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Yes, making small talk can be a pain and kind of boring. But many times we must make small talk as part of our job, when meeting new people we want to know or get on their good side or at events with family or friends.
I am introduced to many people at these events and they are like talking to a wall. Incredibly weak at small talk. Some seem like they are trying but many don't understand how important small talk can be.
Probably because not all people have a the same idea of what constitutes a topic that is "small talk" that everyone can take part in.
I've been at social and work-relate events where people tried to make small talk with me by talking about sports. Unfortunately, I know or care zero about sports. Sports are not a "universal" topic that everyone can discuss or wants to discuss. In some social circles, sports might seem universal, buy they aren't. I actually once told a guy who was trying to chat me up about sports that I'm not really into sports, and he was so stumped as to what to talk about he actually said, "Well you're from the Philly area, so if you did like sports, do you think you'd be an Eagles fan?" Now that's limited.
Same thing with "popular" TV shows. Too many people have tried to make small talk with me by mentioning Dancing With the Stars, American Idol, or the Bachelor/Bachelorette. I hate shows like that, and it's wrong for people to assume that "everyone" watches them, even if the people in their usual circle do. I love the Walking Dead, Downton Abbey, Jeopardy, and American Pickers, but I have enough sense to not expect that some strangers I'm mingling with for the first time watch what I watch.
Gone are the days when everyone you meet watched Seinfeld or 60 Minutes the night before.
The key is to base your small talk on the setting you're in (the place, the purpose of the event, the food, the drinks, how the traffic sucked getting here), the obvious commonality you have (being in the same industry or taking the same training), or very well known current events that are not politically loaded. If I'm in an event that includes all mental health professionals, there is a whole other set of "universal" small talk topics. If I'm at an event consisting of people into genealogy or pet rescue, then there are whole other areas of small talk that are "universal." Plus it helps to be able to make jokes that the majority of the population will laugh at.
Probably because not all people have a the same idea of what constitutes a topic that is "small talk" that everyone can take part in.
I've been at social and work-relate events where people tried to make small talk with me by talking about sports. Unfortunately, I know or care zero about sports. Sports are not a "universal" topic that everyone can discuss or wants to discuss. In some social circles, sports might seem universal, buy they aren't. I actually once told a guy who was trying to chat me up about sports that I'm not really into sports, and he was so stumped as to what to talk about he actually said, "Well you're from the Philly area, so if you did like sports, do you think you'd be an Eagles fan?" Now that's limited.
Same thing with "popular" TV shows. Too many people have tried to make small talk with me by mentioning Dancing With the Stars, American Idol, or the Bachelor/Bachelorette. I hate shows like that, and it's wrong for people to assume that "everyone" watches them, even if the people in their usual circle do. I love the Walking Dead, Downton Abbey, Jeopardy, and American Pickers, but I have enough sense to not expect that some strangers I'm mingling with for the first time watch what I watch.
Gone are the days when everyone you meet watched Seinfeld or 60 Minutes the night before.
The key is to base your small talk on the setting you're in (the place, the purpose of the event, the food, the drinks, how the traffic sucked getting here), the obvious commonality you have (being in the same industry or taking the same training), or very well known current events that are not politically loaded. If I'm in an event that includes all mental health professionals, there is a whole other set of "universal" small talk topics. If I'm at an event consisting of people into genealogy or pet rescue, then there are whole other areas of small talk that are "universal." Plus it helps to be able to make jokes that the majority of the population will laugh at.
Yes, making small talk can be a pain and kind of boring. But many times we must make small talk as part of our job, when meeting new people we want to know or get on their good side or at events with family or friends.
I am introduced to many people at these events and they are like talking to a wall. Incredibly weak at small talk. Some seem like they are trying but many don't understand how important small talk can be.
Why are so many people just lousy at small talk?
