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Let's invent a guy called Chad. Chad has a Facebook profile which he doesn't use very often. He never talks about religion, politics, feminism, gay rights, abortion or other sensitive issues, online or offline. He's always polite and courteous, but never crosses the line from acquaintance to true friendship on his own initiative. You likely have no clue what Chad's views are on any important issue. Would you like him, dislike him, or ignore him?
Chad is in his 30s, married w/o kids.
Of course, any friend would "reveal" but I'd expect that to be done over dinner together, not on Facebook. Whether I liked him or not would depend on what he was like overall. Just being courteous isn't adequate for me, but if he were well-informed, chatty, and funny, then I'd be happy to have him as an acquaintance, even if he didn't become a close friend.
However, I have to say that, with the way I converse, I'd probably find out his views fairly soon.
How would I know if I like him if he doesn't reveal much? Maybe he's boring or depressed. What if he's shy? Would I have to make an extreme effort to get to know him? Would he be a helpful friend or a brooding menace with a grudge against society?
How would I know if I like him if he doesn't reveal much? Maybe he's boring or depressed. What if he's shy? Would I have to make an extreme effort to get to know him? Would he be a helpful friend or a brooding menace with a grudge against society?
No, I like people who are candid and open.
There is an alternative.
you don't have to Like or Dislike. You can just Accept and Not Judge.
you don't have to Like or Dislike. You can just Accept and Not Judge.
That wasn't the OP's question. I work with people who don't reveal much. It's tiresome because I have to figure out what makes them tick.
For instance, there are four guys at work. One is smart, has a creative streak, doesn't get to express it, and sometimes seems like he doesn't like women. I need his assistance occasionally. He has seniority, but I have the same rank. In order to get what I need, in the form of info or sincere help on a complex task, I have to engage his interest to get what we need. If I try to get him to give creative input, he defers and leaves the scene.
Same with the second guy, except he's in a fog and I cant tell what's going on in his head. If I straight out ask, I may or may not get what I need. He might just vanish. But if I involve him in decision making to some degree, he does well.
Third guy doesn't like much of anything and does a bad job at everything. But if I involve someone else in the task, he might do quality work for awhile, as long as he gets the right feedback or light handling.
The last guy is more of an open book. If he screws up or does a fantastic job, I can respond with praise or constructive critism and everything moves forward.
Leaves me thinking the silent types are just passive aggressive.
That wasn't the OP's question. I work with people who don't reveal much. It's tiresome because I have to figure out what makes them tick.
For instance, there are four guys at work. One is smart, has a creative streak, doesn't get to express it, and sometimes seems like he doesn't like women. I need his assistance occasionally. He has seniority, but I have the same rank. In order to get what I need, in the form of info or sincere help on a complex task, I have to engage his interest to get what we need. If I try to get him to give creative input, he defers and leaves the scene.
Same with the second guy, except he's in a fog and I cant tell what's going on in his head. If I straight out ask, I may or may not get what I need. He might just vanish. But if I involve him in decision making to some degree, he does well.
Third guy doesn't like much of anything and does a bad job at everything. But if I involve someone else in the task, he might do quality work for awhile, as long as he gets the right feedback or light handling.
The last guy is more of an open book. If he screws up or does a fantastic job, I can respond with praise or constructive critism and everything moves forward.
Leaves me thinking the silent types are just passive aggressive.
Or, just silent....
The question was, does it make you DISLIKE them. You said, well, I don't Like them.
I said, there is another possibility
You could just feel neutral about them. Like I do about horses. Ok for some things but very limited in use and application in My World.
I wouldn't buy one or ride one, but I respect that some do, and that's ok. I don't have to judge it.
My ex was like Chad! You have to gain his trust and be his friend in order for him to get him to talk and get his views!! This is a rare personality trait in a day and age where everyone is like 'hear ME out'!
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