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Something to note though is all these people saying they don't care about having friends because they have kids and friends are for single people who go out and party, in 20 years, you're going to be awfully lonely when the kids are out of the house....then what do you do? I guess you still have your other parent friends and you can talk about your adult kids?
1. Spend time with spouse
2. Spend time with adult kids
3. Spend time with other relatives
Neither of my parents have friends that they hang out with regularly. My mom is a very friendly person and she has been disappointed many times by people who she thought were her friends. Seeing how things have turned out with her so-called friends is part of the reason why I don't even bother trying to be close friends with people. I think it's more important to have family that you can rely on and if you don't have that, all you really have is yourself.
well, this "friend" I know has 3 kids. The house was infested with roaches...probably still is. I don't go anymore. It smells.I ate there once with them. I got violently sick the next day. The kids had their fingers everywhere and in all the food on the table. I was disgusted.Forced myself to eat. That's why I got sick.Another time, twice, I developed some rash on my right had that started to spread to the left. The right had was on the table edge for a while, as was the left.I suffered for a week. I don't know what cleaning agent or germs was there. But never again.
If they invite people over they need to clean. That's the bottom line. Or meet in public if they're that lazy. The house had 3 able bodied adults. They were pigs.
I suspect your roachie friends are nasty and roachie whether or not they have children.
If they invite people over they need to clean. That's the bottom line. Or meet in public if they're that lazy. The house had 3 able bodied adults. They were pigs.
Well, your friends were pigs because they were pigs. Has nothing to do with them being parents (except the obvious unfortunate reality that the kids will grow up in their filth). I mean, sure, kids make messes, but not filth (for ex: right now on my couch is a load of laundry waiting to be folded, notebooks stacked on the end table, toys on the floor...but none of that is filth).
But you didn't mind that these people were pigs before they had kids?
1. Spend time with spouse
2. Spend time with adult kids
3. Spend time with other relatives
Neither of my parents have friends that they hang out with regularly. My mom is a very friendly person and she has been disappointed many times by people who she thought were her friends. Seeing how things have turned out with her so-called friends is part of the reason why I don't even bother trying to be close friends with people. I think it's more important to have family that you can rely on and if you don't have that, all you really have is yourself.
That's how I am...I've had so many friends over the years that ended up just using me or disappointing me in some way or another. My husband is my best friend and we do everything together. It's hard to need other friends.
Don't you get tired of hearing about motherhood, fatherhood, children?? all the conversations revolve around that. Nobody asks how you're doing, what you're up to, etc. You're just here to listen to them whine about their "hard life" and brag. You're the free shrink to them. That's all they do. None of them do anything else. When is the last time any of them read a book or a magazine? Last time they saw a great movie? Last time they went anywhere that had nothing to do with young children? Can any of them even have an intelligent conversation? Seriously? When they do finally get together with you- they're exhausted..they drone on and on about insipid shyte. You spend an hour with them and you're drained. These "friends" suck the life out of you.
LET THEM GO. Enjoy your life and live it your way.They just use you to whine, to brag and oh yes...to take a break from their kids.
I have children, ages 7 and 9, and I love this post. For awhile I thought I was destined to be child-free, that was what I wanted. In fact, I love our children very much, but here's the thing--I love and value my OWN life as well, and I make friendships with people a priority. I don't make excuses for being "busy," and I try to find other things to talk about once in a while. Also, if my wife and I want to do something but it's something the kids don't like, the kids are told to "suck it up" and deal with it and to stop being selfish. They may even be spanked if they protest enough.
It is true somewhat that child-free vs parenting people can be a weird mix, but only because they LET it be. You have child-free people who think their friends should be able to bar-hop and do "spontaneous" things as if the children didn't even exist (or as if a bar was a good place for children to be), but you also have the other extreme with parents who make their ENTIRE LIFE about their children and don't prioritize doing other things once in awhile and maintaining a sense of their own identity. They think being a good parent means totally smashing your own life to bits and pieces while doing EVERYTHING for the children. Nonsense. Adults need time in the gym or with their friends every bit as much as children "need" after-school activities like soccer, baseball etc.
What we've done is that we don't just do things the kids like, we do a fair amount of what WE like and the kids can find something about THAT which they like, or they can be miserable, but I'm not turning off my needs and wants for 18 years. A few nights ago we watched a movie in a theater and the children came with us. The movie wasn't rated R, but it definitely was not a movie a typical child would enjoy either. Our 7 year old son very visibly was bored, when he started acting restless I said to him "if you don't stop squirming and keep your butt in the seat your butt is going to end up very sore." We watch enough cartoons, they can bare with us through one movie every now and then.
