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She sounds like a narcissist. I don't think I would invest too much in a relationship with her.
Does she do anything to help you with your mom?
She has started bringing meals over. I'm a simple cook, sandwiches are fine for me, but my sister is a gourmet cook. I don't have the time or money for that. She does bring over a few delicious meals each week which helps out a lot.
Even siblings sometimes you need to stop putting efforts on them. Just stop inviting her for dinners,be distant for some time, I know it is easy to say it but some times you need to treat the people as they treat you. At that point some people would understand some people not. let her to feel that you are doing well and living well with her or without her. Take care about your mother with good heart and with love that results you may earn some day OP.
Lets change the scenario a tad and say that your sister is your best friend. You two are connected at he hip and do everything together. You miss her if you don't see her every day.
Let's say your bestie walks two feet in front of you because she's hiper and has a lot of energy. Do you feel she's being disrespectful or do you just accept her quirkiness as being part of the person you adore?
Let's say that same bestie hates small talk over coffee and wants to do something a little more fun. You are taking forever and she's bored to tears. As a way to encourage you without being totally rude and saying something hurtful to your face she does something a little more passive aggressive and just gets up.
Do you make a mountain out of a mole hill and jeopardize losing the best friend you ever had or do you over look the small things in favor of the other really great times you have together?
There are people in our life that can get away with murder simply because they are so important to us. There are people in our life that make one tiny error and are thrown away like yesterdays garbage because they just aren't worth the effort to us. For whatever reason deserving or not.
Your relationship with your sister has not been the unconditional I love you no matter what relationship. It sounds like it's closer to the I can do with out you but since you're my sister I feel like I shouldn't dismiss you(?)
So the problem lies with your being able to let go of some of the issues that you don't like about her. Are you trying to preserve a relationship with her simply because she's your sister? Or do you genuinely love her and want her in your life?
You said you loved her, but is it out of obligation because she's family?
If it's the latter then I suggest that you not try so hard to be besties for now and work on the issues you have dealing with her that seems to keep her at arms length. Less may be more in this instance. Take the good times that seem to be few and far between and walk away from the bad times.
If you had indeed wanted to sit and drink more coffee after dinner then I would have told her to go on ahead and I'd catch up with her later. You get what you want, she gets what she wants and neither of you are forced into the mold you seem to be trying to create for each other.
Trying to relate to someone you don't understand creates frustration and a handicap that is not easily over come. Don't ask me to have alcoholics in my life. I simply can't relate to that mentality. I'm severely handicapped with them and it's a disaster.
You want a relationship with your sister and you have a hard time relating. Yes it will be tricky. Is it worth it to you to try and change the way you deal with her?
Lately I've been taking care of my sick Mom, and none of my other siblings (sister included) have helped. Yes, I have asked but they are "too busy".
...
If I try to vent about my Mom, she rolls her eyes like I am being dramatic.
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We shared an entre so that I could eat healthy like her.
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she gets up from the table and starts to leave the restaurant.
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she just walks out and is walking 20 feet ahead of me.
Your sister is a narcissistic assclown. Saying something to her won't change anything. I would just limit contact from now on and stop the dinners. It sounds to me like she lords her "healthy eating" over you like a vegetarian sometimes will. Either she loves you for you, or she doesn't.
And her obsession with her looks is far from healthy. You shouldn't be looking up to her at all. Screw her.
Lets change the scenario a tad and say that your sister is your best friend. You two are connected at he hip and do everything together. You miss her if you don't see her every day.
Let's say your bestie walks two feet in front of you because she's hiper and has a lot of energy. Do you feel she's being disrespectful or do you just accept her quirkiness as being part of the person you adore?
Let's say that same bestie hates small talk over coffee and wants to do something a little more fun. You are taking forever and she's bored to tears. As a way to encourage you without being totally rude and saying something hurtful to your face she does something a little more passive aggressive and just gets up.
You want a relationship with your sister and you have a hard time relating. Yes it will be tricky. Is it worth it to you to try and change the way you deal with her?
She sounds like a narcissist. I don't think I would invest too much in a relationship with her.
Does she do anything to help you with your mom?
^^^ She seems very self absorbed. It sounds like she really doesn't care much at all about you and enjoys feeling younger and superior. Yes, she did "dis" you.
You probably won't be able to depend on her for help or even understanding in caring for your mom. Are there any other family members or community resources that could help? Or could your mom afford to pay for some help?
She has started bringing meals over. I'm a simple cook, sandwiches are fine for me, but my sister is a gourmet cook. I don't have the time or money for that. She does bring over a few delicious meals each week which helps out a lot.
This part interests me. Is she bringing healthy, low-fat meals over, or is she trying to keep you heavier than she is so she can look all the better in comparison?
. She said yes so we have been meeting about once a month for dinner.
Any advice would be appreciated.
It sounds to me like she only went out to dinner with you out of a sense of obligation (meeting once a month for dinner)...not because she wanted too or would enjoy herself.
Too bad.....Your mom's lucky she's got at least one of you who cares enough to help her...for that you should be praised.
I can't see how saying anything about it will help your cause though...sounds like she's already got her mind made up what she wants to contribute towards moms care..........nothing...........sorry.
Your moms very fortunate to have you in her life...and by the sounds of it (her having to do nothing but look beautiful and you'll love her for it) so is your sister.
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