Invited Old Friends to Visit - 2 Weeks and No Definite Answer (personality, Christmas)
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It shouldn't be unexpected. She did say they were not very social outgoing people. And the husband was a friend of her husband.
It didn't start as a couple/couple friendship. Maybe the wife never enjoyed the vacations, no matter how wonderful they were. The email was sent to both, so the husband could have responded also, but seems like he did not. Maybe martial problems?
By unexpected I meant unusual for them. If you've known someone 40-50 years you probably know if they are quick to respond to stuff, or less flowery or whatever. If the response was out of character a good friend would be concerned. If the response was kind of typical, well then it just is. If you knew that was how they were then follow up afterwards if you have a time frame that you need to know by. It wasn't a formal invite with an RSVP date.
Re the husband not responding - the email came from the wife. The husband probably just assumed his wife responded already. Another thought is if they are all retired, who's to say they weren't responding as they were leaving on a trip? Perhaps they've been traveling or visiting other friends or relatives?
The OP indicated these people were in their wedding and they extended this invitation because they were longtime friends whom they desired to see again before they died. Not sure how old the poster is but geez, if that is truly the reason, it seems rather petty to be so focused on who's turn it is to respond that you won't pick up the phone to follow up.
I don't get the hostility from the crowd, either. Some of you seriously need to get over yourselves. I think the invitees were quite rude to people who have hosted them a number of times in the past without expecting a return invite.
It appears that Mrs. Invitee has picked up some bad habits from the texting generation, including ingratitude. I think the OP is going to have to regretfully write them off.
OP, I hope your husband's surgery goes well and your own health improves.
Agreed, what a clan of clucking old hens, pecking at the OP for jollies. She is hurt by the ungracious and insensitive behavior of old friends whom she has hosted so graciously in years past. The fact that this couple doesn't reciprocate and doesn't even respond to a kind invitation with a modicum of courtesy and respect suggests that they are rather entitled and self-centered people who take the OP's hospitality for granted.
The only possible explanation that would exonerate them is a sudden, massive attack of Alzheimer's disease, or else a catastrophic loss of telecommunications in their area. Barring such unlikely events, my personal reaction would be to reciprocate her curt response with a one line followup of my own, e.g. "I take it you're declining our invitation." Let her know you're displeased; she can make the effort to clean up the mess if she really cares about salvaging the relationship. If she doesn't, it's their loss and perhaps time for you to face the fact that this is a one sided friendship.
I'm angry with them ... They have never invited us to stay with them, which we understand (very small house). We have given them wonderful vacations when we lived in FL.
I am too mad to call and don't want ruin the relationship (husband's oldest friend), but I'm sorry I invited them. I think her curt reply and lack of a further follow-up with their plans is rude. This is a couple who seldom travels and doesn't do much socializing.
Wow, that's lot of anger, and over nothing, really. If you present this noxious attitude to them, should they visit, it will probably be the last you'll hear of them. Really, your anger is far more concerning than the tardiness of their reply.
Location: Subconscious Syncope, USA (Northeastern US)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by staywarm2
We invited some old friends to come to our house (as house guests) to visit for 3-4 days, if the week I chose worked for them date-wise (early August). That time is the only week that works for us due to doctor appointments and husband's surgery. I sent the e-mail to both the husband and wife. Husband was best man in our wedding. They have been our house guests several times in previous years.
The wife answered my e-mail within 30 min. and only wrote, "Don't know yet. May work. Will let you know." That reply was 2 weeks ago and no further communication has been received from them.
I feel hurt by the ungracious reply and offended that they haven't given us a definite answer yet. What's your option?
My option is to let it go. You don't know what problems life has presented them with, and you cant expect them to necessarily be proud to tell you.
I don't understand why you feel the reply was ungracious? It seems to me they don't want to flat out tell you no, and if things work out, they will let you know. August may not seem that far away when everything is going as expected, but it can feel like years when things are uncertain.
By unexpected I meant unusual for them. If you've known someone 40-50 years you probably know if they are quick to respond to stuff, or less flowery or whatever. If the response was out of character a good friend would be concerned. If the response was kind of typical, well then it just is. If you knew that was how they were then follow up afterwards if you have a time frame that you need to know by. It wasn't a formal invite with an RSVP date.
Re the husband not responding - the email came from the wife. The husband probably just assumed his wife responded already. Another thought is if they are all retired, who's to say they weren't responding as they were leaving on a trip? Perhaps they've been traveling or visiting other friends or relatives?
The OP indicated these people were in their wedding and they extended this invitation because they were longtime friends whom they desired to see again before they died. Not sure how old the poster is but geez, if that is truly the reason, it seems rather petty to be so focused on who's turn it is to respond that you won't pick up the phone to follow up.
I agree with all of this. What I don't understand is the OP's willingness to just throw the whole friendship away over this one slight, if you can even call it that. I give 2nd chances. I'm glad the husband will call his friend today, but it took pages of responses to get to that point, and it still seems the OP would rather not have the visit than make a simple follow up call or e-mail.
My first thought, if I had read that response from an email I sent would be: Something must be wrong with them, health wise, family, finances, something. Although I would have ended my response with Thanks, love you..something.
The short curt response would indicate to me that something is going on, I should give it some time and call, or email them again.
I agree with all of this. What I don't understand is the OP's willingness to just throw the whole friendship away over this one slight, if you can even call it that. I give 2nd chances. I'm glad the husband will call his friend today, but it took pages of responses to get to that point, and it still seems the OP would rather not have the visit than make a simple follow up call or e-mail.
How it appears to me...
The guys are long time friends. The wives are friendly only because their spouses are so close.
The OP may have hosted them all these years simply to please her husband, and she is getting tired of doing so.
Pure conjecture... but that is how it is coming across to me.
How it appears to me...
The guys are long time friends. The wives are friendly only because their spouses are so close.
The OP may have hosted them all these years simply to please her husband, and she is getting tired of doing so.
Pure conjecture... but that is how it is coming across to me.
That sounds likely - but the OP should own that then, rather than blame these friends.
How it appears to me...
The guys are long time friends. The wives are friendly only because their spouses are so close.
The OP may have hosted them all these years simply to please her husband, and she is getting tired of doing so.
Pure conjecture... but that is how it is coming across to me.
Maybe, but at the same time it sounds like this invitation was unprovoked, not the result of a "we should get together sometime!" conversation. I don't get the sense from the OP that the couple in question actually wants to visit. If I received an email out of the blue saying, "you can come and visit us X weekend" my response might be a similar, "okay, thanks?" Maybe not so curt, but still.
And on further reflection, I wouldn't want to go to south Florida in August, either. It's 100 degrees and humid.
Last edited by fleetiebelle; 06-18-2016 at 09:20 AM..
How it appears to me...
The guys are long time friends. The wives are friendly only because their spouses are so close.
The OP may have hosted them all these years simply to please her husband, and she is getting tired of doing so.
Pure conjecture... but that is how it is coming across to me.
That is how I see it. The original friendship was between the guys. Some said they were in ther wedding, no, only the husband. He was the best man.
The wives were being nice to please the men. And I can see how the OP would be upset. She's a planner.
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