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Old 03-09-2016, 01:54 PM
 
33 posts, read 47,305 times
Reputation: 44

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In my close and extended family, it is always me who messages or calls my close relatives to ask how they are etc .
Rarely is anything inititated by them .
At first I did not care but lately I have been feeling taken for granted.
if I dont call for one month- they also dont call to ask how I am doing .

I feel like just because I moved away from my hometown -somehow the onus is on me

Drives me nuts and makes me sad.
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Old 03-09-2016, 09:32 PM
 
Location: Phoenix, AZ
14,391 posts, read 9,931,583 times
Reputation: 7880
Quote:
Originally Posted by bakecake View Post
In my close and extended family, it is always me who messages or calls my close relatives to ask how they are etc .
Rarely is anything inititated by them .
At first I did not care but lately I have been feeling taken for granted.
if I dont call for one month- they also dont call to ask how I am doing .

I feel like just because I moved away from my hometown -somehow the onus is on me

Drives me nuts and makes me sad.
Thats how its been for me my whole life. I just stopped caring. If they dont feel the need to contact me, thats thier loss.
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Old 03-10-2016, 02:59 AM
 
Location: super bizarre weather land
883 posts, read 1,018,590 times
Reputation: 1912
I feel your pain as this is 100% my situation. I think the general attitude is that since I moved away from home I should be the one keeping in touch with them. With some people months can go by without even hearing from them but then they get all upset that I'm not making more of an effort. It made me sad for awhile but now I've focused on people who are interested in keeping in touch. It does suck though
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Old 03-10-2016, 07:56 AM
 
525 posts, read 510,303 times
Reputation: 1610
My mother rarely calls me. I call her about 1x/wk. She's my mother. I want to talk to her. I'm not keeping a scorecard of who called who last. But I certainly wouldn't entertain her being upset if she asked me why I haven't called her (life intervenes). If you wanted to talk, make the call.
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Old 03-10-2016, 08:17 AM
 
Location: USA
2,973 posts, read 2,492,438 times
Reputation: 4974
I know the feeling. My sister lives relatively close to me and rarely initiates contact. It's sad when they don't seem to care when you decide to stop doing the work in maintaining contact with family members.
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Old 03-10-2016, 08:30 AM
 
Location: Durham, NC
25,235 posts, read 36,253,502 times
Reputation: 35893
When I was a teen, I'd figure I'd let my extended family initiate the contact if they wanted to talk to me. In 12 years, they have contacted me a total of 3 times. Shows how much they care.
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Old 03-11-2016, 07:04 PM
 
7,837 posts, read 4,126,629 times
Reputation: 4495
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter View Post
When I was a teen, I'd figure I'd let my extended family initiate the contact if they wanted to talk to me. In 12 years, they have contacted me a total of 3 times. Shows how much they care.
Did they by chance want something?

I have about the same number of times being contacted, and they always wanted something.
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Old 03-11-2016, 07:20 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
28,242 posts, read 18,641,890 times
Reputation: 44218
Quote:
Originally Posted by bakecake View Post
In my close and extended family, it is always me who messages or calls my close relatives to ask how they are etc .
Rarely is anything inititated by them .
At first I did not care but lately I have been feeling taken for granted.
if I dont call for one month- they also dont call to ask how I am doing .

I feel like just because I moved away from my hometown -somehow the onus is on me

Drives me nuts and makes me sad.
It may be that your family has a limited communication style.

In DH's family, he is never called by any of his sibs. It makes him sort of mad, but I think he has mostly made peace with it. He has lived away from his family for about 50 years, so I don't think anything is going to change. Occasionally he calls someone to chat. I don't know why they don't ever call; but because they never do, he almost never does either.

I am able to keep up with them somewhat using FB.

I think different families feel the need to communicate, or not. I can remember talking to two coworkers who told me that they were hurt by family members moving far away and never communicating.

I think you should call your family every 4-6 weeks. I also think you should encourage them to post on FB, and you should too. You may have to do the heavy lifting on this; it may be just one of those things that happens in some families. I agree with you that it is too bad. I'd feel the same way as you, but I don't think it is wise to simply write them off.
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Old 03-11-2016, 11:07 PM
 
33 posts, read 47,305 times
Reputation: 44
It is good to hear people s feedback... Thanks guys
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Old 03-12-2016, 01:11 AM
 
1,752 posts, read 3,223,276 times
Reputation: 2082
they are the same people that also say "hey, haven't heard from you in a while!"
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