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The latter is the only thing I'd possibly think that maybe they should consider being persuaded to do, MAYBE, depending on their life (do they have kids, close friends in the area that may need to reach them). Otherwise, no, I don't expect someone to answer their phone at work for "casual" calls, I consider that a luxury. Now, I do think many bosses are too strict about the matter, but that's beside the point. (I do also think a person should answer their phone, say, when it's their child's school and I think bosses should be MADE to allow it without penalty.)
As the one person said, we're not talking about the expectation that people be on a leash 24 hours a day. We're talking about people who take FOREVER to return a call just because of things like this:
That, right there, is pure selfishness. That is what we're saying.
As the one person said, it's one thing if one is asking "how are you, haven't talked in awhile" and expects a reply within seconds even during the workday, that's silly. On the other hand, it's another thing when it's been a week or more and still nothing--or, and I add this part, if it's an emergency caliber stuck on the roadside disabled type of call (yes, even though we have AAA) but you don't reply because "I don't FEEL like talking right now." WHO CARES what you "feel" like at such a time? Be above yourself and help out your friend already vs acting like them calling you is some hardship like you're hiking in the Saudi Arabia desert without a water canteen. (There are "leech" variety friends, I'm well aware, and yes those do deserve a bit of a talking to about not being so "needy," I agree.)
Moreover, as I mentioned, you then have people like those selling things on Craigslist who have still not replied some 3-4 days later, and this is a situation where they have PUT THEMSELVES OUT THERE EXPRESSLY. If the item has sold, SAY SO, and delete the ad. Moreover, be clear in the ad when good and bad times to contact you are. If you can't talk during 8am-5pm or 4pm - 12 midnight due to work, that's fine, but either (a) install the "auto reply" app so people get a message saying this so they know or (b) say so outright in the ad. I do both all the time when I sell and hardly consider either any sort of major hardship or aggravation, it's my obligation as I see it.
Oh, for God's sake. Obviously I wasn't referring to any emergency situation. My, how you spin. You are exactly the type of person who won't get a return call from me...ever. It's because I have no time or patience for the drama as you spin everything out of context. It isn't selfishness on my part, it's survival.
Oh, for God's sake. Obviously I wasn't referring to any emergency situation. My, how you spin. You are exactly the type of person who won't get a return call from me...ever. It's because I have no time or patience for the drama as you spin everything out of context. It isn't selfishness on my part, it's survival.
Well, if you truly WOULD be (reasonably) available in case of emergency, good. Right on. Such is how people should be.
Still, the original poster has a point, and I am not speaking of you personally, but just people in an "overall' sense of things. I really identified with the one post that had things laid out 1-2, as in (1) persons calling-texting "haven't talked inawhile, how you are" who throw a fit if the phone isn't answered within 3 seconds, that's ridiculous (and none of us, including me, are asking for that) BUT THAT (2) when someone calls you "how are you, haven't talked in awhile" and it's been weeks and still nothing, that's also not a good way to be about things.
To me, a LOT of things in this world come down to balance. That word, balance, is a huge concept that makes so much of this sort of thing obvious. That is, it's one thing to expect a call in seconds always no matter what and throw a fit if it doesn't happen, but it's also ridiculous to go weeks and not reply to someone who has reached out to you. Both are unfortunate extremes that aren't good. To me, that's balance, not taking things too far in such ways.
Well, if you truly WOULD be (reasonably) available in case of emergency, good. Right on. Such is how people should be.
Still, the original poster has a point, and I am not speaking of you personally, but just people in an "overall' sense of things. I really identified with the one post that had things laid out 1-2, as in (1) persons calling-texting "haven't talked inawhile, how you are" who throw a fit if the phone isn't answered within 3 seconds, that's ridiculous (and none of us, including me, are asking for that) BUT THAT (2) when someone calls you "how are you, haven't talked in awhile" and it's been weeks and still nothing, that's also not a good way to be about things.
To me, a LOT of things in this world come down to balance. That word, balance, is a huge concept that makes so much of this sort of thing obvious. That is, it's one thing to expect a call in seconds always no matter what and throw a fit if it doesn't happen, but it's also ridiculous to go weeks and not reply to someone who has reached out to you. Both are unfortunate extremes that aren't good. To me, that's balance, not taking things too far in such ways.
"Balance" for me is dropping crybaby leeches from my social calendar. Seriously, I don't have time to wipe away tears and cater to what they believe are proper phone manners from me. The telephone may be important to you. To me it's an intrusive pain I can do without.
Heck, why is it necessary for me to install an auto reply app on my phone? Yes, I will return their call/text/email when I can. That's common sense, really. An auto reply app does not assure anyone of anything.
I do not always reply as soon as possible. For instance, I have one friend who is very needy, very wrapped up in her own little world. She takes a lot of emotional energy from me that, frankly, I often do not have. So I respond to her *when* I can. Heck, I try to remind her when I talk to her that I have been busy doing with stuff. If she doesn't "get" that, I can't help it. My first priority is to those under my own roof, and maintaining my sanity. Sometimes that means not responding quickly to every call/text/email that I get. That's life.
