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Sounds to me like she's suddenly popped up because she wants something. And anybody who can't understand why someone else can't squander two grand for a trip either has too much money of her own or is too self-absorbed. This is a crappy time and way for her to come around after all these years. And, besides, now that she doesn't have her man in the picture now gives her time for you?
Something really doesn't sound right. Blow it off.
Well we have been in constant contact via email, I used to call but it was always me calling so I stopped back around May 2015. Out of the blue in April she called me and left a VM about her break up.
She is very self absorbed. Her emails will detail her weekend plans, than next week how the weekend went. Never asking really what your plans are. I have said things in the past like "I'm fine thanks for asking"....LOL. But it reverts back to the same. For example, before the 4th of July she sent a 4 paragraph email and talked about what she was doing for the long weekend, never said "and what are your plans?".
No More Snow touched upon maybe she was viewing me as her wedding date. That could be it, but that was never mentioned by her.
[quote=RamenAddict;44778284]This whole situation seems very bizarre to me. I see you got the wedding email in January, but did you ever get a real invitation? It seems odd it would just be assumed you are attending when you haven't even gotten an official invitation and RSVPed. Is it still too far in advance for the real invite to be sent out? I know they're usually sent out not too far in advance but for cross-country guests the plans may need to be made more than 6 weeks ahead of time.
People can get crazy when it comes to weddings. I had a friend like that once. She sent me a save-the-date for a destination wedding 12+ hours from me and I told her I would not be able to attend due to the distance and cost. She then got annoyed with me for not sending my address for the actual invite, even though I got the save the date just fine and had not indicated to her that I'd moved. During the interim, all she'd talk about was the wedding and prior to the engagement, all she'd talk about was how her boyfriend was a deadbeat. Needless to say, it was time for us to end that friendship of over a decade.
I feel like people have to realize that there's something other than their wedding or their children's weddings. You can't just expect us to drop everything for them.[/QUOTE]
Yes, I got the actual printed invite in late May, the cutoff date to RSVP was 7/31. The wedding is in late August. I sent it back to the daughter on 7/5. I emailed my friend about the cost and said I would send them a card and a gift card.
Yes, I agree. I realize it is a big day for them, this couple has been living together for 5 years, my friend was also very annoyed that the ex-husband (father of the bride) isn't paying for the wedding. He told them a couple of years ago he wouldn't because they have been living together(not a moral judgement he and my friend lived together) but he wouldn't do it, this is a big formal wedding.
But people should understand and be gracious. In all these months she never asked about if I could come, or even said anything about the distance.
To the poster who asked about the airport. The wedding location is more than 2 hours outside of Boston. So it's not like you could get a taxi or Uber, you would have to rent a car.
An old friend you see every 7 years is asking/demanding a bit much. She may not realize your friendship has evolved and you disrupting your life and spending 2000 on an event you aren't really interested in is too much. You have legit reasons for not wanting to go.
Be honest with her. You are financially and emotionally not up to a cross country trip but appreciate the invitation.
Being an 'extra' at a social event is never fun.
But I was, I said it's too much money. I could swing it, but I can't justify $2,000 and probably more for a long weekend that entails sitting on a plane for most of the day, than a few days later doing the reverse. I did say I'm disappointed.
She is acting like a 15 year old whose mother said no to a Lady Gaga concert.
I think when someone says it's too costly, the correct response is "I understand, it's a long trip and expensive, sorry you can't make it". Not get an attitude.
And will the craziness going on in our country right now, I don't feel like wandering too far from home.
You're right, the only people I will know at the wedding our my friend, her son, the daughter(bride), ex-husband and friend's mom. Of course they will be busy, we all know how hectic weddings are.
An old friend you see every 7 years is asking/demanding a bit much. She may not realize your friendship has evolved and you disrupting your life and spending 2000 on an event you aren't really interested in is too much. You have legit reasons for not wanting to go.
I think so.
She is one of these people who has one set of rules for herself and one for everyone else.
Several months ago she got a wedding invite for her cousin's son. Now she is in MA and it was in MA. She didn't go or send a gift and said she hadn't seen him in years, so why go....LOL. Her mother, sister, and brother all went.
Yet I'm supposed to come from CA, but it's OK for her not to go to a wedding that's an hour away.
Yes, I got the actual printed invite in late May, the cutoff date to RSVP was 7/31. The wedding is in late August. I sent it back to the daughter on 7/5. I emailed my friend about the cost and said I would send them a card and a gift card.
But people should understand and be gracious. The wedding location is more than 2 hours outside of Boston. So it's not like you could get a taxi or Uber, you would have to rent a car.
Oh good grief. Now with those details filled in - what more were you supposed to do? She needs to get over herself.
Oh good grief. Now with those details filled in - what more were you supposed to do? She needs to get over herself.
I guess come to the wedding regardless....LOL. As I said earlier she has a strong personality and likes things her way, but the way she is reacting is like I live 30 miles away, and not 3,000 miles away.
I understand the reasoning behind inviting the parents' friends to the wedding - they have more money (read: expensive present) than the couple's friends. (usually) But in that case, it should be those friends with whom one has recent history.
When I was working, I received invitations to the weddings of the children of my co-workers! WTH? I sent regrets. When my sons were married, it never occurred to us to invite people they didn't know and some of my co-workers were miffed that they weren't invited. Again, WTH?
If you'd like to continue to have an e-mail/occasional voice call relationship with this woman, fine. Keep it arm's-length. If you see through this ridiculous invitation for what it is, a gift-grab, write her off, save your money and buy yourself a nice gift.
This is a crazy expectation no matter what your financial circumstances are. Send your regrets without another thought.
If you want to spend that amount of time & money, take a vacation where you want to go & do what you want your do.
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