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Old 03-27-2016, 03:58 AM
 
Location: Middle Earth
951 posts, read 1,137,422 times
Reputation: 1877

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I was the second oldest and oldest daughter. As one of the oldest and being female, I was expected to learn and do everything. I was made to wake up 5 in the morning to help my parents at their farm, was not allowed sleepovers, and cooking and cleaning was a big thing during my time. I used to think my parents didn't love me because they always made me do all the work and didn't ask my older brother, and they would still let my younger sister go camping but not me. I know I wasn't the favorite child, and I don't want to be, but now I'm thankful they did that to me. I'm the most grounded and self sufficient one in the family now, but the other siblings who were more babied? They struggled without my parents' help.

I didn't feel much love from other adults either. I was basically disowned by my dad literally the day I was born, my uncles would talk down on me when they were supposed to lecture my sisters for running away--when it was me who was the good one who listened to her parents and did well in school, but they had to point out that pretty girls don't do bad things, only ugly ones like myself. Basically just went home and cried myself to sleep.

I had a low self esteem due to all the verbal abuse I got and how I didn't fight back. It paved its way to the men I later chose in life. So far, life is so much better without having azzholes in my life.

Outside of home, I was well liked. Had no problens attracting boys, and girls liked me because I was nice and "sweet." I was a good student, usually the top in each class. Teachers liked me, but I was quiet, and didn't like to show off. School was mostly fun and enjoyable for me.

Last edited by AhRainess; 03-27-2016 at 04:07 AM..
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Old 03-27-2016, 08:40 AM
 
19,965 posts, read 30,111,427 times
Reputation: 40023
holy crap!!!

no wonder the brady bunch was so popular...... we all watched it and wondered what the hell are they complaining about??? a pimple??


we've got some brave awesome ladies on here.. started in hell...and still tried to do better for all

its hard reading some of these ...what a-holes the men were....hope they burn in hell
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Old 03-27-2016, 08:47 AM
 
Location: Chicago area
18,763 posts, read 11,755,546 times
Reputation: 64148
Quote:
Originally Posted by mainebrokerman View Post
Lots of people would cycle the bs and crap you grew
With. But you are wise enough not to
Bravo! To you

Lots of kids grew up in shadows that
Most will never suspect... Let's hope most that
Read this have put their own demons to rest

Thanks. For sharing


Thank you for your kindness It could have gone either way. I was the over achiever and my brother was the pet treasured one. My mother encouraged him to be weak and needy. I saw how sick that relationship was at a young age.

I was fortunate enough to have met two wonderful people that were childless and we created our own little family. They were my salvation from the war zone and I spent many happy hours with them.

It's funny how patterns repeat themselves. I have two sisters in my life that are being raised by two alcoholic parents that live next to the house I grew up in. I have never seen the mother sober when I drop off the girls after our monthly sleep overs. She has been harsh to them far too often for my taste as well.

It's a sad compliment when they tell you that they wish that I was their mother. I'm just glad I'm able to pay it forward in honor of those two kind souls that should have been my parent.

I don't know how I was able to put those demons to rest, and I don't know how others continue to set themselves up to be treated like they were as children. I had a friend like that. He seems to thrive on the dysfunction. Sad. Life has so much more to offer then a brief childhood.
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Old 03-27-2016, 11:07 AM
 
Location: Earth
4,575 posts, read 5,175,502 times
Reputation: 7010
I was the younger of me and my brother. Our parents were decent. No big complaints there. They had their flaws like anybody though.

I can't complain much.

I was a bit more outgoing and social as a child. Never had much interest in school work, so I just did enough to get by. That's not good, but it is true.

As I got older, I became more withdrawn, introvert, and shy. So when HS rolled around, I kept to myself in school, didn't really speak unless spoken to and was a victim of teasing - nothing horrid, but still a tad prominent.

My self-esteem also got lower the older I got. Once again, as a child, I was very comfortable with myself, and thought the idea of low self-esteem was stupid. But that feeling didn't last lol. Around 12 or 13, my self-esteem just got lower and lower. These days, it's pretty much non-existent.
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Old 03-27-2016, 02:09 PM
 
Location: in a parallel universe
2,648 posts, read 2,300,850 times
Reputation: 5894
Quote:
Originally Posted by mainebrokerman View Post
holy crap!!!

no wonder the brady bunch was so popular...... we all watched it and wondered what the hell are they complaining about??? a pimple??


we've got some brave awesome ladies on here.. started in hell...and still tried to do better for all

its hard reading some of these ...what a-holes the men were....hope they burn in hell





LOL @ the Brady Bunch. I think my mother must have taken her cues from that. We always had to maintain the image of the perfect family. My mother constantly worried about what the neighbors would think. That's all I heard when I was younger. What will the neighbors think? When my older sister got pregnant without being married she was promptly sent away, the baby put up for adoption and it was never spoken about again. But when the neighbor girl got pregnant and stayed home and kept the baby, she was looked down upon by my mother and labeled a tramp.

oh gosh, Maine.. You're bringing back so many interesting funny memories for me. My dad whom I loved dearly was probably worse than Archie Bunker.

But because of that I grew up to be the total opposite. I see people, not color or where they live.

I'm not one to follow the crowd. I don't care what the neighbors think..

