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I'm 59 years old, have no kids (by choice) no step children (his choice), and not even blood related nieces or nephews.
For the last few days, I've had about 15 strangers tell me to have a happy mother's day. Restaurant servers, gricery store clerjs, even other shoppers in the grocery store as they passed by.
Inmy mind, I've always reserved saying "happy mother's day" to my own mother and grandmother when they were alive. If I want to acknowledge the day to friends or famiky, I'd be lijely to say "enjoy your day" or something like that.
I know these folks mean well, and it doesn't really bother ME, but I started to wonder: How do these strangers know that they aren't greeting a mother who's only child died? Or a woman who desperately wanted children but never did? Or a woman who lost her own mother just days ago?
I asked my husband if strangers ever told him to have a happy father's day, and he saud very rarely.
What's up with this? I don't recall this happening so often in the pasy.
Next time slap those people in the face. How dare they wishing you a happy day and don't consider all the odds!
It's not an excuse. If I don't see children with a woman there's no rule saying she must be a mom and just not with her children, LOL. I find that determination odd ("she's probably a mother") but I don't find it freak-out worthy or anything either...it's just an observation. But that's how I feel, who knows how the next person is going to feel...so I just can't see going around wishing every adult human with breasts a Happy Mother's Day... This is JUST ME, my personal feeling on it...I don't see kids, I don't say it. I actually wouldn't have thought about this subject much if I hadn't seen it up here...I'd just really not have said it.
I think some people are going a bit over-the-top with this. "Offended by everything..." Probably not so much, LOL! It's just a discussion with (hopefully) some reason and logic going on in the middle of it.
Wait.
Why are we assuming that they are assuming that the woman is a mother?
Maybe they're saying, "Happy Mother's Day!" because it's Mother's Day.
Maybe you are a mother. Maybe you have a mother. Maybe you know some mothers.
It's Mother's Day.
I don't assume everyone who wishes me a Merry Xmas assumes I'm christian. But it's xmas. So that's what you say in friendly greeting.
For people who don't understand why people would take offense to this, let me provide an example.
I'm a black male. By numbers, most black males are religious, particularly Christian. I'm an atheist. If someone were to come up to me on Easter Sunday and say "happy Easter Sunday, ain't you glad Jesus rose from the dead?" I would find that offensive because that person assumed since I was a black male I would follow other black males and believe in God just because. That person has no respect for my own capacity to make a major life decision like religion for myself the same way that women are assumed to mothers and are seen to default to the choice of having kids.
I'm a late 20s white female who lives in the South. People often assume that I am both a Christian and a mother, but I am neither.
I'm still not offended by a "Happy Mother's Day" or a religious greeting.
I think your last sentence is really a bit exaggerated. They aren't thinking all of that. To someone who is a Christian, and whose friends or family members are all Christian, it might just seem natural to assume that most people are Christian (and in the US, most people are). I think that's a bit naive, but I do not think it's cruel in intent. Just as I don't feel that someone is being sexist or rude or making assumptions about "my own capacity to make a major life decision" when they tell me "Happy Mother's Day," even though I'm child-free (by choice). If a person gives me a cheerful greeting on a holiday, or any other day, I assume that they have the best of intentions in doing so.
My mom died when I was 20. When I was about 25 (and childless) my neighbor asked on Mother's Day what I was doing to celebrate. "Uh, nothing since my mom is dead." Awkward pause. Was I upset? No, she meant well. I bet she felt a lot worse than I did.
Anna Jarvis, who created what we now know as Mother's Day, fought like hell against the consumerism that latched on to Mother's Day, even to the point of storming a convention of confectioners to rail against the commercialism of Mother's Day. She was adamant that it was "Mother's" day (singular), to honor your own mother, rather than "Mothers" day (plural) that honored "all mothers".
While people can, and will, get offended at many silly things, I think it's true that there's more of a downside towards wishing a unknown stranger "Happy Mother's Day!" in the expectation that it is a holiday they celebrate, than it is to just to just refrain from wishing people that you don't know a happy "whatever". Because yes, it DOES hurt when you have been in fertility treatments for 10 years and have nothing to show for it. Or if they have issues with their own mother (estranged, deceased, etc.) Or to a woman whose children may be in jail, rehab, or simply too self-absorbed to remember the day. It just seems easy enough to save the "Happy Mother's Day!" greeting for your own mother, or for those for whom you have enough of a history/connection to be able to confidently wish them a happy day of celebrating motherhood.
I mean, if it's a meaningless greeting, as some here have suggested -- then why bother at all?
Wait.
Why are we assuming that they are assuming that the woman is a mother?
Maybe they're saying, "Happy Mother's Day!" because it's Mother's Day.
Maybe you are a mother. Maybe you have a mother. Maybe you know some mothers.
It's Mother's Day.
I don't assume everyone who wishes me a Merry Xmas assumes I'm christian. But it's xmas. So that's what you say in friendly greeting.Better watch out, you might offend somebody.
Wait.
Why are we assuming that they are assuming that the woman is a mother?
Maybe they're saying, "Happy Mother's Day!" because it's Mother's Day.
I don't assume everyone who wishes me a Merry Xmas assumes I'm christian. But it's xmas. So that's what you say in friendly greeting.
And that's what the OP was about: She noticed a shift from it being a personal holiday to one that is now universally "shared" with greetings for any random person instead of "just" your own mom. That is definitely different from how things "used" to be.
I'm definitely going to pay attention next month to see if any cashiers wish me a happy Flag Day!!
In fact, anyone who bothers to read carefully will have a hard time detecting ANY offense taken in the OP.
Somethings deserve to be addressed, and this is one. I worked on Friday, and told my co-workers to enjoy their weekend. Easy-peasy, and no assumption made.
Some day, those who wish strangers a happy mother's day may find themselves on the other end of a sad story. It's a gentle reminder to think before one offers trite "niceties".
Funny, I find the term "easy peasy" annoying(especially coming from older people), and would like to address that.
See you shouldn't have said "enjoy your weekend", because of your coworkers could have turned around and said "Well my MIL's funeral is Saturday, but I will try".
And that's what the OP was about: She noticed a shift from it being a personal holiday to one that is now universally "shared" with greetings for any random person instead of "just" your own mom. That is definitely different from how things "used" to be.
I'm definitely going to pay attention next month to see if any cashiers wish me a happy Flag Day!!
In fact, anyone who bothers to read carefully will have a hard time detecting ANY offense taken in the OP.
I don't know if you noticed, but I wasn't addressing the op in that particular post.
The op didn't sound offended to me. Especially the part where she said she wasn't offended.
If flag day is as marketed as crazily as mother's day, you just might get a greeting!
Wait.
Why are we assuming that they are assuming that the woman is a mother?
Maybe they're saying, "Happy Mother's Day!" because it's Mother's Day.
Maybe you are a mother. Maybe you have a mother. Maybe you know some mothers.
It's Mother's Day.
I don't assume everyone who wishes me a Merry Xmas assumes I'm christian. But it's xmas. So that's what you say in friendly greeting.
Yes, I did assume that the person was assuming the person was a mother.
Perhaps the person does not assume that.
This is rather roundabout, though. LOL. But...sure, it's possible. Why not?
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This is JUST ME, my personal feeling on it...I don't see kids, I don't say it. I actually wouldn't have thought about this subject much if I hadn't seen it up here...I'd just really not have said it.
