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Definitely. I want to save the planet, but I want to save time too. I cook at home pretty often, and good God we accumulate so many dirty dishes! I don't use the dishwasher either; it's more work than handwashing for the two of us. So we use paper plates at dinner time, I hand wash a sinkful every other day, and all is well. I agree with whoever said to keep up with the dishes too. Do them every day instead of letting them pile up. Procrastination is OK for some things, but washing dishes isn't one of those tasks, as it makes the job much harder than doing it in a timely fashion.
Every other day? Wow that sounds nice. I bet I was at least 3 sinks full everyday.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your pup! My brother just lost his dog and he's been a wreck. Very unlike himself. Losing a pet is rough and it takes time to get back to normal.
I would make a new house rule - you both clean up dishes as soon as you use them. You eat a bowl of cereal, you immediately wash the spoon and bowl. No excuses. This point of contention is not worth losing a friendship over. Make this rule, stick to it. It sounds like your friend is indeed getting an amazing deal living with you (I remember how expensive rent is there), but I don't think anyone should have to clean up someone else's dirty dishes because of it. I see these as two totally separate issues.
I hope you two can find a way to coexist peacefully the last couple months and maintain the friendship for when she is gone! I've lost a couple friends over disagreements that happened while living together.
I don't have a dishwasher in the house I bought. My roommate is a close friend who lives with me and gets what could be considered an amazing deal on rent - she doesn't have to kick in for utilities or Internet and pays well below the going rate for half a house and an essentially private bathroom (guests use it when they come over since it is on the main floor). She even gets to park her car in the one-car garage. No pet deposit. We mostly get along pretty good, but sometimes we have minor conflicts. She is a great friend, and I really do like her.
Due to finances, I asked her back around the first of the year to plan on moving out so I could get a higher-paying renter in who didn't also have pets, and she said she would be out by March or April. It's been pushed back to June. Not a big deal, but I suspect it will be longer than that.
Keep in mind that I know I'm a big slob, but I try to keep my mess out of other folks' ways - the downstairs/basement where I live is a mess but all my stuff is downstairs and nothing she really has to deal with. And she was fully aware of how messy I can get (especially when I'm under deadline) as I don't try to hide that from friends. But she's no neatnik herself, unless people are coming over.
I don't mind washing dishes, and when I have the time, I will do repeated loads of dishes until everything is clean - it's the first thing on my list when I set to cleaning because it affects the communal area of the house. But we both cook a lot and we're constantly churning out new dirty dishes. I'm not someone who freaks out at the sight of dirty dishes in the sink, and bugs haven't been a problem (I'm constantly monitoring that situation because I'm a bit paranoid). Moreover, I usually eat my meals downstairs in my office, so I keep the dishes there in a tub and bring them upstairs to do a load of them in one shot. But I've been sick - literally was in bed for 3 days and went back to work too early - and am currently working a deadline at my job.
The roommate has been complaining about how she's the one who always does the dishes. She does do more dishes than I do - I just am not in that part of the house much because I live in the basement for the most part, so I don't have them there in front of me that much. She's in the kitchen a lot more than I am. But like I said, the dishes are my first priority whenever I have time to clean, and I will do multiple loads (especially on weekends) all day long.
But seriously, I put my dog down after she had a bad day a week ago and then immediately got sick myself the next day - I'm only feeling better today (and I still sound like I'm in the late stages of tuberculosis). And today my roommate presented me with a tally of all the times she's washed a load of dishes and I haven't ... since the day I put my dog down.
So I dunno how to address this issue. My feeling is that I cut her a lot of slack on stuff like rent so other than suggesting on occasion that I tackle the dishes (because I don't mind being reminded at all) she should cut me some slack in return. But then if I say that to her I also feel like I'm holding the rent issue over her head, which I don't want to do. I'm just tired of things like when she says "I'll just do the dishes... like I always do" and stuff like that. My job is long hours when I'm under deadline, so some things fall by the wayside during those periods even though I've taken measures to minimize the amount of dishes I generate at times like that (freezer meals ready to go, for example, instead of cooking from scratch).
