getting annoyed/hurt by unappreciative or rude comments (male, feel)
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It was as bit insensitive but at the end of the day you can't really control how others react to something. If the guy went on in detail about how bad the place sucked I can see it being a little off putting, but again, it's just an opinion. We shouldn't let it get to us that much.
I think the OP wasn't hurt by the fact her friend didn't like the restaurant she chose.
Rather, I think she was taken aback by his social cluelessness in complaining about her brunch choice to a third party with her sitting right there.
OP, you said you and this person are "very close." If that means you're contemplating a romantic relationship, you might want to take it slow and make sure he has the maturity to be the partner you need.
I guess you know by now the OP is male.
So, OP, sweetie, don't get your panties in a wad. You'll have to pick friends who are more sensitive and enjoy boring food.
[quote=mainebrokerman;44362074]you asked the question..... he gave you (presumably) his honest reply.. its history/QUOTE]
I reread the OP's posting and didn't find that question being asked. From what I read, the only comment the OP made was about eating brunch twice in one week, and then the so-called friend spoke up and bashed the first place they ate.
Thank you again to those of you giving constructive feedback. I do identify as someone who is sensitive; probably moreso than your average joe; it is just how I was built and it is a part of my personality. That said, I do realize it is up to me to work with what I have been given so that I can thrive in this world filled with many different people. For instance, I chose how to react to this situation rather than reacting. I know his comment was not meant with ill-will and these comments aren't a typical pattern with him, so it wouldn't be fair to criticize him for making a general statement; friends should be able to talk freely with one another, with this I do agree. I'm sure I unknowingly insult or slight others regularly without even knowing it.
The pattern I do see is with my internal emotional response. I have had several instances in the past where friends have made similar comments about something I like or enjoy and it does get under my skin. I pride myself on being kind and compassionate to people and keeping an open mind about things they like or enjoy. I do get a bit taken aback when the same courtesy does not seem to be returned. Using a different example, today at work we had a company picnic and a coworker I am friendly with was enjoying some almonds and I asked her if I could have some and she flat out refused to share because she was "too hungry". This bothered me because she shared with a different coworker and I am very generous with her and others and will frequently offer food I have to them. However yes, I do realize it is ultimately her choice to share or not as it is her food.
Anyway, I posted here because I wanted to see if I was alone in feeling how I do and it turns out I am definitely not alone in feeling this way. I do enjoy this forum a lot and writing things out does help me considerably. Yes I have my "stuff" to work on as we all do and I knew posting in here I would get a few unconstructive, rude comments regarding "how old are you?!?" or "getting my panties in a knot". I will continue to focus on the positive, constructive feedback. Thank you.
Sounds like your friend is selfish and thoughtless. You might consider finding a new friend. And in the meantime toughen up a little and try not to be so sensitive.
I think it just depends.
Did you say something along the lines of "Charles and I had brunch at one my favorites places (this wonderful little place, etc) earlier this week" or was it more along the lines of "Charles and I had brunch at that place over on Main St"
If it was the first then the comment your friend made was clueless and rude and I'd understand being a tad hurt that he dismissed a place I had praised.
If it was the second then for all he knows you might have suggested the restaurant because it was convenient or something, and he's simply commenting on his experience with no idea that you felt you were 'gifting' him something you thought he would enjoy.
I am very close with said person and even this seemed way too petty to even bring up with them privately, esp since I know it was not meant personally.
OP, since you know this wasn't meant personally, don't take it personally. It's simply a matter of two people having differing opinions.
The fact that you're very close with this guy suggests that you may have more invested in his opinion than that of a casual acquaintance. Or perhaps this is approval-seeking?
To avoid this kind of thing in the future, I'd advise you to not put so much stock in other people's opinions. Or at least drop them a hint in advance, like "I hope you'll like this place, it was really good when I came here a few weeks ago."
And the next time someone accidentally hurts your feelings, just do what a duck would do: let it roll off your back, and keep paddling.
Last edited by Slowpoke_TX; 06-10-2016 at 09:36 PM..
Reason: syntax error
Thank you again to those of you giving constructive feedback. I do identify as someone who is sensitive; probably moreso than your average joe; it is just how I was built and it is a part of my personality. That said, I do realize it is up to me to work with what I have been given so that I can thrive in this world filled with many different people. For instance, I chose how to react to this situation rather than reacting. I know his comment was not meant with ill-will and these comments aren't a typical pattern with him, so it wouldn't be fair to criticize him for making a general statement; friends should be able to talk freely with one another, with this I do agree. I'm sure I unknowingly insult or slight others regularly without even knowing it.
The pattern I do see is with my internal emotional response. I have had several instances in the past where friends have made similar comments about something I like or enjoy and it does get under my skin. I pride myself on being kind and compassionate to people and keeping an open mind about things they like or enjoy. I do get a bit taken aback when the same courtesy does not seem to be returned. Using a different example, today at work we had a company picnic and a coworker I am friendly with was enjoying some almonds and I asked her if I could have some and she flat out refused to share because she was "too hungry". This bothered me because she shared with a different coworker and I am very generous with her and others and will frequently offer food I have to them. However yes, I do realize it is ultimately her choice to share or not as it is her food.
Anyway, I posted here because I wanted to see if I was alone in feeling how I do and it turns out I am definitely not alone in feeling this way. I do enjoy this forum a lot and writing things out does help me considerably. Yes I have my "stuff" to work on as we all do and I knew posting in here I would get a few unconstructive, rude comments regarding "how old are you?!?" or "getting my panties in a knot". I will continue to focus on the positive, constructive feedback. Thank you.
I think you are appropriately offended, but with people you are invested in you take it to heart. You'll have to gage more critically those folks who really deserve your attentive kindnesses, set your friendship bar a bit higher and don't over give to those that don't appreciate it.
I wasted many years as a young adult on folks, including relatives, giving away my time, energy and emotional support....mostly to folks that didn't appreciate or reciprocate.
I eventually got more selective and choose more wisely who I let into my life on more than an acquaintance level.
You are unique and caring, don't change you.....
Someone said this to me many years ago.....
"Look for people like you, not for people you like"
I apologize. It's another way of saying "Don't let it get to you".
The world can be a very harsh place if you allow other people to hurt your feelings by not sharing their almonds with you. "shake it off, shake it off"
There's a time and a place to be sensitive. Pour that part of you into writing poetry, being a dog walker at an animal shelter, reading to retirement home residents, starting a community garden.
If people are rude to you then I think they either don't know you well enough to appreciate you OR they know you but are taking advantage of the fact that you tolerate their rudeness. Keep being you and move on - away from the haters. For almond girl, I'd drop a pack of almonds on her desk and tell her with a smile that you know how much she loves them so.... eat them all!
Don't be a doormat. Rise above. You can do it. Don't let them steal your joy.
(is that better?)
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