Just like I am sure there are things you aren't strong at, others aren't strong at small talk. I am terrible at it because I am shy and think of myself as socially awkward. I'm great with ppl I know but with new ppl, I'm like a deer in headlights. I'm so afraid that I will say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing, that it takes a whole lot of courage to start small talk with a stranger. Then, I find myself second-guessing what I said or did. I know a lot of people who are similar and we try to fight through it. We are always worried about people silently rolling their eyes at us as we struggle and that causes us to retract into our shell or just hang out with ppl we know which is not the purpose of networking events.
My recommendation (coming from the other side of the fence) is try not to focus so much how bad the other person is at small-talk, but rather on making that person feel more comfortable talking with you. For my part, I have been fortunate to have some great extroverted ppl help me out and once I'm more comfortable, I'm much easier to talk with.
Like everything in life "practice makes perfect". Lots of people don't leave their daily circle of family, work and friends.They don't experience being around people they don't know.
I met new people all the time in my career as a photographer and I learned how to make them feel quickly at ease before photographing them, usually with their family of several generations. I couldn't memorize what city everyone was from so usually commented about the good weather or what a great color their shirt was or what they were planning to do the next day (beach, fishing, etc). I also am not into sports and never discuss anything controversial (news, politics).
Even though I'm retired now people are still interesting to me, where they are from originally, what restaurant they went to recently and what was good. I'm not a natural extrovert but being in business made me more of one. People know things that I might want to know so it's not so much being nice as wanting to know good stuff.
I despise small talk, and avoid it all costs. I don't need to talk about trivial things to get to know someone and build relationships.
"So, how's the weather where you are?"
Really.
Surely people can come up with more creative things to say than that.
People come up to me all the time, at grocery stores, banks, sidewalks, but we never resort to baloney small talk. They just start talking to me, sharing their lives. (No, they are not "crazy" - I've had all different types of people just start talking to me in like the frozen food aisle at the grocery store. Someone in scrubs after work or on lunch break, firemen, soldiers, little old ladies, people my own age, males, females...) I listen to their stories. I know more about these people by just listening and allowing them to share their story that for some reason, to this day I do not know why people feel so at ease around me because I really don't feel I'm giving off that vibe, they decide to come up and start sharing with me, MORE than I ever learn about someone when making small talk.
Oh probably they just have a problem talking to folks who are Retired Now that are 30 year old college students worried about their professors who get stared at in India while not saying hello to the receptionist in their company. Did I leave anything out?
Small talk greases the wheels of social interaction. If you refuse to engage in any small talk ever, you might find yourself lonely at social gatherings. I really enjoyed Tracy Sam's post about this. It sounds as if people were trying, unsuccessfully, to find an area of interest (sports) based on where she was from, rather than on things that they had in common.
At conferences, wouldn't it be better to talk about the meetings or speakers you were listening to or participating in? "How'd you enjoy Dr. So and So's lecture on whatsit?" "What? you went to Dr. Whosit's symposium? What she have to say?" Anything along those lines has to be better than trying to chat up someone about sports, when it isn't a sports themed event.
Today I struck up a conversation while walking a track with a person who easily began talking with me, and it was a pleasure meeting her and exchanging info. She told me a lot about her situation and recommended a good senior fitness class. I confessed to having knee pain, and she told me about her recovery from a broken leg. It was very natural. We were in a fitness center, we obviously both value being fit, and we are obviously seniors. It would have been dumb to try to talk about politics, sports or where we liked to shop, because we don't know each other and we were just making small talk.
Some posters in these threads declare that they only want to talk about important stuff. You won't get a chance to talk about important stuff if you can't start off with the small stuff. And most of us don't really want to hear your opinions about current events, politics, economics, or the state of the world anyway. And you probably don't want to hear mine, either.
I have become more inhibited now in conversations because of the rise in political correctness that seems so prevalent in these present times.
Here in So. Calif., there is an ever present awareness of class consciousness that shows up in the beginning of every conversation in the form, "So, where do you live ? What kind of a car do you drive ? What do you do for a living ? What company do you work for ?"
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