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This is an embarrassing topic for me to discuss but I'm at a loss as to what to do. I kinda feel like it's a taboo topic to discuss in person so i've decided to bring it up here where no one knows me.
So I've always been a person that has had typically around 2 or 3 friends, i've never been one to have umpteen different friends and be super social. What i've never had though is no friends which is pretty much the predicament that i've been put in now.
I had what I would call 'friends' right up to my 18th birthday and there after, these friends were gone though once I left 'high' school 2 years ago. I haven't made any since and haven't particularly been in any environment which allowed for such a thing to occur/prosper. I did join university last year but the country that I moved to is one where people are slightly reserved and would stick to themselves, I tried going to 5 different clubs and while there were people there that I talked with there was never anyone that I clicked with or felt like I would get on super well with, I also got the impression that a lot of people already had some sort of social circle and were only wanting to go to clubs for hobbies, I did notice that a lot of people in the clubs were in their late 20's rather than my age. I must also mention that my university is very big into drinking which was a problem for me as a non drinker. People in my classes also got into cliques very early and refused to accept 'newbies' into their groups later on in the months/year so that made it difficult to 'get in' with people.
I'm now 20 and live in a rural area. I've tried to get in contact with my old friends which hasn't worked, the impression I get is that they're bored of me and have an entirely different friendship circle now. It's a complete waste of time trying to resurrect that again because it wouldn't work. (Kinda glad it wouldn't work in the back of my mind as I was always arguing with these people near the end)
Anyway, it's mostly old people where I live and anyone that is my age already has a full blown social circle and thus doesn't want to be bothered. This is the difference between my teen years and now; people are not interested in forming new friends, when I was a teen people where more social and less closed off and less 'oh I don't have the time' or 'i'm busy' - truth being, they're not busy and would make the time for me if they were really interested.
This has been a struggle for me and something that is difficult to handle. I'm tired of sitting on my own and having no one to go anywhere with, I have tried to go to clubs/reconnect with people but it doesn't work. I have no idea what i'm supposed to do as a 20 year old male in a rural area. Where is a 20 year old supposed to go to meet friends, baring in mind most people have a circle and don't want friends?
I'm at the age now where most people are out having a great old time, it's pathetic that i'm sitting in my house day after day depressed, the only fun in my life is vacations with my family. Most people at this age have a very strong friendship circle and don't want to be bothered with new people. It is difficult for me to think of a positive outcome for this i.e a way for me to meet new people and be accepted into their 'group'. The simple fact is people don't want to be bothered at this age.
What on earth do I do?
Last edited by Giveandtake; 06-25-2016 at 04:56 AM..
I can only give my perspective of what this might mean if you are in the midwest states.
Rural areas are tough, you can be an outsider for a very long time. Time, and patience, attending church, or school, and having a local part time job.
If you are going to college, find events to attend and groups that do community projects. Look for a project that helps the area, you'll meet positive folks. Join them, volunteer. Help the unfortunate, it will be very good for your soul. Make friends with old people...don't limit yourself, friends come in all packages.
Hanging out at a coffee shops, and cafe's are a good way to slowly acclimate if you go routinely, like everyday after classes, someone will strike up a conversation.
Hanging in bars, unless they are having some sort of social would be my last resort, until you know the climate and maybe a couple of folks to nod your head at or hang out with. Rural doesn't mean you'll automatically be safe. Rural areas can have their bad elements just like an unknown urban area can.
Rural folks will travel to church fairs, community get togethers and you'll likely meet plenty if you start going to church.
hope these ideas help, be patient. If you are feeling depressed go talk to someone at your college campus, your advisor or student health and get some help ok. here are a few links that might help
This is an embarrassing topic for me to discuss but I'm at a loss as to what to do. I kinda feel like it's a taboo topic to discuss in person so i've decided to bring it up here where no one knows me.
So I've always been a person that has had typically around 2 or 3 friends, i've never been one to have umpteen different friends and be super social. What i've never had though is no friends which is pretty much the predicament that i've been put in now.
