Court of Public Opinion...PLEASE JUDGE... (wife, person, member, cousins)
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On a whim, I decided on Saturday morning to reach out to a friend for a very casual meet-up. I was going to go to this place alone, but thought it would be nice to have my friend along with me to catch up. She said she'd like to go.
We both had errands to run that morning, and decided to connect that afternoon to nail down a time to meet up. As we discussed, I reached out to her in the afternoon, via text. The texts went exactly like this:
ME: Hey, how about 6:30?
FRIEND: Still in Louisville.
ME: Okay
I knew that she'd be running errands in Louisville (about 15 minutes away), so I thought that I caught her while she was still in the throws of errand running, and that she'd reach out whenever she could...I went about my day.
My friend didn't reach back out until late that night (too late for us to meet up), saying that she'd gotten caught up doing other things (none of which were an emergency, and NONE of which would have prevented taking 15 seconds to text that she would not be able to meet after all).
I told her that I thought it would have been nice for her to let me know her plans had changed...that I would have gone on by myself if I knew she wasn't able to make it after all. She responded "Well, I thought my text to you would have given you a clue that I wasn't coming".......HUH??? How does her verbatim text up above indicate that she was cancelling plans?
She then said "YOU should have followed up with ME, if you didn't know if I was coming or not." AGAIN....HUH?? Shouldn't the person that changes the plans, be the one to communicate that PLANS HAVE CHANGED?
After that I was super frustrated and basically told her that I didn't have time for 'CLUES' and 21 follow-up questions. She then told me that MY COMMUNICATION in this scenario sucked...and that if I wasn't sure where the plans stood, I should have reached out to her instead of waiting around.
I didn't really care that our plans got cancelled, again - it was totally casual and nothing major, but her nonchalant, dismissive attitude really has rubbed me the wrong way.
Anyway, would like your thoughts, as sometimes outsiders can judge a situation better than the "insiders". Was I in the wrong? Was she in the wrong? Did we both poorly communicate? Genuinely interested in your thoughts on this one.
You reached out to her but didnt say " lets meet at 6pm at McDonalds" so neither of you can be mad at the other. Neither of you reached out to make sure the plans were still happening or hammer out details...again cant be mad at each other.
Of course, when she said "Still in Louisville," you could have asked "So what's your time frame for meeting up?" Still, I think she was in the wrong with not getting back to you and not being clear, and then doubly wrong for trying to blame you. A real friendship is about mutuality, not sharply delineated responsibility. A friend wants to be courteous and considerate. So, personally, that isn't someone I would reach out to again.
However, I have to add that this is a classic problem with people who rely on texting. And also about being haphazard about pinning things down, at least a little bit. Texting seems to lend itself to situations where things fall between the cracks.
Ugh. I hate flakes. She agreed to meet you, and when you proposed a time, should have told you whether or not that time would work. However, after she said where she was, I probably would have asked for her to give me a time to meet, or if she'd rather save it for another day. So you kinda both suck at communicating, but she sucks more.
Ugh. I hate flakes. She agreed to meet you, and when you proposed a time, should have told you whether or not that time would work. However, after she said where she was, I probably would have asked for her to give me a time to meet, or if she'd rather save it for another day. So you kinda both suck at communicating, but she sucks more.
Two words: phone call. Once to sound out your plans with your friend, again when she didn't show up within fifteen or so minutes of the designated time.
Texting may work well in some instances, but I have recently experienced major communication dysfunction involving the death of a relative, when it was assumed that extended out-of-town family had all been notified by text. Nope, at least three first cousins, a niece, and two nephews knew nothing about his illness until the day before his death, and then only because one of them had received an email from his wife making reference to the accident four or five days previously which precipitated his death the following day. Quite a shock to find out that way, and to feel left out or overlooked during a sad time for everyone. All of these family members were over 60, and few of them text regularly. Once one of them found out, they immediately called the others, who were also unaware of the situation.
I don't text except under duress, and encourage others to find and use other ways of communicating with me: email, phone calls, voice mail, even the post office or a note left at my house or on my car. Just too many misunderstandings can occur with texting, and your story is a prime example of this.
75% blame on her, with you picking up the remaining 25%.
The fact that Louisville was only fifteen minutes away led you to believe that the plans still had a likelihood of being realized. However, she did state that she was still involved with other matters, but that should not have prevented her from providing more clarity and also getting back to you with a timely update before much later that evening. Case dismissed.
LOL. You guys are funny -- exactly the feedback I was looking for. Thanks for your opinions.
I agree about texting -- lots of opportunity for miscommunication. I can communicate with some friends with 100% clarity via text, and others not so much!
She then said "YOU should have followed up with ME, if you didn't know if I was coming or not."
I agree with this ^^^.
You made the plans, and you should have clarified with more than "okay" instead of assuming anything.
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