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I am definitely in the solitude camp. If I'm sick, just leave me alone and let me rest. People who need to be waited on for minor ailments are weak willed and should have developed better coping skills.
Of course, this entirely opposite from my wife who wants to spend the entire duration of the illness whining about how bad she feels - just go to sleep and when you wake up you will feel better.
Solitude for me. I sure don't want to have to be "nice" to someone else and grateful to someone else for attention that I don't really want. Leave me the heck alone so I can attend to my illness or pain in peace.
Solitude! Just leave me alone to suffer. Only after surgery have I been unable to get my own food and liquids. Usually I just sleep, wake up long enough to drink some juice and then back to bed again. Don't want to see or talk to anyone.
When I'm upset, it's best that I have solitude. Just let me have my space away to rant it out of my system, and then I'm fine.
When I'm sick....because it rarely ever happens, I am a big baby drama queen. I'm going to die, I'm not going to make it, no one cares that I'm sick, I'll just lie here, in pain, while the world goes on having fun without me, whatever, I'm hot, I'm cold, I hurt, why does it hurt to touch my own hands, this is horrible, I'm never going to feel good again...
I need solicitude, but who the heck wants to be around me when I'm like that? hahahahahahahaha
Seriously though, if someone would just sit in bed with me while I eat chicken soup and watch something on tv, I'd be a lot less dramatic.
And when I've had surgery, leave me alone. Don't come and visit me in the hospital - I feel like I need to entertain the visitor, make sure they are comfortable, etc. Just leave me alone. The medical staff will look out for me as necessary, but I'd prefer that they leave me alone when possible.
Now, when I hurt my knee very badly I was certainly grateful my son fetched me lunch and stuff, but I would've hated someone hovering and fawning over me.
Like GabbytheCat said above, I would feel like I had to entertain the person or find them something to do.
I love my down time, and if I am particularly upset about an unfortunate event..I have a particular friend that thinks the solution to my woes lie in a bar or at the bottom of a beer bottle. Taking me out drinking to forget problems is only a way to make it worse. Just leave me the #!$@ alone and let me whine at home. Ill eventually get over it.
Some problems I've had in the past were either job or relationship issues, so the last thing I need is to be drug out to parties or nightclubs full of happy couples with amazing careers.
Other people seeing me cry is extremely humiliating for me, and I never forget it.
Also, other people fussing over me and getting me to talk about it makes it worse. I have a specific process for coping that works. Other people imposing their method on me almost always makes me feel much worse.
This is me when I am upset.
I hate people seeing me cry. And I actually hate that I can cry in the 1st place. Makes me feel fragile & weak. So other people being around is embarrassing. I wish I were one of the people that couldn't and didn't cry.
Some people can be very overbearing, thinking you wanna chat or cry to them in upsetting times. If a grieving person wants your comfort, let them come to you. otherwise, give people privacy and space unless they ask otherwise.
If I am sick, I don't mind someone being around, usually may be my mother. But I rarely get that sick. For years, the sickest I get is a bad cold now and again. And strep-throat, but haven't had that one in 15 years.
I have read that on the whole men prefer solitude and women solicitude. I can't remember the name of the book, but it was a serious book, not a polemic.
If I am sick, don't abandon me, but leave me alone most of the time, unless I am obviously dying.
If I am upset, just let me vent when I am ready, but don't tell me everything will be all right, or some such. And don't feel like you need to fix it. Just let me be upset, and listen to me, and then I'll calm down.
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