So I can't complain about my childhood. I didn't have perfect parents. They certainly weren't the Brady Bunch but I think I grew up to be more tolerant and a more empathetic person because of them.
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Old 03-27-2016, 03:42 PM
 
Location: East TN
11,046 posts, read 9,684,120 times
Reputation: 40288
I was the 4th child out of 5. My 3 older sibs (2 boys, 1 girl) were one year apart then a 5 year skip before me. My younger brother was 7 years younger and had a different father. So I was alone in the middle. My mom depended on me a lot to watch my younger brother. I was a tomboy, but never had the opportunity to play sports. I climbed trees, hiked, rode bikes, liked to play with the boys. I was a bit of a scholastic prodigy and that was a good thing. We moved A LOT, and I went to a different school about every 6 months, so I was constantly "the new kid". If I hadn't been far ahead of my grade level to start with, I would surely have fallen behind. I think some of my social skills took a hit because I was always trying too hard to fit in at the new school. We were poor and my mom worked her butt off as a server. We survived on her tips. We finally settled down long enough for me to attend only one high school for all four years (my 13th school). I finally found a niche in the drama department and made great friends there. I've worked since I was 16 to support myself, mom pretty much left me to my own devices at that point. I moved out on my 18th birthday, although I still had 4 months left of HS. I knocked around my home town for a few years after graduation, and then went into the USAF for 4 years at age 21.
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Old 03-27-2016, 04:13 PM
 
Location: Between West Chester and Chester, PA
2,802 posts, read 3,179,713 times
Reputation: 4900
I was white trash like Kenny McCormick. My mom was/is a closet alcoholic who chooses her pets over her own kids, except for my younger sibling. I always got shafted. I still do. Her boyfriend was psychologically abusive to me. Even though I have my deep inner circle of friends, I have always felt like I was on the outside looking in, socially.

The neighborhoods I lived in were anything but quaint. They were rough, violent, and pretty crazy. Drive-by shootings were a regular occurrence. It wasn't easy being the only white kid in the neighborhood as well as school. Fights were a common thing. Eventually I made friends with a group of kids who would later go on becoming apart of several notorious gangs in the Los Angeles area. They looked out for me, and I did the same for them.

Upon moving up to central California after turning 13, the situation was a little better as far as the neighborhood was concerned. Instead of my mom's boyfriend being a POS, it was my dad's then-time girlfriend. She was certifiably bat---- out-her-mind crazy, and would use me as a scapegoat. With my dad being gutless, afraid to stand up to her BS, and afraid to defend me, I was often on my own, emotionally, and it had a permanent effect on me.

The house was out in the country, lots of space to roam around, and plenty of abandoned farm houses to explore. The kids around there were into the same sports as I. Unfortunately they didn't go to the same middle school I attended. Being a So-Cal kid, the central California students there had an issue with me. Before then, I had no idea there was some type of regional rivalry in the state. At school, I had zero friends. I was a loner. I was content with it. However, some kids decided to pick on me. It ended when I found the main idiot without his friends. The bullying ended abruptly. Joining the baseball team and being a starting pitcher didn't have any effect on gaining friends from that middle school. The only person who would mentor me was my coach.
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Old 03-28-2016, 02:15 AM
 
Location: Portlandia "burbs"
10,229 posts, read 16,266,427 times
Reputation: 26005
I was the "possession". My brothers are 18 and 21 years older than me. My parents were 40 and 51 when I was born, and they were Old World Europeans. Mom was also bipolar and had twisted views on things. They were very strict on me, especially my mother, and she never let me out of her sight or allowed me to have a normal social life throughout my growing years. I was never sure what her own goals were for me, but I suspect that she wanted me to marry someone SHE liked and be there to take care of her.

But we never got along. My brothers actually dealt with her better, but I was not the type of child to hide under a skirt. I did not take well to being held back, I fought her tooth and nail on everything and, while I loved my mother, I did not like her and often felt that I hated her. She was very abusive.

I think I was born with a free spirit, anyway, but my upbringing certainly shaped me into NOT becoming a possession in my adult years. One good thing I can say about both men I married is that both of them encouraged me to have my space and do my own thing (they liked that I often traveled alone). I do not attract abusive men; either I can sense the ones who are, or they can sense that I won't put up with it.

I still have other baggage, though. It got better over the course of time but it's still there.
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Old 04-03-2016, 10:01 PM
 
3,424 posts, read 3,328,706 times
Reputation: 6171
I'm the "baby" of 3; my brother and sister both a few years older.
I was the apple of my mom's eye. She was a SAHM while dad worked. Unfortunately my mom passed away suddenly when I was 8 years old. That's when my world became a s***storm. My dad couldn't care for me because he worked; the State misdiagnosed me and I was placed in a boarding school away from home (both my siblings remained home). It was at that [boarding] school I was physically and emotionally abused by staff. No matter who I told - the social workers, administrators, - no one believed me! Years later, I wrote a book about my experiences. Long after I left that school and reached adulthood, it took years for me to forgive my dad...I still loved him, but it was only shortly before his death that I forgave him.

All these decades later, after my book was written and published, my siblings discovered that they were considered "normal", while I lived a ****ed up life way back when.
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