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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LowonLuck
You must not see your parents almost every day... Believe me dinners suck when your mother is telling your husband what she thinks of him in the middle of a restaurant.
Would greatly appreciate some advice. I am 32 and have been married to an asian woman for a year and a half after two years of dating. She is from Japan but has been in the U. S. for nine years and originally came here for university and has managed to get a great job. She does occasionally go back to see her family and I have gone with her once and had a great time.
The issue is my mother has never approved of it and has been nasty to me and my wife. When we went to stay with her for a week when my wife (then girlfriend at the time) would try to talk to her she would ignore her or even try to make her clean or other things. My mother has told me I am being selfish and saying things like "she just wants you for your money" and "if you have kids they won't even look like you".
It's not exactly the first time she has displayed such behavior when I was younger and would tell her I was dating she would ask what part of town she was in and say things that would definitely not be politically correct. She is 57 so I get part of it could be her age but I have told her this is the woman I love and that's that.
My father passed several years ago so he never got to meet her but I think he would be more understanding.
I just wonder if at her age there is much I can do to change her mind.
Tell your mom she is the granddaughter of a Kamikaze Pilot.
Your mother is a piece of work...... just like my dad... he says some pretty racist stuff... I almost can't wait for the older generation to just die off, maybe we'll get a little relief.
Gee, thanks. How idiotic and ignorant. My wife is 68 and I'm 70. Neither of us is racist and we don't intend to die off anytime soon to satisfy ageists like you who make foolish and unfeeling statements. It's upsetting to think that when we do, people like you will be left.
Gee, thanks. How idiotic and ignorant. My wife is 68 and I'm 70. Neither of us is racist and we don't intend to die off anytime soon to satisfy ageists like you who make foolish and unfeeling statements. It's upsetting to think that when we do, people like you will be left.
Don't take it so personally, I was just running my mouth off. I don't want people to die, was just a bit frustrated. I like your posts and I don't mean to offend. I'm not a spring chicken myself, I'm pushing 50 here in a couple of years and am become a bit more aware of age discrimination.
I've just had to deal with my dad and others over the years and it's a bit annoying. My dad finally has mellowed out on saying racist stuff. When Obama took office I was like man... gonna have to hear about him and probably the use of the N word. For some reason he never called him that... can't figure out why, but whatever.
Mrs. CHow is half white and half Mexican and I thought I'd have to hear racial slurs like "*******" or a host of others, but he didn't. Unlike the OP my dad was respectful toward women I brought home.
He one time when I was about 11 or 12 he tells me "Son, just don't bring home some ****** broad"
Nice... nice thing to tell a young and impressionable mind.
I am mixed white/Japanese, lucky for me, I've never had this type of problems and the parents normally like me a lot.
My boyfriend's grandpa was a ww2 vet fought with the Japanese, I got another one fought with the Germans. LOL Lucky for me, they never viewed me as somebody different. They viewed me as just another American girl.
all b.s aside, you cannot change your mother and I am sure she has your best interests in her mind. Respect is the key. SO no confrontation.
Maybe you should set some boundaries. Let your mom know that if there is no respect, you won't be coming over anymore.
Best of luck.
add:In term of looks, I think your children will look like both of you. But mixed children have different experiences growing up. Something to think about.
Sometimes I think people here are stuck in some weird time warp.
What does the mum's age have anything to do with this?
She's only 57, not 97. 20 years ago she would have been in her 30's in 1996. It's like the thread that insinuated someone in their mid 40's would view a woman's place as being in the kitchen. Come on people.
Grow a pair and tell your mum to deal with it.
Your significant other is your priority in life not what your parents think.
Don't take it so personally, I was just running my mouth off. I don't want people to die, was just a bit frustrated. I like your posts and I don't mean to offend. I'm not a spring chicken myself, I'm pushing 50 here in a couple of years and am become a bit more aware of age discrimination.
I've just had to deal with my dad and others over the years and it's a bit annoying. My dad finally has mellowed out on saying racist stuff. When Obama took office I was like man... gonna have to hear about him and probably the use of the N word. For some reason he never called him that... can't figure out why, but whatever.
Mrs. CHow is half white and half Mexican and I thought I'd have to hear racial slurs like "*******" or a host of others, but he didn't. Unlike the OP my dad was respectful toward women I brought home.
He one time when I was about 11 or 12 he tells me "Son, just don't bring home some ****** broad"
Nice... nice thing to tell a young and impressionable mind.
This sounds like my dad, who I did not live with or even see a whole hell of a lot when I was young. I went on to find out a little later in life that my grandfather (maternal grandfather) is actually quite a bit racist. But I never knew this growing up, as I never heard him use any kind of a racial slur until I was definitely in my late teens, maybe even closer to 20 than anything.
I spent a week with my dad when I was 12, the first time I saw him since I was 5, outside of spending one day together, which was two months earlier. And just 25 minutes into the drive, he's using the N word as we pass by a car of black people. I did know what this word meant and I had heard it used before, but only in movies or maybe in a Chris Rock or Richard Pryor stand-up comedy act. Never heard this word uttered by my mom or stepdad or grandparents up to that point. Then I asked him "So you don't black people?" And he got into his beliefs and then I started discovering all of these slurs within that week. And the other slurs, I really hadn't ever heard spoken at all before, not anywhere.
I would have to disown my parents completely and my children have a wonderful relationship with my parents. They would be debased if we cut ties with my family.
I am mixed white/Japanese, lucky for me, I've never had this type of problems and the parents normally like me a lot.
My boyfriend's grandpa was a ww2 vet fought with the Japanese, I got another one fought with the Germans. LOL Lucky for me, they never viewed me as somebody different. They viewed me as just another American girl.
all b.s aside, you cannot change your mother and I am sure she has your best interests in her mind. Respect is the key. SO no confrontation.
Maybe you should set some boundaries. Let your mom know that if there is no respect, you won't be coming over anymore.
Best of luck.
add:In term of looks, I think your children will look like both of you. But mixed children have different experiences growing up. Something to think about.
Sometimes I think people here are stuck in some weird time warp.
What does the mum's age have anything to do with this?
She's only 57, not 97. 20 years ago she would have been in her 30's in 1996. It's like the thread that insinuated someone in their mid 40's would view a woman's place as being in the kitchen. Come on people.
Grow a pair and tell your mum to deal with it.
Your significant other is your priority in life not what your parents think.
Yeah 57 is actually not that old or even in the "Old fashioned" generation.
My dad was 50 when he died, born in 1963 and he was one of the more racist people I've ever personally met. And he grew up and spent most of his life in New Jersey. I do find that people born in the 40's and prior are maybe a little more openly racist than those younger. Although a lot of the hippie generation was born in the 40's too. Though I think there's also plenty of people born in the 90's and sadly even 00's that are racist and were raised that way. Plenty of people born in the early 80's like myself as well.
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