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I am not particularly close with my mother in law. I do feel as if she likes me just I don't really like her she's quite toxic. Anyway she an my S/O have had arguments before and I stay impartial and try to calm them down. This time I did feel a way about it so I decided to not get involved so that my feeling don't come through. When she called I told her I was very busy and had her talk to my son. However, she has called back 9 times this weekend. I just haven't answered. Now she has started to call my mom. My mom won't answer anyway because she doesn't like her. I know she just wants to complain and rant and I really can't agree with her at all. We don't live far so I am expecting her to show up soon. How would you handle this without causing a family issue?
Whatever she says respond with "You must speak with your son about this issue", say nothing more or less.
Speaking as a mom and a mom in law... I totally agree but by not answering the phone when she calls or putting your son on the phone you're giving her the message that you're angry with her. I think you should at least answer when she calls and then tell her to speak to her son if she brings it up.
Or just text her and tell her this is between her and her son. I would also not answer the phone. It will be too hard to get off the phone. When you finally see her in person, just tell her that you're not going to get involved in their spats anymore, that it's wearing you out. She'll probably keep trying to get you to engage, so just keep repeating yourself. It's called the broken record technique. Just figure out what your mantra will be and keep repeating it. "Mom, you guys are wearing me out. I'm just not going to get involved in your spats anymore, and I don't even want to hear about it. You guys work it out."
I am not particularly close with my mother in law. I do feel as if she likes me just I don't really like her she's quite toxic. Anyway she an my S/O have had arguments before and I stay impartial and try to calm them down. This time I did feel a way about it so I decided to not get involved so that my feeling don't come through. When she called I told her I was very busy and had her talk to my son. However, she has called back 9 times this weekend. I just haven't answered. Now she has started to call my mom. My mom won't answer anyway because she doesn't like her. I know she just wants to complain and rant and I really can't agree with her at all. We don't live far so I am expecting her to show up soon. How would you handle this without causing a family issue?
How do you know that she just "wants to complain and rant"?
What if she is calling to set up a surprise birthday party for son or something like that?
Has your husband called his mother to talk to her and find out why she is calling so much?
How do you know that she just "wants to complain and rant"?
What if she is calling to set up a surprise birthday party for son or something like that?
Has your husband called his mother to talk to her and find out why she is calling so much?
Because my sister in law said she has been ranting all weekend. The argument got pretty bad and this time he let out years of hostility. His siblings have all said the same things but no one to her face.
His birthday passed and if she's having a dinner or event she usually just text me. If she's calling its to complain about someone its always about someone.
Your MIL wants to involve you in her drama. Stay out of it. Refuse to talk about her issues. Tell her to quit calling your family members. You should be able to tell that it is she by caller I.D. When she calls let the call go to voice mail. Don't respond.
Tell your SO that he has to handle this. You don't want to be involved in this mess.
If he allows himself to be sucked in, and doesn't take measures to stop her craziness, then perhaps you and he should not try to move forward in your relationship. If you marry your SO, you are acquiring a drama queen in your family, and that will affect your life negatively for a long time.
calling someone 9 times in one weekend is NUTSO. Does she have a mental illness? Why can't you ask her not to call you 9 times "next time" she wants to talk. Why can't you SO talk to her and ask her not to do that.
If anybody ever called me 9 times I would have a serious problem with that person. Get your own number and don't give it to her. And have her call your SO's number to "talk".
calling someone 9 times in one weekend is NUTSO. Does she have a mental illness? Why can't you ask her not to call you 9 times "next time" she wants to talk. Why can't you SO talk to her and ask her not to do that.
If anybody ever called me 9 times I would have a serious problem with that person. Get your own number and don't give it to her. And have her call your SO's number to "talk".
I am going to block her number. She is NUTSO. She did something very spiteful to SO and he brought up his childhood and abusive past her drug addiction and multiple affair she has had on his father. She has cancer and he was the only one helping her beside his dad (taking her to chemo, giving her money, cleaning her home, running errands for her). The rest of his siblings won't help her with anything. Theres been times when we had to pack her in our car when its full because none of them would drive her home. Even though most of us live in the same borough (nyc). I guess he was so hurt he exploded (I have never seen him in the 9 years I have know him explode this bad).
So she wont call him.
I know she's crazy but this is her second time with cancer and I know she's dying so I put up with her b.s but this is out of control. Especially with harassing my mother. However, my son loves this crazy women she sends him something every week (either a 1lb bag or chocolate or a toy) and face times him on his ipad. So it don't want to damage the relationship beyond repair.Probably won't be here next year.
How rationally is a dying woman supposed to behave?
Tell your SO and his siblings to suck it up and make what time she has left less accusatory and more conciliatory. Regardless of what went on years ago, you've had a recent relationship with her, since your son is attached to her. So chalk up the latest spat to her cancer or meds, and be kind.
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