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Hey, it's not fair. But it's a complete no-win situation for you to complain or even to bring it up.
I agree: This is an unwinnable battle.
Sometimes parents favor the "loser" child because it makes them feel needed. They don't know what to do with themselves after the kids leave home.
You went to school, you have a good career, what do you need them for? You're self-sufficient.
Drop the inheritance battle. Drop it now and hope they forget quickly. Then try to figure out ways you can make your parents feel they are a necessary and valued part of your life. And never bring up the bro issue again.
I think I get worked up about this not because I want anyone's money - I don't. But my #1 pet peeve has always been freeloaders. For whatever reason it just gets me riled up. This is not unique to my brother. I can't stand freeloading...whether it is a friend or the morons who milked the system during the housing crisis - spent their home equity on lavish vacations and cars and then started crying like babies when they were losing their homes. Can't stand it. But what is worse is when these losers get support and handouts like they are deserving of help...my view on it is that THEY don't deserve nothing but a firm kick in their ass. That is the only thing they deserve. No sympathy from me.
But to address this issue here, that is my concern yes. The money my parents have is limited and I don't want them to be manipulated by my brother to give it all to him slow and steady in the next few years so that he can waste it on his luxuries without working a fulltime job!! If my parents get into trouble then I will be left with the responsibility of financially taking care of them and I would be absolutely livid.
This last sentence here is a legitimate concern. If there is reason to worry about them because your brother may leave them with not enough in their golden years I don't blame you for being upset. Parents get older, their thinking changes and sometimes they can be left vulnerable to being taken advantage of.
Your situation sounds very familiar to my own. I had to come to the realization that all I can do I count on my own money. There are a million threads on here with stories just like this. Nothing ever gets divided up evenly. In my family, my sister does it and my mom worries more about her then anyone else. As long as I know I don't have to worry about my parents finances(and I know I don't) I don't worry about anything else. I plan on getting cheated as far as inheritance. I've made peace with that. As long as I know they have enough I don't worry about everything my sister pretended to borrow and didn't pay back. It isn't my money to be claiming. Concern about them and a reduction in their quality of life due to your brother taking is a different matter.
Just want to point out that these are separate issues. There is reason to be concerned if siblings are leaving parents with nothing.
what do you think of this situation. My older brother and me are radically different. He has been helped multiple times financially by my parents, completely irresponsible with money, squandered his savings most of his life, is currently living on the edge on credit cards etc., has filed bankruptcy once before and heading in that direction again, has an aunt that keeps enabling him by giving him money here and there, makes terrible financial decisions (as a recent example - even though he is broke he financed a $30k pre-owned Lexus and then within 2 months decided the payments were too high and sold it for a $2k loss then promptly claimed - oh did not lose too much, only $2k )
Me, I have always been very responsible with money, have a sizeable nest egg from saving and not making impulsive decisions, living way below my means etc. etc. I also have ridiculously good credit and have never paid any bills late in my life.
Ironically my brother is also somewhat of a braggart and always claims to have incredibly good financial acumen which is a joke!
Now comes the topic of inheritance - to give some background decades ago my dad already helped my brother to the tune of $20-30k for his education when he was just out of high school, instead of finishing that degree he abandoned it at year #2 and went on a different path effectively wasting my dad's money.
My dad has also helped me right out of high school to a similar amount but I earned my degree and have been employed in my field very successfully for almost 2 decades.
So, my bro a few years ago went back to school at the age of 46 to get another degree (because he is always switching careers and not sure what he wants to do)... somehow he managed to convince my dad to give him $70k towards his expenses. He dragged on his degree for longer than necessary adding to the total tab.
I was discussing that my dad should take that into consideration when deciding his inheritance to which my bro got very defensive and said that he has been unlucky in life and deserves a break and my dad helping him is an educational expense and should be considered a gift.
I know what my dad wants to do with his money is his business but from the standpoint of parents being fair between children what do you think is the right thing for my parents to do? I am of the opinion that the $70k should be deducted from whatever my dad leaves for us eventually OR my bro should be required to pay it back (which seems extremely unlikely as my bro has zero savings).
What irks me is my bro's entitlement attitude, his continued financially irresponsible behavior (he still goes to starbucks when he has debt and now wants to keep his old car for "sentimental reasons" while still buying a another one). He is also the type who constantly has "self pity" and complains about all the bad luck that has been doled to him in his life while apparently my success was due to my "good luck", of course he does not believe my good choices had anything to do with it because he has convinced himself that he makes excellent choices as well. Ridiculous!
