Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 08-04-2016, 02:41 PM
 
766 posts, read 1,246,563 times
Reputation: 1112

Advertisements

Now I'll always have love for my father simply because he's my father but he's always been a disgusting human being and the older I get, the more I'm able to critically think about his horrid behavior. He's never been physically abusive to us but the years of verbal abuse and horrific manipulation tends to corrode any respect that I have for him. He guilt trips me and tells me that I should respect him, but then he goes on a hatred filled tirade and calls me ****** along with other horrible things (I'm gay btw). Now I'm just waiting for the day till he dies so that we can buy his house from the bank and won't have to support him (he took out a reverse mortgage and blew the cash on junk so now has to depend on us, another one of his selfish acts.) If he were the one to have actually supported family, I would not mind helping him out. But all the money he made, he blew on himself and because of him, we almost lost our house various times. I feel bad admitting it, but I'm looking forward to the day he croaks. Am I a horrible human?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 08-04-2016, 02:52 PM
 
237 posts, read 223,366 times
Reputation: 947
Does that make you a horrible human? Not in my book. At least you're honest. You just said you wished he was dead, not that you wanted to kill him.

If I was in your situation, I would have gone No Contact long ago, which would mean he was "dead" to me anyway.

Abuse doesn't have to be physical to count as abuse.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-04-2016, 02:58 PM
 
Location: southwestern PA
22,292 posts, read 47,230,980 times
Reputation: 47267
Cut him out of your life.
You mentioned in another thread that your parents are divorced and that you live with your mom.

No contact should be easy.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-04-2016, 03:00 PM
 
16,349 posts, read 12,326,172 times
Reputation: 59364
Well, I want my father to die, but for a different reason. He's in skilled nursing, dealing with alzheimers, a stroke, and stage 4 bladder cancer. It's tough to admit, but I wish he'd have a massive coronary to end his suffering quickly.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-04-2016, 03:16 PM
 
16,235 posts, read 25,095,502 times
Reputation: 27047
OP.....What many people don't realize is that emotional abuse is just as devastating as physical emotionally....You just can't show people the bruises. In some ways that makes emotional abuse worse.

You should go for personal counseling, or find a support group in your area to attend so that you can release some of this anger which would help you.

I think that you should call a local agency, that helps folks with whatever your Dad's condition is and make arrangements for his care....then walk away if that's what you need to do.

I know nothing about reverse mortgages....

You don't say how old your parent is....But, APS Adult Protective Services might be warranted if he cannot take care of himself and you can't either. https://www.caring.com/questions/adu...ctive-services

https://www.caring.com/questions/adu...ctive-services

http://www.angermanagementresource.c...otionally-abus
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-04-2016, 03:22 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
30,585 posts, read 24,955,649 times
Reputation: 50789
Quote:
Originally Posted by philopower View Post
Now I'll always have love for my father simply because he's my father but he's always been a disgusting human being and the older I get, the more I'm able to critically think about his horrid behavior. He's never been physically abusive to us but the years of verbal abuse and horrific manipulation tends to corrode any respect that I have for him. He guilt trips me and tells me that I should respect him, but then he goes on a hatred filled tirade and calls me ****** along with other horrible things (I'm gay btw). Now I'm just waiting for the day till he dies so that we can buy his house from the bank and won't have to support him (he took out a reverse mortgage and blew the cash on junk so now has to depend on us, another one of his selfish acts.) If he were the one to have actually supported family, I would not mind helping him out. But all the money he made, he blew on himself and because of him, we almost lost our house various times. I feel bad admitting it, but I'm looking forward to the day he croaks. Am I a horrible human?
Why are you supporting him?

If you are supporting him, why does he call you names?

if he calls you names, why are you supporting him?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-04-2016, 03:37 PM
 
997 posts, read 929,341 times
Reputation: 2363
You talk about him losing 'our' house. Is this your house? Did you buy it? Do you own it? Did you build it? Did you pay the mortgage for 30 years?

It was your dad's house. He couldn't have taken out a reverse mortgage without your mother's signature if she was on the title

In fact, he couldn't have taken out a reverse mortgage if your name was on the title.

To me, it sounds like it was his house.

What he did with it was his business. He has an obligation to support you until you turn 18 and that's it. Support means housing and food. He is responsible for a portion of your support until you become of age and then his responsibility is over.

I don't understand the sense of entitlement. When you grow up then your parents business and belongings is none of your concern. Your fathers house was never yours.

If you live there you might pay rent. That is not supporting your father, that is supporting yourself.

I think it is really bad to wish your father dead. You should put that in his next birthday card.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-04-2016, 04:39 PM
 
Location: Raleigh, NC
2,541 posts, read 5,456,695 times
Reputation: 2602
Quote:
Originally Posted by Veronicka View Post
You talk about him losing 'our' house. Is this your house? Did you buy it? Do you own it? Did you build it? Did you pay the mortgage for 30 years?

It was your dad's house. He couldn't have taken out a reverse mortgage without your mother's signature if she was on the title

In fact, he couldn't have taken out a reverse mortgage if your name was on the title.

To me, it sounds like it was his house.

What he did with it was his business. He has an obligation to support you until you turn 18 and that's it. Support means housing and food. He is responsible for a portion of your support until you become of age and then his responsibility is over.

I don't understand the sense of entitlement. When you grow up then your parents business and belongings is none of your concern. Your fathers house was never yours.

If you live there you might pay rent. That is not supporting your father, that is supporting yourself.

I think it is really bad to wish your father dead. You should put that in his next birthday card.
Yes, but it's different to take out a reverse mortgage, spend all the money and they expect your son to support you financially, which is what it sounds like happened.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-04-2016, 04:43 PM
 
10,196 posts, read 9,822,865 times
Reputation: 24134
My parents aren't in my life really, but sometimes I wonder if I would feel a lot better when they pass on...I don't feel guilty for that. I don't know how I will feel until it happens. But...it does feel like I would finally have closure from their abuse.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-04-2016, 04:44 PM
 
766 posts, read 1,246,563 times
Reputation: 1112
Quote:
Originally Posted by pegotty View Post
Yes, but it's different to take out a reverse mortgage, spend all the money and they expect your son to support you financially, which is what it sounds like happened.
Exactly. And it was never just his house. My mom got screwed in the divorce after she was the one who paid most of the mortgage payments and spending her own money remodeling the place. He ended up getting the house after refusing to sign the divorce papers and my mom wanted out asap so she conceded the house
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top