), I kept in touch with her every couple of weeks, giving her time, but letting her know I was there (she is married with kids and siblings, so a lot of support).
I told her when she was ready I wanted to take her to dinner, we would drink a toast to her dad.
Took her about 3 months when she said she was ready to go out.
This happening to someone younger and being that it was not expected is a huge shock.
Everyone needs their own time, just continue to be a friend to her, when she is ready to let you back into her life, she will, but don't forget about her in the meantime.
she is in shock and deep grief. give her a bit more time then go see her in person. bring her some flowers or a sweet treat. talk about her father. tell her what you admired about him, how they look alike. let her talk about her dad. so many times people want you to forget and not talk about the person who died. ask her out to lunch. she will slowly come around. profound grief is a real bear.
It's still very early. And it's not really important that you understand what happened to her father. Just leave her a message, tell her you are there for her, even if it means you sit quietly at a lake, on a bench, while she cries and you hold her. There are not really any words that can help. Just be there for her. Grieving is hard, hard work. Don't feel like she has shut you out. It's bad enough losing a parent when they are old and ailing, and you've had them for 50 years. This is very young, unexpected and untimely. This is a big deal. Good luck.
Everyone who has posted is right. When my sister passed away suddenly, I just wanted to get through the day and go home and stare at the wall. It took about 3 months to begin to want to be around people for anything fun.
Just keep making the attempts and let her know you are there for her when she is ready for company. Maybe send her a text once a week. Even though she might not respond, it's good for her knowing she still has a caring friend.
Thank you for being such a good and concerned friend. Don't abandon her now because she's not being responsive. I would recommend being old-fashioned and sending her a card through the mail. Just let her know that you understand she needs some time, but that you are there for her no matter what whenever she wants to reach out. Let her know you're going to step back and give her space, but you are ready to step back in whenever she's ready. Given that this was really her only parent, her life is complete chaos right now. If she reaches out, just go over there and be a good listener. She'll love you for it later.
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