1. Why did you bring up the subject while your brother was in the room?
2. You missed your chance to say, "Once or twice might be considered unlucky. After decades of this, it's time to take responsibility for your choices."
it's not a question of my parent's business to do what they want... it's a question of playing favorites between children which in my opinion in definitely not cool. Clearly they can do that if they choose, but then I also have the right to have an adverse opinion on it. And it irks me more if they are enabling someone who has shown irresponsible behavior!
To be clear, it is not me who is expecting anything from anyone, if my parents give it all to charity I will be thrilled. I have made my own money. What I have an issue with is doling out more money to an entitled spoiled brat. As I said just because they are free to do that does not mean I have to think what they are doing is cool, it is totally not cool. Infact, it is totally awful.
I will say I have seen your situation before and I have a similar situation brewing:
1. Mom dies, has 5 kids. One son is a multi-millionaire CEO. Mom decides her 4 other kids were less fortunate and actually planned to divide her 400K estate between the other kids since son #1 doesn't need it. Luckily the 4 kids talked her out of that idea as it would have crushed the #1 son to be disinherited. Keep in mind, older folks aren't always rational when "planning the end."
2. Dad has an 8 million dollar estate, 4 kids. 2 kids tell pops that "we don't need the money" and set up trusts for their children. The two daughters essentially drain the estate while the old guy is in a nursing home. Money used for kids college, daily living expenses, house remodels etc. Old guy dies and the 2 daughters are "stunned" to find that their 4 million dollars has been just about spent. They took their share "in advance" over about a 10 year period and somehow thought the remainder of the estate (the other 4 million) was going to be split 4 ways.......it was not. Old guy was in a home so they thought their spending was going on unnoticed but didn't realized the remaining estate money was removed to fund grandchildren trusts a decade before.
3. In a situation closer to home.....4 kids. 2 of which literally have their hands in mom's pocket to this day (mid-30's and early 40's). The other 2 have been financially independent since 18-22. Will it be a 4 way split.....probably. Should it be......absolutely not.
The worst part to me is squandering of an estate that took a generation to build. Large or small it won't last long for those who didn't earn it especially with today's low rates of return and high costs things purchased.
I could never, ever imagine bringing up inheritance, let alone suggesting what someone should do with their will. So far out of orbit on this one. Right or not, it isn't your money! Dad has the right to be buried with it if he wants or donate it to one eyed pigeon rescue org if he wants.
Repeat after me "I will never bring it up again, it isn't my money".
it's not a question of my parent's business to do what they want... it's a question of playing favorites between children which in my opinion in definitely not cool. Clearly they can do that if they choose, but then I also have the right to have an adverse opinion on it. And it irks me more if they are enabling someone who has shown irresponsible behavior!
To be clear, it is not me who is expecting anything from anyone, if my parents give it all to charity I will be thrilled. I have made my own money. What I have an issue with is doling out more money to an entitled spoiled brat. As I said just because they are free to do that does not mean I have to think what they are doing is cool, it is totally not cool. Infact, it is totally awful.
It really is not your business. Sounds like your parents would have helped you if you needed it too. They paid for your college too...are you paying it back, like you expect your brother to do?
Sounds like you are way to involved in your brothers business. And you are acting "entitled" so your calling your brother entitled is ludicrous.
1. Why did you bring up the subject while your brother was in the room?
2. You missed your chance to say, "Once or twice might be considered unlucky. After decades of this, it's time to take responsibility for your choices."
Yep. That sure would have made it better. The brother would have smacked his forehead like this and said, "You're right! I am a total idiot. I apologize to everyone in this room for my decades of screw ups!" That would totally happen.
If i was in your shoes, would just be thankful to be more successful and independent than my deadbeat sibling. You can't inherit self respect and a good life. While your brother blows through his inheritance, you can save and invest yours.
We talk about will issues too...just far enough to who is going to be the executor and anything major (like who will care for our minor children). Not money. Its just a petty conversation. My inlaws are well off and I expect nothing from them. I hope they plan it just right so that they spend every cent they worked hard for, or at least donate the rest to a charity close to their heart.
Sounds like your parents would have helped you if you needed it too.
Actually not. I was discussing this with my ex girlfriend and she was so livid about my bro getting all this money she demanded I ask my dad for help with downpayment for a house that we wanted to buy together. I did not go through with asking my dad but I doubt he would've helped.
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