Or am I totally in the wrong? This seems like a ridiculously long post over a very minor issue - my apologies.
This post is too long. If you use the dish, clean it. Right away. If you can't clean it, don't use it. Get paper plates and utensils. Wash pots and pans immediately. At one time, I limited my husband and I to one plate, one bowl, and one cup each, and packed away everything else, so that there was no possibility of a sink full of dishes. You had to wash one every time you needed it, and it wasn't that hard. You can do the same for pots and pans. If it's causing problems at home, then you need to change.
Tact is lost on some folks. Sounds like the roommate has been tactfully cleaning up behind the OP for a while, now, and look where it's gotten them. I can be as tactful as the next person, but sometimes, for those firmly entrenched in an elaborate rationalization of why their stuff don't stink ("the dry air desiccates it before it can smell"), it's a waste of time, trying to craft a sweetly helpful post.
The OP has gotten so used to it, they probably don't even smell it. I can assure the OP, after visiting Denver for a few days, there are definitely some "fragrant" parts of town that somehow missed that desiccation that they are so proud of. Personally, though, I couldn't care less how the OP chooses to live -- I'm half a continent away, for sure I can't smell it! And the rationalizations are kinda funny, in a twisted sort of entertaining way.
The "dry air" defense is nonsense. I live in Southern CA which is pretty dry, you leave dishes unwashed they actually probably get crustier quicker than in a humid climate. Stink is stink, regardless of where you live.
Quote:
Originally Posted by the minx
At this point, if you value the friendship, you should tell her it's best if she moves out in 30 days (not kick her out).
If she was already to the point that she was keeping tally, this is something that has bothered her far longer than just the few days you weren't feeling well. There's a big difference between not being a neatnik and being a slob; nobody wants to live with a slob.
You're going to be hard pressed to find someone else to tolerate your habits. You said you rise to another person's level of cleanliness but it doesn't sound like you did so with your current roommate - and she isn't even the tidy kind according to you.
Even when you're not feeling well, the world turns. You can't use that as an excuse to be even more slobby (slobbier?). Respect your roommates and you won't have this problem.
I don't agree about asking her to leave to save the friendship, I would bet that there will be no friendship left if she is asked to leave, and don't know about Colorado(but there must be some laws) but in most states you can't just kick someone out anyway.
Agree, OP is going to be hard pressed to find someone who wants to move into that mess. Especially since she wants market rent rate.
We all know the roommate isn't complaining because the OP lost her dog and was sick, this has been an ongoing long term issue.
I think it's gross, you wash as you go. It's amazing how if you wash the pots and pans while you're preparing the food, than do the dishes when you're done eating how much easier it is.
No reason a dishwasher is needed for just two people.
I don't agree about asking her to leave to save the friendship, I would bet that there will be no friendship left if she is asked to leave, and don't know about Colorado(but there must be some laws) but in most states you can't just kick someone out anyway.
Agree, OP is going to be hard pressed to find someone who wants to move into that mess. Especially since she wants market rent rate.
We all know the roommate isn't complaining because the OP lost her dog and was sick, this has been an ongoing long term issue.
I think it's gross, you wash as you go. It's amazing how if you wash the pots and pans while you're preparing the food, than do the dishes when you're done eating how much easier it is.
No reason a dishwasher is needed for just two people.
I said not to kick her out but to give her 30 days notice which is what most states require. They already had a discussion about her moving out so it shouldn't be an issue.
The problem now is that OP is going to have to up her game. If she slips once I imagine the roommate is going to take issue. It's better for the friendship if they talk about it and eliminate the living situation.
Or am I totally in the wrong? This seems like a ridiculously long post over a very minor issue - my apologies.
Was she aware when she moved in the condition was she was to do more dishes for a lesser rent? I hear you saying she should cut you some slack about the dishes since you cut her some slack on the rent. My honest opinion is one has nothing to do with the other UNLESS it was a condition of her lower rent.
