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We have our youngest of six still living with us. He is in his last year of college. He works a part time job that works around his school schedule which means he may only work one shift a week. Our philosophy on adult children living at home is this: If you are going to school full time then we want you to focus on your studies and get the best grades you can. While in school we pay for his school expenses (whatever is not covered by his merit scholarship), cell phone service (he paid for his own Iphone), his car expenses, feed and clothe him, and pay for all necessities. If he wants to go out with friends, eat out, buy clothes or items that are not necessities, etc.; then he uses his part time job wages to pay for that. He also has household responsibilities (chores) that are required of him. During summer break he is required to work as close to full time as possible. He pays for the gas in the car and 1/2 of the repair and maintenance so he can transport himself to work or to his social engagements. These are not associated with school so we don't support these expenses. This also gives him a taste of self sufficiency and real world experience of paying bills and saving and budgeting money for his expenses. He is also aware that within six months of graduation he should have full time employment with a decent salary and should have his own living arrangements outside of our house. As with all of our children, if he/she needs to live at home for an acceptable reason (like saving for a down payment on a house), then he/she will be working full time and he/she will be paying a very modest amount of rent and contributing to the upkeep of the household. As someone else mentioned, we would also put the rent aside and refund it when he/she is financially able to live on their own; although we don't tell them that until they are ready to move out.
BTW OP, I commend you as well as your parent(s) for your maturity and your level of responsibility. I would adopt you in 2 seconds flat......some of my children are like you, some are not.....but that is another several stories....LOL
Why not let your mother decide what's best for her? If you can afford $100 per month, show her how you're figuring that. Offer it to her as rent if she wants it and ask if there is some other way she would prefer you help out, via tasks, paying a utility bill, etc.
I agree that as long as you're a student I don't think most parents expect rent. It's the one who are, or SHOULD BE, working who shouldn't be mooching off parents so they can spend their money unwisely. I know people in their thirties who live with Mom and Dad because they claim they can't make ends meet. Heck, I know a couple who have an adult child, her husband and their children (!) living at their house because supposedly they're "saving" for a house and they just can't seem to pull together a big enough down payment. They've been saving for three years now. Still no down payment but they have a nice vehicle, department-store clothes, and new tattoos every time I see them. AND they take vacations I can't afford.
In cases like that, the parents are at fault as much as the offspring. Why do they allow that? But that's not your situation, obviously. Let your Mom decide. If she lets you off the hook with the money, show your gratitude by doing work around the house that would be hard for her. If she does need financial help, let her decide how you deliver it.
If you can afford the money then there's no reason why you should not contribute to the household . There are other ways to help out besides handing her cash . Groceries , gas , etc.
I've told my kids that they will be paying rent if they live at home as adults, but NOT while they are in school. Once done with school, they must work 40 hours a week (even if it's two 20-hr-a-week part-time jobs) and can pay rent to me or move out and pay rent elsewhere.
If you are in school full time and maintaining grades while working, I would expect some assistance with food and/or expenses as part of the "adulting" process.
My mother charged me a small amount when I returned home and was going to school and working after being in the Army. After living with her for ~9 months to get on my feet I was prepared to move out. On that day she came to me with a check for the rent I had paid while there and offered it back to me as an unexpected bonus. The lesson was in responsibility, not in the actual dollar amount.
Today I have a special needs adult son living with me who I charge a small amount to help cover the costs associated with feeding and caring for him. A) It holds him responsible for some expenses and teaches there is no free ride. B) SSI reduces his payment if he cannot show any expenses, and then there is potential issues with him retaining his health coverage.
I've seen it from both sides and think it is mature of you to be contributing, and should be a point of discussion openly carried out and ongoing with your mother. Work it out together.
If some of the postings here are representative of what is happening to America, we are doomed.
Your job as a parent is to prepare your offspring for life. Coddling a healthy, working age, adult "child" by giving them free room and board is not a good long term solution to the person's well being. Even the concept of going to school does not eliminate the need to pull your weight.
People must be taught to have some "skin in the game."
This must be why crazy people like Bernie Sanders now gain so much traction. "Free" schooling - "free" health care - "free" whatever.
Before I die, I expect to see whacky people getting traction with the concept of "free" medical marijauna.
Pay your mother room and board. You will feel better about yourself.
In people's lives stuff happens. It seems to me the people who have a strong family support system are the one's who fair better down the road. The concept of booting family members out at legal age seems foreign to me, its like the State foster system. There is a difference between supporting an adult child who is not working or going to school or does not have any intention of doing so and is just being a burden and helping out an adult child through a transition period.
Often adult children are in the position to move their elderly parents in with them or provide some level of care. Should parents also pay rent or wages to their adult children?
I think you idea is a very nice and thoughtful one, but the one you need to be talking to is your mom. :-) She may prefer that you save your money for college expenses or to have some money to be able to go out on your own when you finish college.
I never charged either of my kids rent when they stayed at home. On the other hand, they were quite willing to pitch in with running the house (lawn care, cleaning, food prep, laundry, etc.) -- it worked out for us, and everyone seemed happy with the arrangement. Once they were finishing up college and living at home for a year or two launching their careers, they were more like sweet, thoughtful, fun roommates. :-)
They are both out of the house now and living on their own. Giving a kid a chance to create a financial cushion is, to me, a good thing. I understand that there may be virtue in struggling -- but it does seem as though there's also virtue in allowing someone to be able to launch a career without them having to buy ramen noodles in bulk.
Recently, I've realized that I need to become more independent and responsible, so I'm toying with the idea of paying my mom rent. I'm 21, and live at home with her. But I do work part time at a low paying job (30 hours a week), while commuting to a nearby 4 year university to study secondary education full time.
My mom isn't even making me pay rent, but I feel bad for taking advantage of her in a way. I don't spend my money recklessly; I've saved some up. However, if I improved my spending habits and budget, my savings could increase by a decent amount. Part of budgeting and saving for me includes helping my mom out in a way (at first I wanted to pay a utility, but now I want to give her like $100 from each paycheck for her to put towards food, or a bill, etc, so $200 a month). Also, I do have some responsibilities, but I'm privileged in that my mom helps pay my tuition, and I use her car to get around when she doesn't need it. I pay to fill up the tank every week, for my school textbooks, my phone bill, as well as any spending money to go out or buy food/clothes.
What does everyone think? I'd especially like to hear the opinions' of parents & their experience with this.
How 'bout if you simply offer to pay rent? I was expected to pay rent the minute I got my first job at age 15. I paid my Mom $150.00 each month. Until I moved out at age 18. Now, here is the good twist to this horrible situation for me at that age... at my HS graduation my Mom handed me a check for all the rent I had paid from day 1. It was a very nice savings to start out with, at that time. I was able to upgrade my living situation and my car as well as leaving the majority of it in the bank. I miss my Mom. She was certainly 'Old School' but she never flinched when it came to helping others.
Koale
I didn’t read the responses but IMO, I would rather my kid take the $ they want to pay me in rent and apply it towards their retirement or savings towards a house or towards grad school.
As an aside, you should be commended for your attitude. In a world where you hear kids your age being and acting so entitled, it’s refreshing to hear from someone who is responsible and appreciative. I wish my kid to have the same attitude when he is 21.
Best of luck.
Edit: I started paying rent to my mother at 23. I was done with college and had been working almost 2 years. I moved out about 1 year later.
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well...
