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Ok, I've never been close to my cousins. but since I was moving to their city I thought I'd see what was up.
So my mom talked with a couple of my cousins that live in the city that i moved too and said if they could keep in touch with me, since I would know nobody. They agreed. Also kept in contact with one of the cousins over the email every now and again.
Since I've moved to their city they've made no efforts to keep in touch with me and no effort to return my texts, or calls. Even though we all live in the same areas! They don't return phone calls, or text messages. I have not had an email from them in ages. If I do get one they only describe how their day is going and make excuses of how busy they are and then that is it. I will continue to call rarely to see what is up and leave messages and still no nothing. No returned phone calls nothing. My cousins are NOT lawyers, NOT medical doctors, NOT famous hollywood people either. So I am completely offended by all of this.
What makes me upset is that they had agreed to keep in touch, especially for this past holiday when I was invited over to their house by email. When I called nobody picked up the phone, nobody talked, nobody returned emails. Same problem for new years etc.
Well Art, I don't know you, but you seem to be one of those folks who has trouble with other people no matter where you're at. I don't say that to be mean. I say it based on your past posts. Sometimes, though, we ALL find that when all things are considered, our own families are the people we can count on the LEAST. Aren't you a college student? Are you in a new school, now that you've moved? If so, it will take some time to make new friends. My suggestion is that you don't attempt to have a big wide circle of friends, just try to befriend a couple of people to hang out with. I realize your question was about family members. Who knows why they act as if you don't exist. I say, don't depend on them, because you have already seen that you cannot. Just be yourself, and realize that not everyone will like you, or agree with you. It's really pretty much that way for ALL of us. If this is getting you down, then try working more hours if you can. At work, you interact with other people, and these people know other people, and next thing you know, you got a few new people in your circle. You said in other posts, you were seeing a counseler. I'm not convinced you really need all that. I think you just need to work on your social skills, and on bolstering your confidence upon meeting new people. Lots of good books on these subjects. I think you should read some of them, and try some of what they suggest. You will probably surprize youself with the results. Of course, nothing worthwhile is ever an over-night type thing. This will probably be my only post to your thread, because I am on some very long hours at work right now. In fact, I gotta leave for work in just a little while here tonight. But, THINK about these things I have suggested. After all, what do you have to lose? Good luck to you!
Okay.. first of all, I laughed at part of your comment. Like those that have relatives that are lawyers, doctors or famous are to expected to have those relatives ignore them???
Actually, the way it works is, no matter what proffesion they have, if they're a self-centered/ self-absorbed person, than that's what they are. No matter how they make their money.
Sounds to me like your relatives fit into the self-centered catagory. Sad as it is, 'cuz I'm a big proponent of family, but I'd quit trying to get a realtionship of any kind going with them. Sounds to me like they've made it perfectly clear that getting to know you, etc. isn't high on their priority list.
I have the same problems with my cousins. Its gotten to the point where I don't bother calling them or trying to contact them. I'll see all of them at the next family funeral I'm sure.
So my mom talked with a couple of my cousins that live in the city that i moved too and said if they could keep in touch with me, since I would know nobody. They agreed. ..What makes me upset is that they had agreed to keep in touch, especially for this past holiday when I was invited over to their house by email.
I hate to say it, but I have to think they were just being polite when your mom asked them to keep in touch. It really is unkind of them, but what can you do? I would just forget them for right now, and focus on building new relationships with new friends.
Well Art, I don't know you, but you seem to be one of those folks who has trouble with other people no matter where you're at. I don't say that to be mean. I say it based on your past posts. Sometimes, though, we ALL find that when all things are considered, our own families are the people we can count on the LEAST. Aren't you a college student? Are you in a new school, now that you've moved? If so, it will take some time to make new friends. My suggestion is that you don't attempt to have a big wide circle of friends, just try to befriend a couple of people to hang out with. I realize your question was about family members. Who knows why they act as if you don't exist. I say, don't depend on them, because you have already seen that you cannot. Just be yourself, and realize that not everyone will like you, or agree with you. It's really pretty much that way for ALL of us. If this is getting you down, then try working more hours if you can. At work, you interact with other people, and these people know other people, and next thing you know, you got a few new people in your circle. You said in other posts, you were seeing a counseler. I'm not convinced you really need all that. I think you just need to work on your social skills, and on bolstering your confidence upon meeting new people. Lots of good books on these subjects. I think you should read some of them, and try some of what they suggest. You will probably surprize youself with the results. Of course, nothing worthwhile is ever an over-night type thing. This will probably be my only post to your thread, because I am on some very long hours at work right now. In fact, I gotta leave for work in just a little while here tonight. But, THINK about these things I have suggested. After all, what do you have to lose? Good luck to you!
I agree with Dennis, I think he's giving you very good advise.
Ok, I've never been close to my cousins. but since I was moving to their city I thought I'd see what was up.
So my mom talked with a couple of my cousins that live in the city that i moved too and said if they could keep in touch with me, since I would know nobody. They agreed. Also kept in contact with one of the cousins over the email every now and again.
Since I've moved to their city they've made no efforts to keep in touch with me and no effort to return my texts, or calls. Even though we all live in the same areas! They don't return phone calls, or text messages. I have not had an email from them in ages. If I do get one they only describe how their day is going and make excuses of how busy they are and then that is it. I will continue to call rarely to see what is up and leave messages and still no nothing. No returned phone calls nothing. My cousins are NOT lawyers, NOT medical doctors, NOT famous hollywood people either. So I am completely offended by all of this.
What makes me upset is that they had agreed to keep in touch, especially for this past holiday when I was invited over to their house by email. When I called nobody picked up the phone, nobody talked, nobody returned emails. Same problem for new years etc.
Any ideas? what in the world is going on ?
Forget them, they aren't interested in anything but their own lives, and you'll be a lot happier with no expectations.
We moved to this area because DH needed to be closer to medical care and his brother lives here. His brother lives maybe half a mile away, and passes the house every day going to and from work. In the 8 years we'd been here, I could count on my fingers how many times he visited and still have some left over. Last fall, DH died after being bed-ridden for a year. Never called, never came by - he was sooo surprised when it finally happened! I have no idea why he was surprised, I lost count of how many messages I left telling him what was going on. After DH died, I asked him if I could borrow [note that borrow, not have] the money for a cremation for a month, because I knew I had a check coming. He said no, his SO said they couldn't afford it - and they do have $$, he has a very good income. A couple weeks later, he had a wake at his house, which turned into the usual Saturday afternoon college football hoopla, and I got a lot of dirty looks and comments from various of his friends for 'intruding on his time of sorrow' - excuse me? He lost a brother he couldn't be bothered to visit, I lost a husband I loved and took care of! He hasn't called once since then to see if I need anything. As far as I'm concerned, he's history and good riddance. I don't need anyone like that in my life.
I have the same problems with my cousins. Its gotten to the point where I don't bother calling them or trying to contact them. I'll see all of them at the next family funeral I'm sure.
Well artsyguy--I'm going to suggest that you not text, e-mail, or call your cousins for a period of a month or so. After that, just send a non committal e-mail and if they don't respond, well...not much you can do about it. Continue to make friends of your own.
I have a lot of cousins and as we grew up and went our different ways we lost contact--life happens. But we're slowing coming back together as a group.
I have the same problems with my cousins. Its gotten to the point where I don't bother calling them or trying to contact them. I'll see all of them at the next family funeral I'm sure.
LOL... ain't that the truth! http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y164/canibeyou/clap.gif (broken link)
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