I still keep up with friends either in person, in email, or by phone. Of course my wife and children are first over them, but they matter too. I can call and talk to them and joke around and "talk shop" about a LOT of things where the children don't even come up in conversation. I can talk on the phone and the kids know to NOT INTERRUPT ME unless the house is on fire. To me, a "balanced" life that way is much more healthy than making everything about the kids. I still need to take care of my own appearance, being halfway fit (yesterday I swam so much I can barely pick up my arms to reach for something), keeping in touch with people I've known for years, enjoying a basketball game during "March madness" etc. The kids know how to entertain themselves, I was sending them outside to play when they were 2 and 4 years old, sometimes they were out there for 1½-2 hours before I'd check on them, they didn't need to be their entertainment that entire time.
Short answer--kids or no, if people CARE about their friends, they'll make SOME time for them as best they can. If they don't, they're not "busy," they just don't care. "My life is too busy," please. Spare me.
thanks for the responses. seems like there's a few more things i could try though to see her more often.
at the same time it's nice to know that it's normal for friendships to fade once kids are involved. i guess i have this feeling of "it's all my fault" if the friendship fades. i dont know why i feel that way. so at least if it DOES fade i can at least know that it wasn't my fault and it may just be a natural thing.
but i definitely think it depends on the person. my other close girlfriend has a close friend who has an 8 month old and they see each other ALL THE TIME. i think that's part of the reason i felt like i was doing something wrong. i saw my other friend keeping in touch so easily with her friend who has kid so why am i having a hard time? but i think my friend is a lot more consumed with motherhood and doesn't want to spend a second away from her kids. which is totally understandable, i just need to learn to not take it personally i guess.
anyways, it's so hard for me to meet new people b/c i'm on the shy/quiet side, but i guess it's time to put myself out there and try to make some new friends... at 28 lol.
thanks for the responses. seems like there's a few more things i could try though to see her more often.
at the same time it's nice to know that it's normal for friendships to fade once kids are involved. i guess i have this feeling of "it's all my fault" if the friendship fades. i dont know why i feel that way. so at least if it DOES fade i can at least know that it wasn't my fault and it may just be a natural thing.
but i definitely think it depends on the person. my other close girlfriend has a close friend who has an 8 month old and they see each other ALL THE TIME. i think that's part of the reason i felt like i was doing something wrong. i saw my other friend keeping in touch so easily with her friend who has kid so why am i having a hard time? but i think my friend is a lot more consumed with motherhood and doesn't want to spend a second away from her kids. which is totally understandable, i just need to learn to not take it personally i guess.
anyways, it's so hard for me to meet new people b/c i'm on the shy/quiet side, but i guess it's time to put myself out there and try to make some new friends... at 28 lol.
There's a huge difference between having an 8 month old and having a 3 year old and a 3 month old baby. If the baby doesn't need you the 3 year old does and vice versa. There's also a difference between having a toddler and being pregnant with another one. I'm sure your friend is exhausted. Think about it like this...what if you had to work night and day on a project at work. You aren't getting a lot of sleep or time to eat because the project has a strict deadline and you have to meet it. That is what having young kids is like the first few years. It gets better as they get older and you aren't as tired and you have more free time.
There's a huge difference between having an 8 month old and having a 3 year old and a 3 month old baby. If the baby doesn't need you the 3 year old does and vice versa. There's also a difference between having a toddler and being pregnant with another one. I'm sure your friend is exhausted. Think about it like this...what if you had to work night and day on a project at work. You aren't getting a lot of sleep or time to eat because the project has a strict deadline and you have to meet it. That is what having young kids is like the first few years. It gets better as they get older and you aren't as tired and you have more free time.
There's a huge difference between having an 8 month old and having a 3 year old and a 3 month old baby. If the baby doesn't need you the 3 year old does and vice versa. There's also a difference between having a toddler and being pregnant with another one. I'm sure your friend is exhausted. Think about it like this...what if you had to work night and day on a project at work. You aren't getting a lot of sleep or time to eat because the project has a strict deadline and you have to meet it. That is what having young kids is like the first few years. It gets better as they get older and you aren't as tired and you have more free time.
Word.
Toddler plus baby = good luck getting in a shower.
I'm a cynical person so I think it's best not to be dependent on people for friendship since their family (spouse, children) will always come before you (as they should). I would hope that your true friends would still try to keep in contact in some way, but many people aren't real friends and just associate with you as long as it's convenient for them. I have acquaintances with children who I talk to every now and then, but I expect nothing out of them since we have no obligations to each other and I don't rely on them to socialize with me.
Sadly, this is very true. The OP was never very clear as to the last time they saw this friend, they said they have been trying to set something up for the last 2 or 3 years.
If that is the real time frame, than move on. This "friend" has no interest in seeing them. If they were they would make the time. Her husband could watch the kids on a Saturday. Or she could have just invited the OP over for the day.
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