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I have two people in my life (peripherally - these are not friends) who do this. I immediately change the subject once they start chiming in with advice. To something TOTALLY unrelated. As far afield as possible. The resulting confusion usually shuts them up long enough for me to get away from them. Plus it amuses the daylights out of me.
Every once in awhile, I do try challenging them. "So you WENT through this, right? You have PERSONAL experience with this, right? Oh NO? You don't?? Well then you really couldn't know firsthand, could you? Why in the world would I take advice for someone who doesn't really know anything about it?" it's kind of like winning a "point" or something for me when I can actually get THEM to admit that they really have NO experience with certain things and that they're talking out their hindquarters. Shuts them down pretty quick too. But it's not as much fun.
People also say I'm "mean", but I just don't see it.
First, you don't need experience to give advice. That's the same silly fallacy that people resort to when wishing presidents.
Second, if challenges you about why you haven't acted, come up with some teasing deflecting retorts, like "Mike, I already have a mother - I don't need another one."
I've had a few friends in my life who were exactly like that, and I couldn't stand it. It annoyed the hell out of me. The way I handled it with each of them was, every time they did it, I'd say, "Thanks, but i didn't ask that question."
Every time I did that, they became miffed and huffy, but they never got the point because people who do that are (in my experience) so totally self-absorbed they're just not capable of comprehending the possibility that someone might not be grateful for their advice. I just stopped being friends with each of them within a few months, and I have never missed a one of them.
Yes we know someone like this and when he calls my husband he'll think about it before answering and often just let it go to voice mail. There is no getting off the phone quickly with him. Just on and on about everything and he knows everything. I think the worst was when he got it into his head that we should rent out our guest house. We don't need or want someone living in our back yard, but he wouldn't take no for an answer, even called around and found a renter for us. Some guy we don't know. No way. I don't know how many times we had to say no before he stopped it. Just couldn't understand why we wouldn't take his expert advice.
Last edited by I love boots.; 06-20-2016 at 07:01 PM..
He's your friend.
If I were making my friend crazy by doing something entirely unnecessary that I could change, I would want to know before my friend got sick of me and just dumped me.
If he is someone whose friendship you value, it might be worth just confronting him about it nicely. Maybe try a bit of sarcasm and humor, such as "gee dad, thanks for the advice. Can I have permission to take the car out this weekend?" See if he picks up on it. If not, then be a bit firmer next time. Keep pressing until he gets the point.
If he is an otherwise decent person, and you both value the friendship, then you should eventually be able to work past this (after bringing it clearly to his attention).
If, however, he doesn't value the friendship as much as you do, and/or if this is a symptom of a deeper personality problem on his part, then you pressing the issue will likely end the friendship. Many people simply cannot tolerate their bad habits being challenged. They have entitlement issues and expect others to accommodate them, even for years and decades.
OP, your so called "friend" is a tool and a P.O.S.
I had a "friend" like this & they were so obnoxious that I completely dropped them & cut off all contact. After I did this, I felt like a great weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I then realized that I regretted ever being their "friend" in the first place.
Life is too short to have to put up with a-holes like this.
Last edited by The Big Lebowski Dude; 06-20-2016 at 06:35 PM..
Say, "That's kind of you, but I really don't need any advice on this subject."
Lather, rinse, repeat until he gets the message.
This. Short and sweet.
Quote:
Originally Posted by capitalhockey
One of my strategy was to treat him in a similar fashion for a short period of time....give him unsolicited advice on his life....follow-up when it's not done, etc. Maybe this way he will experience the same annoyance and the light bulb will be turned on. I am sure he would not like it. Maybe he doesn't know how it feels when someone is on the receiving end -- even if it's done with good intentions.
Some times I feel like he has way too much time on his hand being a single guy in his 30s. Just like an old aunt who is always in someone else business. Other times, I feel a sense of jealous from him since we both are at the same age and I am now married and about to start a family. If I called him out on that, he will definitely blow up.
Oh but you see that doesn't work with these types. Believe me, I know firsthand.....LOL.
You see they have a "Do as I say, not as I do" mentality. They actually see themselves above you, in fact they see themselves above everyone.
That's why they have to guide you in the right direction, but don't you dare do that to them.
The best thing is some distance, you're not going to change him.
I had two friends like this. It got annoying and I had to drop both of them (a husband and wife).
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