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Of course you should do it in person - anything else would be rude. And if you don't want a big scene, then just introduce it more casually into the conversation when you're spending an evening together, instead of making a big deal of announcing it.
I'm not sure if I should "come out" to my closest friends in person or over the phone or if I should just email them, because I doubt they will think it's a big deal. I don't want to make a big scene over something when it might be necessary, and make them feel uncomfortable or awkward.
Your friends might already suspect if they truly know you. I would do it in person. This isn't email type stuff here.
All my friends are liberal and wouldn't me being interested in men (which I am, and they are aware of that), but I am coming out as transgender. Actually all my close friends but one, I've talked to a little about for the past few years, but I really feel like I need to this change to be happy. I really feel unhappy being a man, as weird as it sounds. I just feel so uncomfortable adapting to the male gender role. I've always worn my hair long because haircuts make me feel uneasy. It's so hard to explain my feelings but they make sense to me.
If you feel the need to talk to friends in person about being transgender, then do so. If you would rather sent emails, then do so. I don't think you will be making a faux paus whichever you do.
But if you do this in person with, say three friends, you will get a chance to feel their support for you, and you will get a chance to answer questions. (One hope the questions would be in good taste.) I think you would be happiest speaking to your closest friends in person.
If they are your closest friends, then I can almost guarantee you that they already know or suspect, but haven't said anything out of respect for you.
My SIL was very nervous about my niece showing up at a family gathering with her partner, to the point of calling us to tell us that Niece was coming with her Partner, and yes, they knew, and yes they were supportive. To which my answer was, "Good lord, SIL, she announced it on FB five years ago . . . who cares?"
I guess my question is: Why does revealing a sexual preference require a public announcement? I've never really understood that. I don't mean to imply that it should be hidden, because I don't. I mean, heterosexuals don't walk around announcing that they prefer the opposite sex. It's just a non-event, and it seems like public announcements make what is, ultimately, a private expression of sexuality into a public event. Do you think people you care about and who care about you will suddenly decide to treat your differently if they know your sexual preference? I'd think that most people would get the hint when you started showing up with a boyfriend/girlfriend of the same sex. And either they'd be shocked, or they'd be cool with it.
The announcement may become less and less important in the future. At least in the past the VERY strong assumption is that pretty much everyone is straight so few people might even be thinking that an individual would be gay. So of course if the assumption is that you're straight...and lo and behold you ARE straight, no announcement is needed. Yes, that WOULD be a non-event. It should not negate a person's need to make their orientation (that's more PC than preference which sounds like you "decided" to be attracted to a certain gender) clear to whoever they wish if they think some are thinking incorrectly.
All my friends are liberal and wouldn't me being interested in men (which I am, and they are aware of that), but I am coming out as transgender. Actually all my close friends but one, I've talked to a little about for the past few years, but I really feel like I need to this change to be happy. I really feel unhappy being a man, as weird as it sounds. I just feel so uncomfortable adapting to the male gender role. I've always worn my hair long because haircuts make me feel uneasy. It's so hard to explain my feelings but they make sense to me.
I don't think you're required to do it in person. If I were your friend, I'd want you to do it in whatever way was most comfortable for you.
I feel the same way.
I have no idea why bedroom preferences require an announcement for same sex couples..
As passive aggressive as this comment is, I'll take the bait and respond. It's much more than "bedroom preferences". It's someone's life, who they will share it with and it ultimately involves their loved ones. It is expected that someone is heterosexual, so of course there is no need to announce that. Since homosexuality is not the default, those in someone's life should be told. Hell, wouldn't it be weird to just bring a same sex partner to Christmas dinner without a quick, "hey, I'm gay" beforehand?
I hope others aren't so dense to think that this announcement is simply some sexual fetish one is bringing to the forefront.
Unless you really have this need for drama in your life, here's how it should go.
You're having dinner and drinks with friends.
YOU: "By the way, I'm gay."
FRIEND: "Cool. What took you so long?"
FRIEND2: "That's nice. Okay, what's everybody having for dinner? I'm starving."
I'd say many people come out for themselves...to publicly acknowledge something that some people know and that some don't. Just because some people already "figured it out" doesn't negate the need or desire for them to formally come out. It does seem a bit rude to just shrug off something that might be emotional for them but that's how some people are, I guess - they so want to be cool with it that they don't even react.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dblackga
I guess my question is: Why does revealing a sexual preference require a public announcement? I've never really understood that. I don't mean to imply that it should be hidden, because I don't. I mean, heterosexuals don't walk around announcing that they prefer the opposite sex. It's just a non-event, and it seems like public announcements make what is, ultimately, a private expression of sexuality into a public event. Do you think people you care about and who care about you will suddenly decide to treat your differently if they know your sexual preference? I'd think that most people would get the hint when you started showing up with a boyfriend/girlfriend of the same sex. And either they'd be shocked, or they'd be cool with it.
Exactly! Just like when I have to tell someone my race or gender, because they can't see it by looking at me, unlike sexual orientation which is as clear as day and easy to see Unless you've actually been in the situation, you ought not to make assumptions.
To the OP: I think that depends on your friends and how they'll take it. I'm not transgender, but if I were to undergo that transition I'd have to size up each person before asking for their support. When I came out to a close friend, it was in person. When I came out to my mom, it was by a personal letter. That was then. If I were now to come as trans (basically becoming a heterosexual woman), I'd tell both to their faces because they've had time to adjust and I've learned through discussion where they stand on issues. In reference to the person I quoted, it's not an easy decision and I loathe when heterosexuals tell me how I should feel when they can't understand or relate. My approach would be to probe the subject with them and see where they stand, because you'd be surprised how many people identify as liberal or conservative and have unorthodox views associated with those stances. My parents are tolerant of LGBT people and are conservative, while a coworker identifies as a die-hard liberal yet is pretty homophobic and very intolerant of trans people. If you think they'll take it well, tell them either in person or through a written letter. I think an email or text is way too impersonal. I hope for the best in your situation and that you find happiness as you grow into the person you want to be.
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Unless you've actually been in the situation, you ought not to make assumptions.
