How do I tell an acquiantance "no" after I already said "yes"? (conversation, neighbors)
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If I had a stylist friend cut my hair, I would expect to pay her. That's how they earn their living. Same goes for other work.
If your stylist volunteered to cut your hair and no mention was made of a fee, I doubt seriously you would expect to be charged, nor would you be happy if she said later she would not do it. Stick to the script.
I agree with the first part of your post. I disagree with the second part, if it is a time-consuming endeavor. This is also why I avoid doing business with friends and relatives. I'll give advice all day long. But doing the work is something else entirely, chiefly because I only have so many hours in a day.
We are on the same page here. The second part was only my own opinion, since I have friend that would give me the shirt off their backs if I needed it. That's why I call them friends, and not just folks I know. We are all fortunate to have what we have, and many times we only have what we have because some one some time, helped us along. A true friend is worth a little of my time, even though there are only so many hours to me. That's a decision we make on a case be case event, and each to his own. The main point is, if you said you where going to do it, then do it.
Oh. OK. Then I think I'll ask my accountant friend to do my taxes "as a favor." I have a blank wall, so maybe my artist friend will paint something there to help me out. I need a new roof, perhaps I will befriend a roof contractor who would be happy to donate his services because he's a good guy and we get along.
Why don't you just get "Goofy" instead in your reply posts when you can't think of nothing else. .
That's the problem, I don't have time to throw together an easy sample. It would open me up to her endless suggestions & input, which was part of the original reason I regretted saying yes to the 2nd set of invites. I don't have the energy or space in my packed calendar for the time consuming exercise this will become.
Just to clarify, these were invites for one of her personal parties, not something for a charity committee or for my kid's school. She still has 2 months to order something else or make other arrangements.
It's a moot point anyway, as I've already emailed her to apologize & tell her I don't have the free time I thought I would this summer.
Thank you all again for the input.
No need to make excuses. If you don't want to do it, don't do it. Sounds like you already knew you where bailing, but had a tinge of guilt, and wanted to see what others may think of your decision. Well now you know. Some approve, and some say there isn't much to you. Just opinions.
There are a lot of folks that have no credibility, and you can't believe what they say. Its part of "Normal" in todays new age, so your not alone. We do what we are comfortable with.
If your stylist volunteered to cut your hair and no mention was made of a fee, I doubt seriously you would expect to be charged, nor would you be happy if she said later she would not do it. Stick to the script.
She didn't volunteer to do the invitations - she was asked.
Same deal - if I ASKED a stylist friend to cut my hair - I certainly would expect to pay her. "Sticking to the script" is easier when you have reading comprehension. Go back and read the OP all over again.
...and BTW, if a stylist friend had volunteered, I would still assume I would pay her.
She didn't volunteer to do the invitations - she was asked.
Same deal - if I ASKED a stylist friend to cut my hair - I certainly would expect to pay her. "Sticking to the script" is easier when you have reading comprehension. Go back and read the OP all over again.
...and BTW, if a stylist friend had volunteered, I would still assume I would pay her.
No, she was asked and she agreed, which is tantamount to volunteering. She is not the victim here. Asking ain't getting.
If your stylist volunteered to cut your hair and no mention was made of a fee, I doubt seriously you would expect to be charged, nor would you be happy if she said later she would not do it. Stick to the script.
I seriously would! It's one thing to ask a friend to do something quick and easy but quite another to ask them for tangible services. I wouldn't expect an attorney friend to charge me for ten minutes of advice over a beer but I certainly would if he were to represent me and actually write letters or enter case filings. I wouldn't expect a mechanic friend to charge me to listen to my car making a noise and tell me what the problem might be but I would if he were to break out the tools and start changing parts.
No, she was asked and she agreed, which is tantamount to volunteering. She is not the victim here. Asking ain't getting.
Actually, I AM going to go to a stylist tomorrow. I will walk in and ask her to cut my hair. When she agrees, I am NOT going to assume she volunteered and not pay her.
I totally understand, but that's not the point. She agreed to do it. Her fault, not the person doing the asking. Had she said, "I would love to help, but my time is somewhat limited this summer," nobody would have thought badly of her. Now she's essentially saying, "Oh, you know that think I promised to help with? I just don't have the time." This tells the other person three things:
1) The OP makes promises she doesn't intend to keep.
2) The OP can't manage her time.
3) Mostly importantly of all, the person's project isn't all that important to her. After all, the OP has a couple of months to do this, so the protests that she doesn't have enough time is kind of a fig leaf. She could find the time if she really wanted. We're talking party invitations for Pete's sake.
As a writer, there have been times when you've been asked to work on things that might not necessarily add to your income statement. Maybe it was a pro-bono. Maybe it was a friend needing help on something. And, having been asked, did you suddenly blow it off a few weeks down the road? Probably not.
I had one business contact to whom I had steered a LOT of business. We're talking the guy had originally come to me hat-in-hand asking for work because he had lost his job and was in a bad way. I liked his work so I referred him to a number of people, for which I received his profuse thanks. We're talking tens of thousands in billings for this guy, really meaty projects that put food on his table. Fast forward a year and I call him and ask for his help on a modest pro-bono project for a homeless shelter. We're talking about something that would need to be done sometime over the next six weeks. We get a week into the project when I get an e-mail: "CPG, I'm really busy right now, and I certainly don't have time to do something for free." Yep. He said that.
Now, let's review. The guy had no work when he came to me. He had the wolf at the door, worrying about missing his mortgage payment. I stop what I'm doing to find work for him, work that immediately changes his life situation for the better. So when I ask for a small favor in return, suddenly he just doesn't have the inclination? Ask me now how I'll feel about referring more work his way.
The op didn't agree to donate a kidney and bail out while on the operating table. She shouldn't disrupt her own life for 6 weeks due to a quick, ill-considered 'yes' to an acquaintance who can easily have the service performed elsewhere.
Actually, I AM going to go to a stylist tomorrow. I will walk in and ask her to cut my hair. When she agrees, I am NOT going to assume she volunteered and not pay her.
That's a ridiculous analogy. You are going to a stylist's place of business, one where you have previously paid a professional to cut your hair. And, while you might get along with your stylist, she is neither a friend nor an acquaintance. After all, you didn't say, "I'm going to a friend's house to get my hair cut." Instead, you said, "I am going to a stylist."
Meanwhile, the OP actually did a similar favor to the woman in question in the past, agreed to repeat the favor again, and has even come up with a couple of designs in the intervening time.
So, yeah, your argument doesn't hold water.
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