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So I am 19 and am having issues with my mother. To put it simply she is very irresponsible and wastes money on things like booz, cigarettes and Marijuana. She is always behind on bills and I have helped her out whenever I can. She does have a job as a waitress at a local diner but doesn't make much. Her spending her money on the aforementioned doesn't help.
I know many will say just stop helping her but the issue is my 16 year old sister lives with her so I am helping her as well. And she is a good kid and does well in school but mother won't pay for her cell phone service for example even though she needs it when she is out with friends or at some extracurricular activity.
When I try to talk to her she just yells out stuff like "I raised you I deserve to ask for he from my own daughter!" and lays a guilt trip. Yet growing up I had to be responsible with everything from dishes, to laundry, to cleaning and even making sure bills were paid. When I got my first job as a teen she would routinely take whatever money I made for booze, cigarettes and drugs or whatever else she wanted. On top of all that I pretty much was responsible for raising my sister.
I wasn't perfect and did get in trouble in school now and then to the point I was truant and mother didn't pay for my truancy and ended up getting arrested and spending time in jail. Me and my sister spent time living with relatives until she got out. Never really had a father figure when I was 14 he ended up going to jail for domestic abuse and killed himself while in jail.
I honestly don't even know if a real relationship with my mother is possible seeing as I have absolutely no respect for her. I mainly worry about my younger sister and want to help but don't know the best course of action considering if I give my mother money which she asks for she will likely just use it on superfluous stuff. Any thoughts?
Wow, you sound like a really good and responsible person.
Don't write off your mother entirely. It often happens that someone has a difficult relationship with a parent early on, but it gets better over the years.
I'll also point out something: No, your sister doesn't really "need" her cell phone. It's a convenience that most people are dependent on, but when money is so tight, please remember that she can survive perfectly well using pay phones or other people's phones.
I think that ideally you should stop giving your mother money. But one possibility is that if there is something specific, you can pay that directly. For instance, if she says she needs money for the electric bill, pay the electric company, rather than handing over money to your mother. She may yell, but stand firm.
But what I really wish for you is some kind of supportive person. I'm assuming you don't have an adult friend or relative to advise you, because I think you would have mentioned it. So maybe try seeing if you can find a counselor, not only to help you figure out how to manage things with your mother, but also with any insight on how to help your sister. Perhaps there's some kind of counseling center near you, or perhaps you can ask your doctor for ideas.
Do you live on your own now? She can't take your money if you take your paycheck and put it in the bank. And you can pay your sister's phone bill directly to the phone company. There are ways to deal with this. It won't be pretty, if your mom gets mad for you circumventing her to get things done, but at this point, that's not your problem.
How does your sister get along with your mom? Are there other options for your sister--could she live with you or another relative?
I wish. I currently live in an apartment with my boyfriend and it's real small and not much room and not close to her school. I also doubt mother would approve. She has said she will be glad when sister gets a job and has been bugging her to, most likely so she can just take whatever money she makes as well.
As for the cell phone thing I do feel she needs it since for one I don't even remember the last time I saw a pay phone and she is out a lot and would feel much safer if she had phone service.
do your best to help your sister. mom doesn't need to know all you do. your little sis has 2 years left then she can be gone and your mom won't be such a concern. encourage your sis to do her best in school and have her try to get a job. even if he "shares" with her mom she will have the experience when she moves out.
Do you live on your own now? She can't take your money if you take your paycheck and put it in the bank. And you can pay your sister's phone bill directly to the phone company. There are ways to deal with this. It won't be pretty, if your mom gets mad for you circumventing her to get things done, but at this point, that's not your problem.
How does your sister get along with your mom? Are there other options for your sister--could she live with you or another relative?
Any plans for college, OP?
I live in a small apartment with my boyfriend and work at a retail job trying to save money for college. My sister and mother do not really get along at all and we do talk quite a bit. As I said above she can't live with us for various reasons. Much like what I endured the biggest issue is mother is an alcoholic and she has to always deal with her when she gets drunk from helping her get to bed to cleaning up her vomit. It is very nasty to say the least.
I also know from taking to sister she has a boyfriend of her own and is having sex but mother won't get her BC which sister has asked for. But I don't think I alone can get it for her without mother's permission. Hell I have had to buy sister clothes, toiletries, feminine hygiene products etc.
I wish. I currently live in an apartment with my boyfriend and it's real small and not much room and not close to her school. I also doubt mother would approve. She has said she will be glad when sister gets a job and has been bugging her to, most likely so she can just take whatever money she makes as well.
As for the cell phone thing I do feel she needs it since for one I don't even remember the last time I saw a pay phone and she is out a lot and would feel much safer if she had phone service.
The last time someone told me "I don't even remember the last time I saw a pay phone," I pointed to one right across the street from where we were. You just don't notice them because you don't use them. But, really, I was thinking more of borrowing a phone, just the same way she would if she left her phone at home. Really, it's a big expense for someone who doesn't have a lot of money.
I'm surprised that others aren't also saying that, since you're still a teen yourself, you ought to seek some older help. Meanwhile, keep giving your sister pep talks, reminding her to work at school, because she'll be independent soon.
The last time someone told me "I don't even remember the last time I saw a pay phone," I pointed to one right across the street from where we were. You just don't notice them because you don't use them. But, really, I was thinking more of borrowing a phone, just the same way she would if she left her phone at home. Really, it's a big expense for someone who doesn't have a lot of money.
I'm surprised that others aren't also saying that, since you're still a teen yourself, you ought to seek some older help. Meanwhile, keep giving your sister pep talks, reminding her to work at school, because she'll be independent soon.
I think access to payphones depends largely on where you live. I'm in a suburb of NY and there are no pay phones any where near me. One time when shopping I forgot my credit card so I wanted to call my son to drop it off. There was whole row of stores in that area, Home Depot, Target, Bed Bath and Beyond and other major stores but not one of them had a payphone. Thankfully some stranger allowed me to use hers. I now have my own.
OP, do you have any relatives you can ask for advice?
I wish. I currently live in an apartment with my boyfriend and it's real small and not much room and not close to her school. I also doubt mother would approve. She has said she will be glad when sister gets a job and has been bugging her to, most likely so she can just take whatever money she makes as well.
As for the cell phone thing I do feel she needs it since for one I don't even remember the last time I saw a pay phone and she is out a lot and would feel much safer if she had phone service.
Then get her a Trac Phone from Amazon for $15. They get triple minutes, so you buy a $20 card that will get you 90 days of service and 180 minutes. Every 90 days get a new card and the phone number stays active and the old, unused minutes roll over. You can do it indefinitely, so you can provide her cell service for $95 per year.
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