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There is no easy, fast way to make the changes that you need to make. Your mother won't be happy about it and won't cooperate. She is self centered and controlling, and it has crippled you and robbed you of a fulfilling adult life. You'll just have to decide if you are up to it or not. Family members like that are experts at getting their own way and diminishing you to misery, never admitting to a thing & always blaming you. Best Wishes to you whatever path you decide to take.
Keep you dirty clothes in a hamper elsewhere. Behavior mod...Put those cheap alarms on yours and your daughters doors...up high so she can't reach them. This will stop her.
Take her and routinely drop her at your local senior center.....she can engage in activities...and/or volunteer. It will enhance all of your lives.
You have allowed this for years (living together)...so there are obviously mutual benefits. We should all care for our seniors. Good luck and please update.
i am sorry OP that you are in this situation. You sound like a very kind person, with a strong sense of family duty, who is trying to help your mother.
this is out of left field, but i know one person in a similar situation and they tried this and it worked. he told the parent living in his house that he was going to put him in a nursing home, and if he ran away from the nursing home, that he would have him committed.
what would her response be if you changed the locks (again) and told her if she removed the locks, that she would have to go live somewhere else. period. it is her choice. and have on hand a stack of catalogs and pamphlets and brochures of facilities in your area, so she can see that you are serious. you can even take her on a field trip, drive her to these places so it is vivid and she can see "this is where you will go if you change the locks in my home." Include the women's shelter on your tour, and include the homeless shelters on your tour. You can even have the application printed and filled out and show it to her.
your life and your health are important for your own well being, and for your relationship with your own children. i would guess that your own children want you to be healthy and happy and respected. best wishes, it sounds like you have a lot going for you.
also separate from therapy, it may be helpful for you to talk to a social worker about where she could go, and to know what is needed if at some point you do need to have her competency evaluated.
another idea is what about a duplex, or home with attached mother in law unit with separate entry and separate locks, so she has her space and you have yours, and entry is by invitation only, and if she tries to break in it is trespassing or breaking and entering, and it is illegal to enter and you tell her you will call the police, and it is up to her.
This. Very good advice.
You have received a lot of good advice so far, do consider it.
There is low income senior housing (it can cost as little as 30 dollars a month), it is usually no more than 33 percent of the persons income(and that is including utilities). It's not a nursing home, or assisted living facility - it's a regular apartment, and many of them are very nice.
Your Mom sounds like a nightmare, she is abusive and obtrusive. I would have to break free if I were you. (I would try what the poster up above said first but it sounds like life the way it is with her would be sad and intolerable. Don't do this to yourself.)
Last edited by Crazee Cat Lady; 05-24-2016 at 02:41 PM..
You have allowed this for years (living together)...so there are obviously mutual benefits. We should all care for our seniors. Good luck and please update.
I think we should all care for our seniors, but not so much in this case, she sounds manipulative and emotionally abusive to me. No one should be forced to endure a hell like that.
OP, you'd be surprised how cheap senior subsidized housing is. Put her name on your city's waiting list. Rent is charged according to her ability to pay. If all she has is Social Security, then they charge very little. A friend of mine in that situation got a 1-br. with all utilities and A/C included for $150/month. It could be even less, depending on the size of her SS check. Look into it.
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