Why are so many people lousy at NECESSARY Small Talk? (introverts, wives)
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Not everyone is extroverted, just like not everyone wants to jump in for a game of street basketball. Some people don't have the desire or ability, and that's ok.
Off-topic, but is it just me, or have we been seeing more and more of these threads from new accounts that are banned a few days later?
Good rule of thumb. A person who regards small talk as uninteresting is, quite likely, an uninteresting person himself.
Why? Because no talk is small. Even supposedly mundane topics reveal a great deal about the other person. Their opinions and reactions, what they're interested in, and the like. Of course, that means that you have to be a motivated and empathetic person. What's more, those nice, safe topics are really an invitation to explore one another's thoughts and attitudes a little more deeply. It's for the creation of mutual trust. That is, if you give enough of a damn.
Besides, there are times when we simply aren't in the mood to discuss Nietzsche, Heidegger, and Schopenhauer. Sometimes the weather will do.
It's a lost art in many places. I can be terrible at it but as I get older, I get better at it. I know many southerners are very gifted at it and learn it from a young age. I so admire that trait in them. It took me a long time to see it and understand what they were doing because I can be very quiet and dense.
I am very introverted and so sometimes I am happy to stare at the way a room was constructed. I examine every outlet, the flooring, the structure. This takes up time and makes me happy but then I realize some days that others want to talk. So I sort of "wake up" and talk. I love how here in Texas the older Texans will nod and greet you when you go in the doctor's office waiting rooms. These are the other patients, such a quaint custom. They are dying off, I see less of that. I now go and see many middle aged folks with their noses in the cell phones which I find boring. I would rather people watch, structure watch, read a mag or book or yes sometimes small talk with a stranger.
I'd be the first to admit that I'm not always good at, or have the patience for small talk. I'm fine with it if it's, say.....a customer interaction at work. However, if it's my mom asking me if I'm cooking something/washing clothes when it's really obvious what I am doing, then I get annoyed.
Good rule of thumb. A person who regards small talk as uninteresting is, quite likely, an uninteresting person himself.
Not necessarily. Introverts can be very interesting people with varied and deep interests and lots of knowledge about those areas, but we largely hate small talk. We prefer to get into a more meaningful conversation if conversation is going to happen. I find small talk excruciatingly boring and draining, but I made sure I learned how to do it when necessary. Being an introvert and hating small talk is no excuse for not taking responsibility to learn at least a little how to engage in it. The whole point of this thread was "NECESSARY small talk." Chatting with someone in line at a store is not necessary, but mingling with other professionals at a conference is sometimes necessary.
I've been at social and work-relate events where people tried to make small talk with me by talking about sports. Unfortunately, I know or care zero about sports. Sports are not a "universal" topic that everyone can discuss or wants to discuss. In some social circles, sports might seem universal, buy they aren't. I actually once told a guy who was trying to chat me up about sports that I'm not really into sports, and he was so stumped as to what to talk about he actually said, "Well you're from the Philly area, so if you did like sports, do you think you'd be an Eagles fan?" Now that's limited.
I've had that happen to me, too. There are people around here who have a hard time understanding that anyone could have 0% interest in the Steelers.
I was about to answer this but noticed when this poster joined and think it could be the man who wants to be a nun and who carries a gun even when he holds his new born baby.... its tiring, just like making small talk..
Not necessarily. Introverts can be very interesting people with varied and deep interests and lots of knowledge about those areas, but we largely hate small talk. We prefer to get into a more meaningful conversation if conversation is going to happen. I find small talk excruciatingly boring and draining, but I made sure I learned how to do it when necessary. .
Small talk is made for extroverts, its not something that introverts would invent.
Last edited by Tim Randal Walker; 03-03-2016 at 11:51 AM..
Not necessarily. Introverts can be very interesting people with varied and deep interests and lots of knowledge about those areas, but we largely hate small talk. We prefer to get into a more meaningful conversation if conversation is going to happen. I find small talk excruciatingly boring and draining, but I made sure I learned how to do it when necessary. Being an introvert and hating small talk is no excuse for not taking responsibility to learn at least a little how to engage in it. The whole point of this thread was "NECESSARY small talk." Chatting with someone in line at a store is not necessary, but mingling with other professionals at a conference is sometimes necessary.
Speak for yourself. I'm an introvert and make unnecessary small talk all the time.
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