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The best thing I can say about people not liking me or wanting to be around me is that I don't have to have them in my home or invite them to my parties. Just more people that I don't have to send a Christmas card to.
I completely get the awkward feeling and there must be something they are annoyed with.
Either one of your children has a bad reputation or you do.
Are you dressing inapropriately, look very different than others, have weird family members who might be known by them, criminal background, crazy ex bf ..... SOMETHING?
Lol. It's not my daughter. As I mentioned, she is really a good kid and her teaches praises her ability to get along with all the kids. She's never had an issue with any student ever. She was even assigned to be the helper of a little girl who broke her arm over the weekend. Aside from the fact we have no crazy family history, criminal records or whatever, these people no NOTHING about us. They know we have three kids, I stay home with them, the city we live and that we are moving. Nothing more. And no I don't dress inappropriately. I wear jeans or leggings with loose shirts or tank tops. No booty or boobies showing. I wear normal makeup. If I looked weird and it bothered them, thru wouldn't talk to me in the first place.
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Originally Posted by CSD610
It is only awkward because you are allowing their behavior to control your emotions and reactions to their behavior.
If it did not bother you I doubt you would be posting about it and asking strangers for advice.
Why are you voluntarily trying to force people to like or talk to you? Go do what you need to do at the events and respond if one of them greets you, otherwise ignore them like a bad dog.
I said I only posted because I know I have to see them tomorrow.
I am not trying to force anyone to talk to me. My attempts at the party failed, my attempts yesterday failed. I am not going to attempt anymore, but I am not going to go out of my way to be rude either. If we need to interact, I will be very nice, because it makes their dislike of me petty and invalid.
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Originally Posted by theluckygal
These stupid high school clique-type groups are common everywhere. These people you describe are shallow & have no power in their other relationships so they vent out by bullying others. It makes them balance their power. They are insecure & have many inner conflicts within the group. On the outside it might seem like they are happy but the group dynamic is way off balance. Imagine how miserable their life must be when they go out of the way to make someone feel unwelcome. The fact that you even care a little bit gives them all the power they need so don't fall for that. My concerns are politics, world affairs, my health, finances, family & future, not how I am going to make this new person feel miserable so that I can suck in some power. My job, intelligence, strong relationships make me feel powerful so I don't need to search for power any place else.
Don't even bother giving them a second thought. Pay attention to people who are interested in you. Be confident & don't feel any pressure to fit in if you feel pout of place. They are a small, insignificant part of your life so don't pay any attention to them. Fake formalities are enough when dealing with them. You tried mingling so your job is done. A lot of people in the group just follow one or 2 group leaders who decide the behavior of rest of the group. They follow these leaders without questioning them because they would rather be part of the group than be alone. A strong person walks away & finds their own kind but they wont give in to the 'abuse'. Be that strong person & find your own kind.
Thank you. I feel like the bolded part is the first mom. She just treated me funny from the start and maybe she didn't like how well I was getting along with "her" friends at the first party so she said something to them. That's the only thing I can think of .
Lol. It's not my daughter. As I mentioned, she is really a good kid and her teaches praises her ability to get along with all the kids. She's never had an issue with any student ever. She was even assigned to be the helper of a little girl who broke her arm over the weekend. Aside from the fact we have no crazy family history, criminal records or whatever, these people no NOTHING about us. They know we have three kids, I stay home with them, the city we live and that we are moving. Nothing more. And no I don't dress inappropriately. I wear jeans or leggings with loose shirts or tank tops. No booty or boobies showing. I wear normal makeup. If I looked weird and it bothered them, thru wouldn't talk to me in the first place.
sorry, no offense. Just trying to find an obvious cause.
You know what? Who cares! I mean, I know that you want to be included in these things, but most of us have already lived that kind of life, right? Feeling like we are in High School again?
I, for one have been there done that. Played that game, and now that we are parents of our children, we don't have to play anymore!
Who cares if she turned away, or she didn't talk to you! You are not there for you anymore. Its all about your daughter.
And, if you plan to move away soon, it doesn't matter anyway.
Women can be real a$$holes, and it doesn't take much!
Smile your biggest smile, and be happy that your daughter is having a good time, then go home, and thank God you don't act like them!
Exactly. Your feelings are yours...you'll have to join groups yourself to make friends. Do that when you move. Sit and make a list of your interests...than look for opportunities to join groups you can participate in.
It is not a prerequisite that your daughters friends parents will be your friends.
