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Wow. My relatives are generally nice people, and I'm not that cynical about their motivations. Cousins are invited because in our family, that's what you do. Just because we're not BFFs or communicate beyond Facebook "likes" and Christmas cards doesn't mean I'm not honored to be invited to share in a special family event.
I tend to agree with you.
In my family it was always big weddings. ALL relatives, friends of the couple, plus friend of the parent's. It isn't a gift grab. You would be invited to the weddings of your friends and relatives and the parents would be invited to weddings of their friends children.
Seeing you are from Pittsburgh does your family have a cookie table? a polka band? That's how we did it in NE Ohio. I really enjoyed every wedding a Pittsburgh relative had.
The OP did mention it was the stepmother's relatives so maybe there's something to that family dynamic that isn't as straightforward as we assume.
OP here. Thanks for all the feedback. No, there is no special family dynamic. My son knows her side of the family through church affiliation as he grew up. He hasn't gone to that church in probably 15 years. In that time I'd say they have seen him less than ten times total. It's always cordial, but nothing special. They've never made any special effort to include him in family activities over the years, but from my perspective it was never expected. He has a closer relationship with one of the boys that's closer to his age - and he got an invitation to the wedding. I don't think it was anything malicious or vindictive on my son's part. It just wasn't on his radar. The family member who has "pushed the issue" is insinuating some kind of obligation or expectation that my wife's extended family should have been invited. He felt bad when he realized he may have committed some kind of social faux paux - which I do not believe he did.
Wow. My relatives are generally nice people, and I'm not that cynical about their motivations. Cousins are invited because in our family, that's what you do. Just because we're not BFFs or communicate beyond Facebook "likes" and Christmas cards doesn't mean I'm not honored to be invited to share in a special family event.
My relatives are generally nice people as well. Several years ago I got a wedding invite from a cousin I have no contact with and hadn't seen this first wedding, years before that.
I live in CA, they're in NC. I called that one a gift grab. Why send an invite to someone you haven't had any contact with in years and add in they live on the other side of the country?
My relatives are generally nice people as well. Several years ago I got a wedding invite from a cousin I have no contact with and hadn't seen this first wedding, years before that.
I live in CA, they're in NC. I called that one a gift grab. Why send an invite to someone you haven't had any contact with in years and add in they live on the other side of the country?
Because if they hadn't, somebody would start a thread about being slighted.
It's his wedding, and really is HIS wedding, since they are funding most of it. He can invite who he feels he wants there. And he definitely shouldn't feel obligated to invite who he doesn't have any special affection for. Aside from the cultural "norms" or social morays of certain family circles, weddings are, or at least in my opinion, a personal thing. On my second wedding, we had a bit of "where's my invitation" and even a memorable "You can't just elope!!!" but it wasn't about THEM, it's about the joining of two people. I love the Tina Modotti quote from the movie about Frieda Kahlo "I don't believe in marriage. I think at worst it's a hostile political act, a way for small-minded men to keep women in the house and out of the way, wrapped up in the guise of tradition and conservative religious nonsense. At best, it's a happy delusion - these two people who truly love each other and have no idea how truly miserable they're about to make each other. But, but, when two people know that, and they decide with eyes wide open to face each other and get married anyway, then I don't think it's conservative or delusional. I think it's radical and courageous and very romantic."
Last edited by SolaireSolstice; 06-05-2016 at 06:31 PM..
Reason: spelling issues
In my family it was always big weddings. ALL relatives, friends of the couple, plus friend of the parent's. It isn't a gift grab. You would be invited to the weddings of your friends and relatives and the parents would be invited to weddings of their friends children.
Seeing you are from Pittsburgh does your family have a cookie table? a polka band? That's how we did it in NE Ohio. I really enjoyed every wedding a Pittsburgh relative had.
Reminds me of my wedding, my mother in law had a list of people my husband didn't recognize. I asked, for example, "Who is Mrs. Dingaling", Mrs Dingaling used to watch my husband as an infant and moved to Texas 27 years ago and would be offended if she didn't attend. Then the domino groups, you know if you invite one, you "HAVE" to invite them all.
If I were your wife's family, I wouldn't care. Especially since they're on a "budget."
Someone's always going to feel slighted no matter what.
I do think, however, that if your wife's relatives felt strongly enough, they should have talked to the groom and bride about it. Then again since they didn't bother to phone call or visit, then they probably didn't deserve to be there.
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