Heck, why is it necessary for me to install an auto reply app on my phone? Yes, I will return their call/text/email when I can. That's common sense, really. An auto reply app does not assure anyone of anything.
and:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Javacoffee
"Balance" for me is dropping crybaby leeches from my social calendar. Seriously, I don't have time to wipe away tears and cater to what they believe are proper phone manners from me. The telephone may be important to you. To me it's an intrusive pain I can do without.
I hereby quote this post from another thread, where someone has practically bragged about ignoring an RSVP when all they had to do was say "no" (words I added are in green):
Quote:
Originally Posted by dblackga
{snip}
In almost any accepted standard of polite society, defined as people who are polite to each other, it is RUDE to simply ignore an invitation {phone call, too, if you have time but just "don't feel like it"}. Someone wants to include you in a gathering {or phone call "I'd love to do lunch sometime if that's of interest to you"}. You care so little that you don't even bother to respond? That is self-absorbed, narcissistic and self-centered, all rolled into one. If you can't take 30 seconds to send a text message or an email to say, "So sorry, can't make it, thanks for thinking of me," then there's no hope for you.
People who aren't accustomed to using good manners forget that it's NOT that complicated to RSVP -- you don't have to give an extensive reason why you can't come (it's also rude of the host to put a guest on the spot with "oh, why not?") {I completely agree} If you are cornered, just keep saying, "It's just not a good time, sorry to miss it", etc.
I wouldn't call it common sense. I WOULD call it good manners. Good manners doesn't cost you a damn thing, and it makes life run so much more smoothly. No one is so busy they can't spend 30 seconds responding to an invitation. {phone call too if they're not at work-sleeping etc} There is no obligation to attend -- but there is an implied obligation to respond, to interact with your fellow man. Instead of grousing that he might have to emerge from his abode like some sort of modern-day hermit, he should consider himself flattered that someone actually cares enough about him to want to spend a little time with him. {exactly!!!}
Ignoring an invitation makes it extremely inconvenient for the host. They start to wonder: Did Hermit get the invitation? Is Hermit coming? Wait a few days, follow up -- Hermit may or may not respond to the follow up. Is this the right number for Hermit? Did Hermit move and not tell us? It just puts the host in the position of trying to figure out a) did Hermit get the invitation? or b) is Hermit just being an ass?
I mean, really. "I can't wipe away their tears"--well, gee, what a heart we have, aren't we proud? Newsflash--you're a human being among other human beings, I suggest that being there for someone else (in a reasonable way) is your obligation whether you like it or not. As a wise person I know once said in a speech "needy people aren't an interruption to your busy day, THEY ARE your busy day." Exactly. Sometimes it isn't about what you "feel like" right then, you think about somebody else other than your precious and self-centered "boundaries" all the time. There will still be plenty of fishing trips and cycling endeavors to go on, heck I do that all the time myself and do so without brushing people off because, oh my goodness, they're intruding into my precious little self-centered existence.
With the understanding that I am not talking about life and death emergencies or running an ad that is no longer viable, let me put this very succinctly: my telephone is for my convenience, not yours.
With the understanding that I am not talking about life and death emergencies or running an ad that is no longer viable, let me put this very succinctly: my telephone is for my convenience, not yours.
Naturally. Thank you for making the original poster's point better than I could have ever done myself.
With the understanding that I am not talking about life and death emergencies or running an ad that is no longer viable, let me put this very succinctly: my telephone is for my convenience, not yours.
The liberal mindset doesn't compute that.
Yours isn't theirs?!
Their needs don't trump yours?!
Their need to talk doesn't overpower your need to steer clear of them?!
You really are a callous beast, aren't you?
So am I.
The liberal mindset doesn't compute that.
Yours isn't theirs?!
Their needs don't trump yours?!
Their need to talk doesn't overpower your need to steer clear of them?!
You really are a callous beast, aren't you?
So am I.
Liberalism has nothing to do with it. In most of my voting I lean towards the right. I still think of a phone as being a vital link by which, within reasonable degrees obviously, we can link to each other and be there for each other as opposed to it being SOLELY about "MY" convenience (even though it is my phone first and foremost). I do appreciate and cherish quiet and uninterrupted times where I can read or work-out etc, but unless the phone is ringing off the hook I'd never want a person to feel like calling me was some "intrusion." Vibrate and auto-reply apps are there for me for those times, without someone being left hanging. It's easy and painless and not the least bit "leash"-esque.
The liberal mindset doesn't compute that.
Yours isn't theirs?!
Their needs don't trump yours?!
Their need to talk doesn't overpower your need to steer clear of them?!
You really are a callous beast, aren't you?
So am I.
Since when have good manners become a liberal thing?
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