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Old 07-26-2016, 11:51 AM
 
Location: Athol, Idaho
2,182 posts, read 1,622,789 times
Reputation: 3219

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Quote:
Originally Posted by monkey momma View Post
She has always felt that I have had it easy in life and never had to struggle, especially financially. I will admit that my hubby and I are very fortunate financially, but that wasn't always the case. She seems to forget that part of things. And just because you are comfortable financially doesn't mean that things are all wonderful and no issues in a person's life.


I do walk on eggshells with her and end up with headaches after being with her, even if I am only there for a day. I try not to let her get to me, but it doesn't always work.


Thank you all for your thoughts and ideas. I do appreciate the support.
I have a sister something like this too though I think yours sounds worse and more like a bully. My sister thinks nothing is her fault and my good life was by accident. As if no one has any responsibility for ending up where they are. I think people make most of their own problems.
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Old 07-26-2016, 12:53 PM
 
16,235 posts, read 25,150,354 times
Reputation: 27047
I am sorry that you are going through this. It's too bad that your Mom, or your Dad now won't put a stop to it.

I have 5 adult children. I constantly remind them that they are each others family, no matter what to they all need to try to remain close. I do this because I was raised by a Mom who cut off family and friends at the drop of a hat over anything she perceived as a slight. It was very hurtful, and still is in some ways as I have no extended family that I was able to remain close with growing up.

I feel for you and your children. I think that you should do some research for some coping tips, and as the other poster suggested, bend over backwards to act nice...it takes 2 to argue....and if you can learn to ignore her nastiness, she will out herself to all....all by herself. And you will look and feel less harassed, because you'll stay focused on what's important, spending time with loved ones.

It may be the hardest thing that you ever do. But, if you can get a routine down....ignore all slights....even develop a mantra....I love my sister.....it can change how you internalize those feelings.

Also, do a bit of research on probate laws. I do not believe that your sister can just start living fulltime in the lake home you'll all inherit. Legally she'll only own a third....know your rights about that.

I've added a few links re: coping with toxic siblings. Hopefully there will be something that will help you deal with this person.

I want to encourage you to go visit your Dad whenever you like...Do not let her run you off, she is terribly wrong to try to do this....I hope that you'll eventually reframe her ability to intimidate you, into your feeling sorry for her. Because truly, anyone that behaves this ugly is not a happy person. She seems to actually be insecure and scared and afraid of being left out, and she is a controlling personality...just more insecurity.

Hone your relationship with Stacy, and her children...spend time as you can, call and just try to stay consistent. "The truth will out" that old saying applies here. Obviously folks deal with her by coping with her personality.

Hoping things get better for you. Stay the course.


12 Ways to Deal With A Toxic Family/Family Member. | elephant journal
How To Deal With Toxic People In Your Life
https://www.berkeleyparentsnetwork.o.../adultsiblings
10 Things to Remember About Toxic Family Members
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Old 07-26-2016, 01:35 PM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
16,077 posts, read 28,499,902 times
Reputation: 18189
Quote:
Originally Posted by ss20ts View Post
Can you PLEASE explain this to my mother??? Yes, my husband makes a decent living. We have a small house and a really nice vehicle. We do not live in a mansion. Don't drive BMW's or Maserati's. We take vacations and rent small cabins. We don't have children so we can spend our money on us. She has this strange idea that we're in the 1% and are millionaires! Just because you make a decent living doesn't mean you don't have financial issues. It's been a year and we're still paying on my husband's 2 ER visits from last summer. I now know how there are so many medically bankrupt people out there!
I read these family stories and reflect; and as irritating as I know it is, unless your mothers delusional , I suspect she knows you're not in the 1% of millionaires. Maybe it comes from envy of your free time and a vacation or two.
When you see the bottom line and truth behind it, very sad a parent would feel this way, but it does happen.
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Old 07-26-2016, 10:53 PM
 
9,229 posts, read 8,521,006 times
Reputation: 14765
Quote:
Originally Posted by monkey momma View Post
I don't know what to do any more and I am sick of not being able to see my dad and Stacy and her kids without Julie involved. Any ideas?? I feel like my relationship with my family is becoming non-existent.
This sounds like a very hard thing for you to face, but I think you should face it head on. Don't react to Julie's sarcasm, but ask her in an even tone what she meant by it. Keep your head, and don't let her get to you -- stay on the high ground.

Start making your own memories with your dad and your other sister, and live your life. If Julie cannot treat you as a loving sister, then just ignore her rudeness and see only your other family members. Always be kind and polite, and never lower yourself to her childish level. Apparently she thinks she is competing with you, but you don't have to play her games.

You can pick your friends, but not your family. Just treat her as you would treat a stranger -- with distant respect.
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Old 07-26-2016, 11:47 PM
 
2,700 posts, read 4,925,784 times
Reputation: 4577
Sounds like it is time to tell Julie **** and GTF out of my face.....
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Old 07-27-2016, 08:12 AM
 
6,809 posts, read 10,474,804 times
Reputation: 8314
You should reflect on your own role in the negativity of the relationship - whatever you might have contributed to that. If you fix your contribution to it, the relationship may have the possibility of improving. Honestly, it sounds like some jealousy is possibly affecting how you view things and how you interact with family.

If you want to spend time alone with your father, then you need to not play games and you need to tell him that. You need to call him up and say, "Dad, I'd like some one-on-one time with you. Would you like to do x with me? Or is there a time I could come over and play a board game with you etc.?" You will do best to not make this about the sibling you struggle with and take ownership of the relationship with your family members and do the work of building those the way you want without making excuses because of the sibling.
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Old 07-27-2016, 05:27 PM
 
97 posts, read 89,660 times
Reputation: 94
Can you just ignore her?
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Old 07-28-2016, 08:02 AM
 
Location: Honolulu, Hawaii
18 posts, read 13,940 times
Reputation: 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by otowi View Post
You should reflect on your own role in the negativity of the relationship - whatever you might have contributed to that. If you fix your contribution to it, the relationship may have the possibility of improving. Honestly, it sounds like some jealousy is possibly affecting how you view things and how you interact with family.

If you want to spend time alone with your father, then you need to not play games and you need to tell him that. You need to call him up and say, "Dad, I'd like some one-on-one time with you. Would you like to do x with me? Or is there a time I could come over and play a board game with you etc.?" You will do best to not make this about the sibling you struggle with and take ownership of the relationship with your family members and do the work of building those the way you want without making excuses because of the sibling.


I know in the past I haven't always taken the high road, but in the past year or so I have been or trying my best to do this and not get into negative ways with her. I have apologized for the things I have done in the past to her. Am I jealous, yes, I miss my family, but I also try to look at the bigger picture and not let those feelings rule my decisions. I try to get together when I can with them, when there are family things going on I always invite them all, I never leave her out, even though that is not reciprocated. I also try to do things with just my dad and/or sister when I can. I do not bad mouth my sister to any family members, nor do I leave her out of activities or family plans when every one else is invited.
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Old 07-28-2016, 09:09 AM
 
4 posts, read 2,911 times
Reputation: 10
Hallo, i can relate with u well now i live in the Netherlands and im not so close with my sister. i tried tho but you cant forse something that isnt there. Now i live with my parents and my little brother, cause im still 20 years old. My sis is married and lives in another city but still i cant tell her everything. I can with my brother and dad tho and my bestfriend. I hope you ll work it out tho, it would be nice
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