Sink full of dirty dishes for days just makes me cringe.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JrzDefector
...and bugs haven't been a problem (I'm constantly monitoring that situation because I'm a bit paranoid).
I said not to kick her out but to give her 30 days notice which is what most states require. They already had a discussion about her moving out so it shouldn't be an issue.
The problem now is that OP is going to have to up her game. If she slips once I imagine the roommate is going to take issue. It's better for the friendship if they talk about it and eliminate the living situation.
I agree about not kicking her out. The OP is a slob. Not too many people are going to move into that situation, and not if they're paying what the going rate for rent is in the area.
People like the OP aren't usually capable of becoming neater. They may try for awhile and than soon enough the dirty dishes will be piling up again.
The current roommate probably had to wash them as they were running out of clean dishes.
This "friction" isn't just over a week or so. This has been ongoing for awhile.
Was she aware when she moved in the condition was she was to do more dishes for a lesser rent? I hear you saying she should cut you some slack about the dishes since you cut her some slack on the rent. My honest opinion is one has nothing to do with the other UNLESS it was a condition of her lower rent.
Sink full of dirty dishes for days just makes me cringe.
The problem is once you see bugs it is too late.
Make me cringe as well, I'm not crazy about cleaning, but dishes get done right away.
And you're right once you see bugs it is too late.
OP, do the dishes instead of "monitoring" for bugs. Seriously how many can there be? Cooking or one or two isn't much to clean up if you do it when you're done eating.
1. Buying a bunch of paper plates won't solve this problem. Unless there's some major, underlying emotional or health issue going on that you have not shared with us, washing dishes regularly is a normal responsibility that comes with the role of being a functional adult. Developing a wasteful habit of using paper plates on a daily basis is not the answer and your dish problem will quickly turn into a much nastier trash one.
2. Having lived with people who refuse to clean up after themselves, I've found the best bet for a good joint living arrangement is to place the immediate responsibility for cleanliness and hygiene on the individual. In a functional, adult household everyone should be expected to clean up their own mess. Obviously there are exceptions where someone is sick, etc but for the most part, the best way to preserve a good living environment is to simply take responsibility for your own tasks. It can be extremely frustrating to come home from work/school and have to clean up someone else's dishes/mess before you can eat dinner. Hygiene is also a concern if people are not cleaning up after preparing raw meat, so this can quickly become more than a simple annoyance.
3. You mention your tenant is a friend. I've found that living with someone is the quickest way to put a strain on a good relationship. This dish issue may not be the hill you want to die upon and it may be better to simply take ownership of your dishes until your friend moves out. It's much easier to enforce household rules when you are renting to someone in a more formal situation.
4. Since you are hoping to rent your place at FMV in the near future, I'd suggest starting to enforce a cleaning regimen on yourself now. You may find that the pool of tenants who are willing to live in a dirty/messy environment are not the type of people you want to live in your house. By improving conditions now you can significantly improve your odds of finding someone responsible to rent from you. If you find this task to be overwhelming, invest in a recurring weekly or bi-weekly cleaning service and absorb the cost through the increased rent money you will be earning. If your new tenant is especially slovenly, pass on a portion of the cleaning fees to them.
Best of luck and hopefully you find a more harmonious living situation soon.
When the roommate complained about doing dishes more than the OP - I assume the roommate is washing OP's dishes and her own? (as the OP does)
Does roommate know OP has dishes downstairs and washes them when she brings them up? As in, roommate think she does ALL OP's dishes.
Details matter to me at times.
If OP is doing dishes often I don't understand why the roommate thinks she is carrying such a big load in comparison. She must think so if she invited this conflict into the living situation. Perhaps roommate needs to be explained to why this is in error?
I don't have a dishwasher either. I don't wash everyday or do half at a time. If it doesn't bother others OP can do as she likes. I'm amazed at people who cannot function unless every bit is clean around them and so on. Dirty plates aren't hurting anyone.
And the disposable thing for those that suggested it - it takes a lot of energy to produce the disposable; it isn't just about degrading or not.
Last edited by magpiehere; 03-22-2016 at 11:26 AM..
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