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There's a world of difference between commenting on the weather and making an ambiguous personal remark. For those who don't know the difference, I can't help you. Might want to read up on etiquette and manners.
For those who are constantly thinking there's more to an innocent observation than the innocent observation, I can't help you.
Oy ... Might want to read up on interpersonal communication and the art of conversation.
This reminds me of a time I was sitting at a bar with two friends and we had been sitting there chatting for a long time
As we got up to leave, a guy who had been sitting at a table behind us says 'Nice belt'
I would say this fits OP's "ambiguous compliment" criteria.
After thanking him and trying to strike up conversation (obliviously), it became clear he was being passive-aggressive, I guess in the sense that he had a problem with my belt...?
But as I was feeling well, I didn't take it as an insult.
Whether the ambiguity is taken as good or bad, I think, can have something to do with how you're feeling about yourself.
Act surprised. "What? My hair is SHORTER AND BLONDE? It was long and brunette when I went to bed last night! What the ding dong happened?!" As for the swimsuit... "This is body paint. I'm completely nude, actually. Touch it. See if I am not telling the truth. Amazing, isn't it?"
My neighbor was complaining about raccoons in her raspberry bushes (for the 14th time!) and she said, "We never had raccoons damaging the raspberry bushes in 20 years, so SOMETHING must have led them here." She looked pointedly at me like I was going out and recruiting raccoons to come and attack her raspberry bushes. I have bird feeders out and the person who lived here before me never did. So I guess I'm responsible for the raccoon rowdiness. I didn't even know I had such skills. (Such passive aggression. I'd rather she just point her finger in my face and say, "You! You have brought raccoons upon us!")
Once I was at a festival...guess I was around 19 y/o...and my camp was chatting with one of our neighbors a lot every day...guess his wife didn't like it too much as she once said something about 'How many kids there are at this festival this year' followed by giving me a death stare.
I sort of just smiled and carried on chatting with the guy. It really didn't register that I was a kid to her!
It's just not an effective way of handling a situation one isn't comfortable with!
And, no, I would not think them rude at all to not comment on my appearance.
I had to ask a male coworker to stop commenting on my appearance. It's usually best to keep such comments to yourself unless it's a genuine heartfelt compliment for someone you are close with and / or a member of the same sex imho.
Yeah... the Capt. Obvious thing IS passive aggressive... it's downright rude.
I keep trying to figure out how "Oh, you cut your hair!" could possibly be considered passive aggressive unless accompanied by a sneer from someone who usually gushes about her long beautiful hair or something.
It's seriously just an observation. People make them all the time. "Wow, it sure is hot." "Oh, you got a new car." "This line is so long!" "You cut your hair." I'm no great socializer, but these types of statements seem like human interaction 101 to me.
Totally agree with you...it's rude, actually it's rude and uncalled for.
Why act like ***** when it's not needed? Someone pays you a compliment so you pay them back by being nasty? Now, if they were nasty with hair cut comment, that would be one thing, but no one was being vague/random or passive aggressive with their compliments.
The poster who posted about her MIL making a 'fat' comment, was well within her rights of being a bit nasty and I would've reacted the same exact way. The pot shouldn't be calling the kettle black because the pot is as black as they come.
Why act like ***** when it's not needed? Someone pays you a compliment so you pay them back by being nasty? Now, if they were nasty with hair cut comment, that would be one thing, but no one was being vague/random or passive aggressive with their compliments.
I think the "vague/random" and possibly "passive aggressive" phrases are mentioned because..."you cut your hair" isn't a compliment. It's an observation.
Consider this: The "correct" response to an observation would be "Yes" whereas the correct response to a compliment would be "Thank you."
"You're wearing pants" isn't a compliment. It's an observation. "It sure is hot!" "Wow, Johnny's grown so tall" "You look tired" "You sure are chipper" are all observations.
Nothing wrong necessarily with observations. They can be perfectly fine conversation starters. But they are not compliments.
By definition a compliment must imply praise, admiration or respect. However, that positive implication can be conveyed through a speakers tone and facial expression, so that makes it difficult to discuss these phrases on a text-only forum such as this.
My problem is I never think of the right thing to say back, until much later on.
I knew someone who was excited about their first trip to London and another person started saying "oh, I've been there like ten times, it's no big deal". I thought it was rude in passive aggressive way.
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I have bird feeders out and the person who lived here before me never did. So I guess I'm responsible for the raccoon rowdiness. I didn't even know I had such skills. (Such passive aggression. I'd rather she just point her finger in my face and say, "You! You have brought raccoons upon us!")