Also...are you in MN...I remember a thread about moving to MN?
We moved from NYC to Florida when my son was 10(5th grade) and my daughter was three...the 5th grade mothers looked at me like I was a bug on the head of a pin...it was a long lonely year till my daughter started pre-school(same school)...on the first day I met another mom (also from NE) we hit it off immediately and are still close friends to this day...don't really know why I wasn't liked by any moms in my son"s class and really don't care now(but it hurt back then)...just start fresh in your new school...good luck and sorry you are going through this too...
There's no telling what made this group of women act the way they did/are. I know it's hurtful and it stinks when you don't know why. When I was younger and my son was little, I enrolled him in Cub Scouts. I was very poor back then and lived in a single wide trailer. The rest of the parents were from an affluent area and they wanted nothing to do with me. They ignored me and hardly acknowledged me if I needed to speak to them. It was terribly hurtful and I was on the verge of tears the entire time I had my son at any gatherings, but I had to put on a brave face for his sake. That was a really hard time in my life. I am an introvert and can be uncomfortable in strange gatherings. I am always the one who is nice to the new person because I know how hard that can be and I don't like people to feel the discomfort that I have felt when I have been ignored because I was the new person. Hopefully when you move you'll find a more welcoming group to hang out with.
Exactly. Your feelings are yours...you'll have to join groups yourself to make friends. Do that when you move. Sit and make a list of your interests...than look for opportunities to join groups you can participate in.
It is not a prerequisite that your daughters friends parents will be your friends.
Also...are you in MN...I remember a thread about moving to MN?
No, we are not in MN, but it's on our list of places we want to be! We were set on moving there, but need to be more flexible to ensure my husband gets a job.
I wasn't expecting to be BFF's with any of them, but I figured as, you know ADULTS, we could at least have friendly and cordial interactions.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Irishiis49
We moved from NYC to Florida when my son was 10(5th grade) and my daughter was three...the 5th grade mothers looked at me like I was a bug on the head of a pin...it was a long lonely year till my daughter started pre-school(same school)...on the first day I met another mom (also from NE) we hit it off immediately and are still close friends to this day...don't really know why I wasn't liked by any moms in my son"s class and really don't care now(but it hurt back then)...just start fresh in your new school...good luck and sorry you are going through this too...
That's how I felt when I first met that lady. I brushed it off the first time, hoping she was just having a bad day or something, but she still looks at me like that it's weird. She barely talked to me at her daughter's party. Pretty much just hi and bye.
Quote:
Originally Posted by goldenlove
There's no telling what made this group of women act the way they did/are. I know it's hurtful and it stinks when you don't know why. When I was younger and my son was little, I enrolled him in Cub Scouts. I was very poor back then and lived in a single wide trailer. The rest of the parents were from an affluent area and they wanted nothing to do with me. They ignored me and hardly acknowledged me if I needed to speak to them. It was terribly hurtful and I was on the verge of tears the entire time I had my son at any gatherings, but I had to put on a brave face for his sake. That was a really hard time in my life. I am an introvert and can be uncomfortable in strange gatherings. I am always the one who is nice to the new person because I know how hard that can be and I don't like people to feel the discomfort that I have felt when I have been ignored because I was the new person. Hopefully when you move you'll find a more welcoming group to hang out with.
Yup, just doing the brave face thing from now on. I was dying inside at the last party. I felt like no one wanted me there. Ugh!
Thank you. I feel like the bolded part is the first mom. She just treated me funny from the start and maybe she didn't like how well I was getting along with "her" friends at the first party so she said something to them. That's the only thing I can think of .
That sounds plausible. She's probably the queen bee/most miserable of them all, and resented you for just being a normal chatty person and not somehow recognising her as the leader. Hiw are you going to phrase it to this other woman tomorrow? Something like "yeah, I've heard people in NewState are really friendly. I hope so, because people around here have turned out to be so standoffish!"?
Have you thought about going to the first woman and just asking her if you had in some way offended her? For all you know she could have mistaken you for someone else.
They just don't want to socialize with you. That's not really rude.
So the first time one of the moms was chatty and seemingly friendly. Lots of people are like that during a first meeting. They want to come across strong, popular, friendly, open. Maybe she didn't think that you were particularly interesting and when she and her friends found out that you plan to move you became even less interesting. That may be why you are only getting a polite hello but no further attention. I don't think that this is rude.
Similar situations used to bother me too but sometimes other people just aren't interested.
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