I had what I would call 'friends' right up to my 18th birthday and there after, these friends were gone though once I left 'high' school 2 years ago. I haven't made any since and haven't particularly been in any environment which allowed for such a thing to occur/prosper. I did join university last year but the country that I moved to is one where people are slightly reserved and would stick to themselves, I tried going to 5 different clubs and while there were people there that I talked with there was never anyone that I clicked with or felt like I would get on super well with, I also got the impression that a lot of people already had some sort of social circle and were only wanting to go to clubs for hobbies, I did notice that a lot of people in the clubs were in their late 20's rather than my age. I must also mention that my university is very big into drinking which was a problem for me as a non drinker. People in my classes also got into cliques very early and refused to accept 'newbies' into their groups later on in the months/year so that made it difficult to 'get in' with people.
I'm now 20 and live in a rural area. I've tried to get in contact with my old friends which hasn't worked, the impression I get is that they're bored of me and have an entirely different friendship circle now. It's a complete waste of time trying to resurrect that again because it wouldn't work. (Kinda glad it wouldn't work in the back of my mind as I was always arguing with these people near the end)
Anyway, it's mostly old people where I live and anyone that is my age already has a full blown social circle and thus doesn't want to be bothered. This is the difference between my teen years and now; people are not interested in forming new friends, when I was a teen people where more social and less closed off and less 'oh I don't have the time' or 'i'm busy' - truth being, they're not busy and would make the time for me if they were really interested.
This has been a struggle for me and something that is difficult to handle. I'm tired of sitting on my own and having no one to go anywhere with, I have tried to go to clubs/reconnect with people but it doesn't work. I have no idea what i'm supposed to do as a 20 year old male in a rural area. Where is a 20 year old supposed to go to meet friends, baring in mind most people have a circle and don't want friends?
I'm at the age now where most people are out having a great old time, it's pathetic that i'm sitting in my house day after day depressed, the only fun in my life is vacations with my family. Most people at this age have a very strong friendship circle and don't want to be bothered with new people. It is difficult for me to think of a positive outcome for this i.e a way for me to meet new people and be accepted into their 'group'. The simple fact is people don't want to be bothered at this age.
Making friends after high school is tough. You're no longer in an enclosed environment seeing one another day in and day out.
I know how a lot of people feel about Craigslist, but, you could try posting an ad on strictly platonic on posting something under the activities section. Is there one activity that you enjoy above all else? If so, someone else in your age bracket my enjoy it was well. Give it a shot. Another idea is to find a meetup group in your area. I know that living in a rural area, you may be forced to travel a bit for a meetup group of your interest. However, there is that possibility that others from your area are in the same predicament as well.
You might have to travel a bit. But you need be around other people. Volunteer, get a hobby, take classes.
Take a community college class or check on adult education at the local high school. Many high schools offer interesting adult ed night classes in "how to" do all sorts of hobbies. For example, I've given genealogy classes, a guy teaches knife making, a lady quilt making, there is a also photography class.
Volunteer for habitat for humanity, get a part time job locally just to meet people, look online for a travel group, volunteer to be a driver for senior citizens, get involved in your political party of choice., take up photography, start marathon running or small 3 k, 5k runs.
Join something - gardening/poetry/book club; reading to the elderly; volunteering at: soup kitchen, hospital gift shop, teens, big sister/brother, church;
take a class in something fun/interesting - dance, painting, yoga, archeology, etc.
find an activity group: hiking, bird-watching, ice-skating
We moved from a city to nowhere in the middle of farmland when we retired. We knew no one here. I did exactly what I described above - I joined a movement to promote animal welfare. I didn't know a soul at the meeting, but within a year I had made some good friends.
If you have a skill such as knitting/crocheting, make hats for babies in hospitals, prayer shawls for those in nursing homes. I make blankets for children in wheelchairs - for modesty issues and warmth - and some just for the colors to brighten their day - and donate them to the children's hospital.
There may be a Jaycee group in a nearby town. It is under 35 group of volunteers who do community projects. There are organizations like Rotary whose membership would transfer from town to town when you move All those old fraternal groups like Elks, Lions, Eagles, Masons have a similar fellowship.
He has also chosen to live alone at his university, and wants to do the same when/if he comes to the US for a year. It seems he, not location, is responsible for his loneliness.
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