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"I've forgiven as much as it's humanely possible to forgive. How's that? I didn't realize that my alleged unforgiveness was the problem here, since I'm the one seeking to mingle."
"Because it's what's keeping you unhappy."
(there's one in every thread)
There ^^ it is.
I knew based on your other threads that replying to this post would have some risk involved. Your snark is always RIGHT THERE, even when people dare to share their personal experiences. It matters not.
Look in the mirror to figure this one out. Yes, the woman your brother married is a pain in the *ss, but you are no cuddly kitten.
So ... MOVE ON. Stop keeping track of her wrongs to you and FIND OTHER PEOPLE to make you feel loved. While you're at it, re-learn how to SHARE some of the love that you are hoping to get. Hint: It's supposed to be unconditional.
Go back and read through your posts in this thread and the replies you've gotten. Hopefully you will see how you are contributing to this situation.
I am a little bit like your sister-in-law because I didn't have proper training in being a part of a family and I'm a huge introvert. I also live thousands of miles from my only family and my husband's family lives in a foreign country all together (our poor sons....).
That said: you live in the same town! That would be a huge motivator for me to work out my issues. It would be very intimidating and difficult, but I wish I had the opportunity to live in the same community as family.
I think she's got issues that you can't reason with.
Oh lord.. I understand your plight. It definitely hurts when you are shunned or rejected for no apparent reason. I can identify with that. I have tried to be as friendly as I could to my inlaws since I've been married 4 years ago by calling them (in the beginning), attending functions etc. and trying to ignore all the different bouts of drama or nasty attitude that came toward my husband or myself. A couple members of the family have been fine towards me (they were from the beginning) But the rest of the clan, no such thing. At least you're dealing with just one antagonist, and not several individuals. But still, it sucks. I'm no more respected or accepted today then I was on the wedding day. It's sad, some people just make the choice to treat you wrongly, no matter what you do, EVEN when you don't deserve it. Try and be the higher person, cherish the fact that your brother and you are not estranged.
Well, apparently some posters on this thread have decided that I DO "deserve it," but anyway...
Thanks to those of you who can somewhat relate and commiserate; thanks also for the good advice.
As I said, I'm basically "stuck" here until I retire in just over a year, and my former social network has all kind of moved on. I was out of circulation for many years caregiving, and they thought I was crazy for doing it. I have joined back in on some things, but it's just not the same. Life never can be after caregiving and losing the person you love most in the world, but that's another thread for another day.
To some degree, I guess I feel like it's too big a task to take on (starting over) for just a year in this location. I do realize that the only option is to do something else that day, and I have, but it feels rather empty on what is, after all, supposed to be a day for celebrating family... Especially on FB.
Maybe all I DO want is sympathy, because it frankly makes me feel like weeping every holiday...
Last edited by otterhere; 03-28-2016 at 11:12 AM..
This may sound like a dumb idea, but perhaps it would work for you.
What if you just started to show up at your brother's house on each holiday, with a card and a cake (or something). And, say something like "Easter is for family. I love you brother, George. I love you sister, Mary and I want to spend the holiday with you" and have a big smile on your face. Would they physically slam the door in your face or invite you inside?
And, alternative is to invite them to your house but if they decline then show up at their house.
Play the lottery, hopefully win it and drive by daily in your new Roll Royce....Oh and give them the middle finger.
Nah, just kidding. Just accept it that they are @#$%^ and shall never change. But be a good soul and pray for them...God does do things for some reason.
"What if you just started to show up at your brother's house on each holiday, with a card and a cake (or something). And, say something like "Easter is for family. I love you brother, George. I love you sister, Mary and I want to spend the holiday with you" and have a big smile on your face."
Hahahaha! I love it; she would lay an egg...
Or just show up (which I sometimes do to visit with my brother) and say, "Oh... Is it Easter already?" hahahaha
This may sound like a dumb idea, but perhaps it would work for you.
What if you just started to show up at your brother's house on each holiday, with a card and a cake (or something). And, say something like "Easter is for family. I love you brother, George. I love you sister, Mary and I want to spend the holiday with you" and have a big smile on your face. Would they physically slam the door in your face or invite you inside?
And, alternative is to invite them to your house but if they decline then show up at their house.
Quote:
Originally Posted by otterhere
"What if you just started to show up at your brother's house on each holiday, with a card and a cake (or something). And, say something like "Easter is for family. I love you brother, George. I love you sister, Mary and I want to spend the holiday with you" and have a big smile on your face."
Hahahaha! I love it; she would lay an egg...
Or just show up (which I sometimes do to visit with my brother) and say, "Oh... Is it Easter already?" hahahaha
I am seriously NOT joking. Just do it. Don't wait for the next holiday. First invite them for Sunday dinner at your house, and it they decline with a flimsy excuse, just show up at their house.
Or just come to visit your brother. After all, the house is your brother's house, too.
Actually, it's not. They gave their jointly owned house to their daughter as a wedding gift. This house is HER house (formerly her mother's; inherited property/assets are not shared, legally speaking). When I do visit him, we sit on the front porch. I've been asked in only when the SIL isn't home. Perhaps I have body odor? This treatment makes me feel like it...
Actually, it's not. They gave their jointly owned house to their daughter as a wedding gift. This house is HER house (formerly her mother's; inherited property/assets are not shared, legally speaking). When I do visit him, we sit on the front porch. I've been asked in only when the SIL isn't home. Perhaps I have body odor? This treatment makes me feel like it...
Is your brother happy? Is there more to the story?
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I didn't realize that my alleged unforgiveness was the problem here, since I'm the one seeking to mingle."
I have joined back in on some things, but it's just not the same. Life never can be after caregiving and losing the person you love most in the world, but that's another thread for another day.
