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I just believe, in general, that talking about one's medical issues is extremely personal topic and not a topic for general small talk. To me, medical issues are right up there under "private" with sex life, religion, politics, etc. It's stuff I do not care to share with people I am not close to, and stuff I'm uncomfortable hearing about from people I don't know well. Talking about one's health is the verbal version of pulling down your pants and exposing yourself. I know, I'm probably at an extreme with that, but I can't be the only one. My body is private, and you should keep yours private too. But back to my point...
I know people with life threatening cancer or really bad chronic illness who don't talk about their health nearly as much as people with seasonal allergies. Somehow they just enjoy talking about them.
When I was a vault teller, one of our customers was a Jesuit priest who used to bring in the church's deposit. One day just out of the blue, he starting talking about his prostate problems. I don't know why on earth he thought we'd be interested in hearing about that, but I have to admit, he treated it like a totally normal I-have-this-conversation-every-day-in-polite-company tone of voice, so we just listened and made no comment. I was pretty naive at the time and didn't even know what a prostate was. Cue the laughter as my older co-worker tried to explain it to me.
I don't have THAT many people just randomly tell me my medical issues (really, guys?) but if something gets out of hand and I'm not comfortable, I say, "I'm sorry, I'm not comfortable with this conversation" or "this is out of my league," smile, and change the subject. I was under the impression that was what grown-ups do.
I don't know why a given person would want to share that information. I don't know if she's in a literal panic over it and desperate for someone to listen...or if she doesn't know what boundaries are...or if she has dementia...or is self-centered...or what. I don't know about her but I do know about me, and my limits, and I can place my own boundaries with one sentence.
On the flip side, if you want a man to leave the room IMMEDIATELY just bring up Auntie Flow.
Ex: Man walks in. You say "So her period didn't stop for WEEKS!" (Man exits now.) It's kind of fun to see how fast they can do an about-face!
Body emissions or talking about them is not polite. I'm not overly offended by off color remarks, but it burns me when people swear loudly in a crowd with kids around and even ladies.
But topics of conversation? How about that Thanksgiving when we all took turns and the neighbor's brother said he was thankful he didn't have crabs anymore. Memorable at best.
I never understood in The Sound of Music when Capt VT remarked about Maria's talking giving them indigestion until I realized some conversation can truly ruin a meal.
Have you noticed those people who make small talk about something you'd really rather not hear about?
We've had lots of threads on inane, pointless small talk; that's not what I'm taking about here. What I mean is the people who decide to make small talk about something that's not neutral or benign (like the weather or a TV show) but something really off-putting.
This morning, two unrelated people at work decide to chat about their snot. There's something about people who have "allergies"--they always feel the need to talk about their allergies. This isn't just the stereotypical old person who makes health complaints as a hobby. These are people in their 20s, 30, 40s, who talk all the time about how their allergies are acting up. If I have to hear the term "post nasal drip" in the workplace one more time, I'm going to scream.
I don't have allergies, but even if I did, I would certainly not share my mucus-filled experiences with others, especially with people I really don't know, or only know professionally.
How did they go through the thought process to decide this was an appropriate topic of conversation? How do they decide that this is an appropriate ice-breaker in the coffee room with someone they hardly know?
The first time I noticed this was when I went away to college at 18 and discovered that way too many young women my age liked to talk about their menstrual cycles. This wasn't something we did in my family or among my peers in high school. But it was like, "Hey, how ya doing, nice weather, how was class, I have my period today...." Um, okay, thanks for that info. I even hear it today--people in the workplace talking about menstrual cramps, etc, not with their close girlfriends, but with co-workers they hardly know.
To me, it might fall under over-sharing or over-disclosing that we've talking about before, but it seems to be a sub-category: over-disclosing, not in an actual conversation, but in passing small-talk.
Do you know people who make small talk/ chit-chat about weird or disgusting things that should really not be a topic of conversation?
I worked with some middle aged women who talked about menopause at least three times a week. These were th blame people who would likely have a fit if a guy mentioned any problem.
Try to find a topic that's arcane and scan the news. Then, when someone wants to make small talk about an inappropriate topic, start talking about nonsensical things but with enough intelligent sounding, loosely related phrases put together to throw the inappropriate small talker off.
You can say things like, "Soooo, do you think that the Fed minutes will be released at an opportune time for you to index your gains?", "How do you think the next presidential election is going to affect your capital gains situation?", "Do you believe the tariffs will affect blackberry consumption in Alaska? I'm totally against the tariffs on moral grounds!!" This assumes they don't work in the economics field or are a blackberry farmer.
This will either throw the person off into such confusion they will forget what they were talking about, or (less likely) they'll get the hint and be quiet. You might be seen as a little odd, but you'll also probably avoid having to deal with their nonsensical small talk, so problem solved!
Love it Jowel! Years ago (I know I sound like a dinosaur but I'm not collecting Social Security yet) people were taught never to discuss politics, religion or bodily functions with strangers. Now it seems anything goes. I do not want to hear about anybody's post nasal drip, snot or especially phlegm. Even the word phlegm makes me want to throw up.
But get a bunch of women together and talk about somebody's new baby and you will be subjected to everybody's birth stories: who was in labor for 10 days, who had the longest episiotomy, who bled for 2 months after childbirth.....
And men with their sports - good grief people talk about the damn weather! :-)
Try to find a topic that's arcane and scan the news. Then, when someone wants to make small talk about an inappropriate topic, start talking about nonsensical things but with enough intelligent sounding, loosely related phrases put together to throw the inappropriate small talker off.
You can say things like, "Soooo, do you think that the Fed minutes will be released at an opportune time for you to index your gains?", "How do you think the next presidential election is going to affect your capital gains situation?", "Do you believe the tariffs will affect blackberry consumption in Alaska? I'm totally against the tariffs on moral grounds!!" This assumes they don't work in the economics field or are a blackberry farmer.
This will either throw the person off into such confusion they will forget what they were talking about, or (less likely) they'll get the hint and be quiet. You might be seen as a little odd, but you'll also probably avoid having to deal with their nonsensical small talk, so problem solved!
This was cute and funny.
But I mean wouldn't a smile and "I don't feel comfortable discussing that" suffice?
Same result, less combing obscure news pieces.
Why "trick" someone into not offending you/crossing your personal comfort level? As adults, how about just stating the issue politely and then moving the subject on? Is that too crazy?
If it is something I don't want to talk about I just put my hands up and say "that is a little uncomfortable for me" or "TMI alert, something I don't need to know". I just don't put up with it.
I handle those things by VERY short commiseration and an abrupt change of topic. Keep on with the new topic no matter how much they try to turn it back. For example:
Blabby Betty: "I swear I was in labor for 32 hours, I was sweating like a pig and hadn't taken a bath the day before. I'm sure I smelled like the bottom of a garbage can".
Me: "That sounds awful. Have you seen the new movie about UFO's? It's supposed to be really scary".
Betty: "Thank god the birth video wasn't smell-o-vision. I thought my husband was gonna puke."
Me: "So the movie is in 3D and has that thing where your chair moves with the action. I think they call it 4D, or something. The special effects are supposed to be awesome!"
At some point they just go with the flow and jump into the new topic, or they get the hint that I'm not going with their topic of conversation. If not, "Oh my goodness, look at the time! Gotta go change the air in my tires!"
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