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I'm an extrovert. But I despise work events. I wouldn't go. MAYBE I would go out of respect, but leave early if it was absolutely necessary. Like something the boss arranged or supervisor. But a coworker? NO.
It sounds like the coworker is being controlling by passively threatening you. I personally would not go specifically because of the way the coworker put it to me. But that's me. I really REALLY don't like passive aggressive people at work who try to get me to play to their tune by being "clannish" and exclusive like that. He's like "join our club" or you won't last. So, what is he going to do next put you on some scheit list and do everything to make your life miserable if you don't go? Make up some "serious sounding" excuse if you really don't want to go.
The last time I went to an after work get together was when my supervisor at work turned 50. I only went just because everyone was going, if it were a smaller turn out I'd probably would have been "busy" with something or other. It wasn't even after work, it was on a damn Saturday night, my weekends are precious to me. I showed up stayed a decent amount of time and boned out.
The last time I went to an after work get together was when my supervisor at work turned 50. I only went just because everyone was going, if it were a smaller turn out I'd probably would have been "busy" with something or other. It wasn't even after work, it was on a damn Saturday night, my weekends are precious to me. I showed up stayed a decent amount of time and boned out.
Yea like I could see myself doing that. It was for the boss.
But another smug and snooty coworker telling me to "fit in or you're out" type of talk, no.
What are we at Harvard in the 50s? Alpha Phi Beta ...whatever...
NO.
I don't attend most out-of-office others set up. Most of my coworkers think I'm standoffish. Honestly, I don't really care. These days, you have to change companies to move up or make more money anyway, so your coworker's threat does not hold water.
I'm retired, but I often didn't attend things that other people set up in my office, but I wondered if I should have. One time they all went to a Yankees game. I am not a big sports fan, and it would have meant being stuck on a long train ride late at night to get back home, so I declined. They all talked about what a great time they had.
A couple of years later they did it again, only it was a Mets game. I decided to go because two other people would have to travel all the way back to Jersey from Queens by train, and they said we could all go together. I am glad I did, and it turned out to be a good game. So, sometimes, it's worth taking a chance when you don't feel like doing something because you might end up having fun.
I would think "how lucky they missed this stupid party/event/whatever!!!"
I don't like get togethers anyway. Co-workers make it even worse as I'm never 100% friends with all of them.
I've had one job recently where they liked to do stuff like that. I got out of it as much as possible. Thankfully, being part time, it wasn't that hard. But every once in awhile the big boss said we "had" to be there. Worst nights ever. Yep, force me to do go to something I don't even like to do and socialize with people I don't know. Best time was when we went to a place in the dead of winter that had minimal parking due to excessive snowfall. Took me 20 mins to find a space to park, then walk to the damn venue. Such fun
I'm close friends with the coworker who advised me to go. He was not invited, although this is true of most (if not all) of the men in my group. But, he's been there considerably longer than I have and knows the ins/outs of that place much better than I do.
I'm confident he won't share what I told him with anyone. He's quiet, and honestly, I know it's not his style. He's proven himself trustworthy in the past.
I'm not friends with any of my coworkers except the coworker I mentioned above. But we are work friends alone, as he's married with kids. We have a lot in common so we chit chat a lot about nonwork stuff. He's a loner much like me.
Anyhow, when I started working there, I immediately got a sense of the cliques and subcliques that exist. I don't do cliques..never have, and never will. So, I've kept a cordial distance and don't get involved.
Part of me feels as though I was invited with the expectation that I would not go...But, it doesn't matter.
I hang out and talk to my coworkers out of work. One of them is now one of my best friends. It's a small staff, I couldn't imagine if we weren't close.
But I am really private and it took me awhile to get to this point. I was lucky though, I love my coworkers. I remember the firs time we all went out for drinks after work I almost didn't go..I was new and quiet. I went though and very glad I did.
But everybody is different. Some people don't like to mix work with their non-work life. If I worked with a bigger group, I don't think I would join in. You eventually find "your people" and as long as you are nice/easy to work with, people wont care what you do out of work
Been on jobs my co workers and I were actually good friends outside of work, did lots of things off the job. That was a very small company, and there was no work related motive involved. My last job, I was with a large dept, in a large company, and just about everyone but me would go to the bosses house for football parties and such, and it was just butt kissing in a wrapper.
My advice to you would be, don't go if you don't want to. Waste of your time.
My coworker, a pretty private person, too, who also disliked our manager (a good gal, actually), tried to decline a Christmas invitation once. The manager went amok accusing her of not being loyal and grateful to the company, the girl was showing fingers (not in manager's face, but still, the situation was pretty heated). I quietly talked the girl into going. She had fun, enjoyed a stay in the hotel (paid by the company) and the issue was resolved. This is not mixing your private and work life. It's just an unpaid overtime. Like paying for decent clothes or for gas for your car. Why it's necessary to make a fuss about such a petty thing as spending a couple of extra hours once in a while at work? Maybe people will open to you from better sides.
It's entirely possible to be a private person and still go to functions like the one the OP described. In fact, let's just call ongoing snubbing of colleagues antisocial and be done with it.
Sure, you are under no obligation to go socialize with people after work. Hey, I'm not exactly the kind of person who would go drinking with my colleagues after hours, and I certainly didn't reveal my inner secrets to them either.
At the same time, if you get asked by a co-working to come for a small dinner party or similar occasion, how hard is it really to just make the attempt? I mean, unless you work with total a-holes, then recognize that the person was thoughtful enough to extend an invitation to you. I mean, I guess you could think up enough ridiculous excuses to not go. But if you think they don't know you're just dodging the occasion, then you're fooling yourself.
What's more, people do business with people. While you certainly don't have to be the back-slapping, lampshade-wearing, karaoke-singing kind, it never hurts to get to know your co-workers after hours, even if it's an hour of chitchat at a party. And for those socially underdeveloped who think small talk is somehow trivial, you couldn't be more wrong. It's really the opening phases of trying to get to know someone better. And that means you could learn more about the people you work with. It has benefits both socially and professionally.
So go, even if for an hour. It's not "playing the game" (A phrase that says a great deal about the people who use it). It's just recognizing that the people you spend eight hours a day with are people with dimension to them, not automatons. The person who invited you will appreciate that you made the effort. And the better people identify with you as a person, the more you'll be a trusted colleague at the office.
Depends on the people. Depends on the event. But I've also worked at places where everyone heads to happy hour right after work on a Friday.
My husband's job will do fun things. He goes. He has never had a bad time.
OP, I don't have a lot in common with my much older, sometimes very religious co-workers (who also have children) either but we still get along pretty well and we can always find something to talk about after awhile. Signed, another introvert.
Ive been in the corporate world for 6 years now. Networking is everything. Go ahead and skip these necessary evils of events if you want, but I promise you that it WILL impact your prospects down the road. Complain all you want but that is the working world as we have it.
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others set up. Most of my coworkers think I'm standoffish. Honestly, I don't really care. These days, you have to change companies to move up or make more money anyway, so your coworker's threat does not hold water.
