how often should adult children see their parents (boyfriend, husband, holidays)
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basically the title is the question... i'm 28 and live under 10 mins from my parents. i see them about once a week yet constantly get the guilt trip about how i don't care about them or see them enough.
this past weekend my mom made a comment about how me and my brothers won't visit her when she's in a nursing home. she makes comments like these a lot and they hurt my feelings and **** me off.
so i'm just wondering what a reasonable frequency is for children 25 and over to see their parents. i mean i have my own adult life going on as well so in my opinion, once a week is the perfect amount. i could do with a little bit less but i make the effort for them (which apparently is not enough).
once a week is fine, don't let her guilt trip you. in one ear and out the other. or remind her that yes you will go see her where ever she is living and remind her too that you were just there last week. you could also tell her if she wants to see you more often she can come to your house every now and again. it really is amazing how many parents/grandparents ***** no one comes to see them, yet extend an invitation for them to come see you, they just can't be bothered and go on to list a bunch of "reasons" why not. it's a two way street find out how far she will go to see you, it might show you how much guilt you can drop.
once a week is fine, don't let her guilt trip you. in one ear and out the other. or remind her that yes you will go see her where ever she is living and remind her too that you were just there last week. you could also tell her if she wants to see you more often she can come to your house every now and again. it really is amazing how many parents/grandparents ***** no one comes to see them, yet extend an invitation for them to come see you, they just can't be bothered and go on to list a bunch of "reasons" why not. it's a two way street find out how far she will go to see you, it might show you how much guilt you can drop.
I agree.
That happened to a friend of mine. His parents complained and complained that he only saw them once a week so he started inviting them over to his house at times that were convenient for him. "Mom & Dad please come over Thursday at 6:30 PM and we can play cards" or "Mom & Dad, I get home from the gym at 7 PM on Tuesday. Ill take a quick shower & then I'll make dinner we can eat together at 8:30 PM."
His parents had excuse after excuse why they couldn't come to his house but they backed off about him coming to their house all the time.
I have four grown up children... they all work and have busy lives, I dont expect them to rush to see me every time they have a spare few hours.. they come down when it suits them and that suits me too.... I do see my youngest son more often as I mind his two children a lot and they come to drop them off and collect them... the others a see every other week.. they have their own lives to lead, and I let them all get on with it... I didnt have them to look after or fuss over me.. never did never will... i just want them all to be happy with their own families..
Once a week is more than enough. They should count their blessings they raised a self-sufficient adult who didn't move too far away from home (but who thankfully moved out of their home).
If your parents are young enough that they have their own transportation, then they should assume half of the responsibility for visiting, meaning for every visit you make to their house, the next visit should be them coming to your house at a time convenient for you. The road runs in both directions. If everyone takes turns visiting, the demands for visits and hopefully the guilt trips will become less frequent.
I see my parents about every other month or so and live 2 hours away. They have busy social lives, so they're not hounding me too much to visit.
Last edited by corgifreak; 06-06-2016 at 12:27 PM..
That happened to a friend of mine. His parents complained and complained that he only saw them once a week so he started inviting them over to his house at times that were convenient for him. "Mom & Dad please come over Thursday at 6:30 PM and we can play cards" or "Mom & Dad, I get home from the gym at 7 PM on Tuesday. Ill take a quick shower & then I'll make dinner we can eat together at 8:30 PM."
His parents had excuse after excuse why they couldn't come to his house but they backed off about him coming to their house all the time.
it really is amazing how people will gripe you never come by, but reverse the situation and you won't be seeing them. kinda sad really
When I was still living fairly close, under 30 minutes, I would call on Sunday and ask "what's for dinner". If I liked what they were having, I went over. If I didn't like it, I didn't. I would ask because I didn't want to get there and then complain about what they had and that helped a lot.
Sometimes, I did the same thing during the week, but not often. My husband didn't usually come with me. It was a meal once a week that I didn't have to cook.
Now we're 4 hours away, and it's 2-6 times a year, depending on whether or not they are being rude, judgmental, or just basic nagging parents. I don't need more drama in my life, so that drops the number of times for visits.
When I was still living fairly close, under 30 minutes, I would call on Sunday and ask "what's for dinner". If I liked what they were having, I went over. If I didn't like it, I didn't. I would ask because I didn't want to get there and then complain about what they had and that helped a lot.
Sometimes, I did the same thing during the week, but not often. My husband didn't usually come with me. It was a meal once a week that I didn't have to cook.
Now we're 4 hours away, and it's 2-6 times a year, depending on whether or not they are being rude, judgmental, or just basic nagging parents. I don't need more drama in my life, so that drops the number of times for visits.
i go over on sunday's for dinner too! my mom invites me. i go without my boyfriend as well. but this past sunday, along with her nursing home comment, she said the only reason she sees me is because she feeds me. i told her that i didn't look at it like that - i saw it as something to do while seeing them. i mean i could go over there and just sit there for a few hours also and visit them but why not just have dinner together? and i go over about two hours beforehand so i can visit with them. i don't just show up, eat dinner, and then leave. i make an effort to spend more time. so that's why her comments upset me. she constantly makes me feel like i don't do enough.
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