Would leaving a baby at a doorstep be a bad idea? Would it make someone a bad mother? (guilty, member)
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Now, inevitably this hasn't happened to me, but I've been thinking a lot about something that happened with a good friend of mine back when we were teens, she got pregnant at 16-17 and even though he decided to keep it, around 8-9 months after she gave birth she totally lost it and kept on telling me how she wanted to give her daughter to someone who will give her the love she deserves and that for some reason she had trouble loving her the way her daughter deserved to be loved. So she was like "I think I'm going to leave her somewhere so they can take good care of her and love her like I should" and I remember recommending safe havens, but she told me she didn't want her child to go through the foster system. She could have just put the baby up for adoption... I think it's a relatively easy process.
I've never been pregnant and I don't have kids, but to this day I still can't understand how a mother who's carried a child for 9 months can just abandon it like that and simply "not love it". It was a long time ago but I still remember what she told me down to a T because it was so shocking and bizarre to me. I'd always had this perception that mothers love their children more than anyone else in the entire world. I may not exactly empathize because I've never been a teenage mother, but I really don't think I would have ever abandoned my child the way she did. In fact that's the reason why I cut ties with her. That and the fact my mother thought she was a terrible influence.
I don't even know why I'm thinking about this now, but I can't get it out of my head lately, I keep on thinking the baby is nearly 15 now and it creates this feeling of melancholy for some weird reason. Then I start feeing guilty for ditching my friend and start re-thinking everything. I even considered calling her but I don't know her number or where she lives so it's pretty much a dead end.
But I mean all in all what she did was wrong right? It isn't the right thing for a mother to do, so cutting ties with her shouldn't make me feel guilty. The fact she didn't love her child enough actually makes her sound quite psychopathic in my opinion. Maybe I should find a way to talk to her daughter to see how she's doing to get this whole thing out of my head and deal with my current issues.
Have you ever heard of the term postpartum depression?
How is abandoning your own child at a doorstep and not loving it enough ok to you? Regardless of whether she was suffering from postpartum depression or not, abandoning her own child at a doorstep was deplorable. Moderator cut: orphaned]
Last edited by Miss Blue; 06-28-2016 at 07:42 PM..
Reason: response to deleted portion of a quote
How is abandoning your own child at a doorstep and not loving it enough ok to you? Regardless of whether she was suffering from postpartum depression or not, abandoning her own child at a doorstep was deplorable. How was I supposed to remain friends with somebody who was that neglectful and uncaring towards their child?
So she just literally left the baby on a doorstep?
What did her parents say when you told them of their daughter's plan? How did the family react when her baby one day disappeared?
Postpartum depression is a real thing and it's a myth that mothers instantly love the baby they carry. Some do, but many don't. It's taboo to talk about feelings because we are supposed to feel nothing but motherhood bliss. However, many mothers don't feel that motherhood comes naturally to them, they feel scared, lost and overwhelmed with the responsibilities.
So she just literally left the baby on a doorstep?
What did her parents say when you told them of their daughter's plan? How did the family react when her baby one day disappeared?
Well, I didn't tell anyone anything, as soon as she told me I stopped speaking to her. It wasn't my business to tell anyone. Also, she was a foster kid so she switched homes a lot back in the day. I'm pretty sure that by that time she was in the independent living program though so as far as I can recall she was living by herself as an adult. Her life was super messed up, she never really had a stable family life. That's why my mom never liked her.
Postpartum depression is a real thing and it's a myth that mothers instantly love the baby they carry. Some do, but many don't. It's taboo to talk about feelings because we are supposed to feel nothing but motherhood bliss. However, many mothers don't feel that motherhood comes naturally to them, they feel scared, lost and overwhelmed with the responsibilities.
Your friend needs a good friend.
You love your child no matter what. You can't just abandon your baby and hope someone else will give it lots of love because you just "can't". A mother loves her child. No matter what. At least that's what I was brought up to think. Plus it happened nearly 15 years ago I'm sure she's moved on by now, a friend isn't really necessary for that purpose.
You love your child no matter what. You can't just abandon your baby and hope someone else will give it lots of love because you just "can't". A mother loves her child. No matter what. At least that's what I was brought up to think.
1) You admittedly have not experienced any of this firsthand, so you are not in a position to make any kind of pronouncements about motherhood.
2) Of course abandoning a child is not a good choice, but it sounds like this girl had a LOT of challenges and was not equipped to deal emotionally with ANY of it. What good does it do to debate her fitness as a mom???
You were teenagers, and she made the choices she made. As you go on with your life, you will learn that traumatic situations always seem easier to deal with when you aren't the one in the midst of the trauma.
You were very lucky to have a brain that works as it should, and to have been brought up by one set of parents who were able to teach you about things like love and family. Your friend didn't have either of these things.
Maybe she wanted to give the baby up because she actually did love it and knew someone else could do a way better job than she could. It's a common misperception that people give up their babies because they don't love them. There are plenty of adopted children out there who will tell you that they had a much better life because of the loving decision their birth parent made.
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