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If you like to read, check out Britt-Marie was Here. It has a few small parallels to your situation (mostly just that it's a woman of 63 who ends up moving for a year to a remote small town due to circumstances she didn't like or anticipate) and it's a really enjoyable read.
My opinion about Mindy is that you should drop her. She is not a good friend.
How cool. Thank you for that. I'm a writer, too, and I've been thinking this isolation might be kind of good for me in that respect. I'll definitely check it out.
I would never move to another state away from my family, especially under the conditions you describe, remote, isolated with no amenities.
I think you should make up a hardship story, and see if you can get out of the pending lease. You can find something in your current location.
And, you mentioned that your current lease is up in Oct. Is this where you live with your daughter?
Try to break the lease. If you can't, then try to enjoy your one year there. Explore the area, make new friends. It might be fun!
I wouldn't go out of my way to visit Mindy. If she wants to be a friend, she can visit you.
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Originally Posted by RubyDee
When it comes to friendships or relationships in general I only put in as much effort as they do. It sounds like this is a one sided friendship and I would have stopped talking to her along time ago. You said you were friends from high school well you are not in high school anymore maybe you just out grew each other. Break the lease and let the friendship go.
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Originally Posted by froglipz
YES, you are right to end the friendship such that is is! k:
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Originally Posted by Pookie
She wouldn't be a friend of mine. I'd dump her.
All this.
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Originally Posted by JAMS14
I agree that this situation turned out to be better for her. But please don't think that she wasn't all in when she came with me to look for places. She was really excited that I was moving close to her. We were making plans for things we were going to do once we were there. We had been in this process for about a month before I actually signed a lease, and when I did, it was when she was less than a week away from her move. So I don't think that it was impractical for me to assume she was going to actually make the move.
And I don't think that translates into "neediness." I have other friends and a whole lot of family, so she isn't the only person I have in my life. But we were going to embark on an adventure together and she backed out at the last minute, when I was at a point where I couldn't back out. I don't think I am out of line to be a little pissed about that.
I know I alone am responsible for my own life, and that she needs to do what is best for her as well. I get that and I agree with that. The thing that has me questioning the value of this friendship is her total apathy to my feelings. If she had come to me and apologized, expressed any regret whatsoever for changing her plans knowing how that would affect me, I would have been okay with it. But she is of the view that backing out within five days should not be upsetting to me in any way. She simply thinks I need to get over it.
Which I will. But I will probably "get over it" without her in my future.
As for the lease, I have talked to the landlord. He will not let me out of it unless he can rent it before October 1st. After that, I will be responsible for the rent whether I am living there or not. As as I cannot afford to pay two rents, I will most likely make the move and see what comes of it.
I believe things happen for a reason, so maybe this is where I'm supposed to be. Either way, I'll be fine. Just a little sadder and wiser.
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Originally Posted by JAMS14
I have no intention of suing. I signed the lease, and I accept my responsibility. I have until mid-October on my current lease, so I'm going to give him 2-3 weeks to try to re-rent it. Otherwise, I will fulfill my obligation to the contract I signed.
Thanks, Ruth.
On the plus side, it's a really nice place, and because it's in a rather remote location I'm getting a lot of house for not a lot of money. I will make the best of it if it comes to that.
I will probably earn another infraction for this, but I mean this in the nicest way I can. You sound like one heck of a push-over. First, willing to move so that she would have someone close, then willing to do it anyways to not inconvenience the new landlord. She was excited because she wouldn't end up doing it alone, and would have you as a backup friend near by. It sounds like its been very clear over the years, that she is not willing to put effort into a friendship, you are just her friend. You deserve better than that. Whether its in your new small town or not, it sounds like you need some new people in your life.
If you are still not certain on ending it; give her a cold shoulder. let the voice mail pick up (if she calls) and see what kind of effort she makes. If she goes twice as long as you would, then you really have your answer (for another time).
Is the landlord going to charge you for one month, or until he can get someone else to lease?
I have known Mindy since junior high school. Through high school we were best friends, and we remained close for about three years following graduation. Then marriages and moves kind of separated us, though we occasionally touched base briefly through the years.
Last year, out of the blue, Mindy contacted a sibling of mine who was giving a performance, and when she was told I would be there, she surprised me by showing up. We renewed our friendship and have been in contact fairly regularly for the last year. She lives about an hour away from me, and I have been to her place many times in that year. She has never once made the return journey to visit me where I reside, though she has been invited numerous times.
I am currently sharing a house with my 30 year old daughter, who has decided she wants to live alone. I’m cool with this, as I am feeling the same need. I have a job that allows me to work from home as long as I have a good Internet connection, so I can virtually go anywhere I choose.
Mindy had been having disagreements with her current landlord, and told me she was moving to another area in a neighboring state. We thought it would be fun if I found a place near her and we could start over together. We spent several days together scoping out possible places for me which would be near her. I found a place I liked that was literally 10 minutes away from the house she had contracted to rent, and I signed a one year lease.
This is a fairly remote area—the closest population center of any size is more than an hour away, and it’s hours away from my two kids and most of the rest of my family, but I had my good friend nearby and was excited about the move.
One week before she was supposed to move (I was going to follow a month later, when my new lease is slated to begin) she told me she changed her mind and decided to move to another place that was 10 minutes from where she currently was. Admittedly, this new place is a better fit for her than the place she was going to move to.
But now I find myself locked into a lease I cannot get out of, hours away from everyone I know, in a very remote part of a state I’ve never lived in. Mindy showed no remorse at backing out on such short notice, and basically told me I was being silly for being upset about it. She said we’ll still be within about 90 minutes of each other and she will come and see me. But she never came to see me when we were within an hour of each other before, so I know this is BS. If the friendship is to survive, it will be me doing all of the traveling.
To top it off, I had told her I would help her move back when she was moving with me out of state, but since she was staying in the neighborhood, she had plenty of help and didn’t need me, so I told her via text I wouldn’t be there. She berated me, saying it would have been nice to have her friend around, and she was disappointed in me because I wasn’t excited that she found a great place, ending with this passive/aggressive zinger “But I won’t hold it against you. I still love you.”
I am devastated by this turn of events. I will be moving by myself in four weeks, far from family and friends, and have had to work really hard to keep myself from going under emotionally. Mindy has indicated that she thinks our friendship will go on as before, but I have no interest in this friendship any longer. I feel like she doesn’t really understand how she pulled the rug out from under me, and thinks I’m being overly sensitive about the change of plans.
Am I being too hard on her? This new place will be better for her, so should I just try to be happy for her and let this go?
You made a mistake by depending on her too much, for friendship. This move to a distant place should have had some other purpose or benefits, other than her also being there. It would be a lot easier to buy out this obligation to the lease now, before you move. Once you go to all the expense and work of moving there, it will be much harder for you to come back near your family.
I have no intention of suing. I signed the lease, and I accept my responsibility. I have until mid-October on my current lease, so I'm going to give him 2-3 weeks to try to re-rent it. Otherwise, I will fulfill my obligation to the contract I signed.
Thanks, Ruth.
On the plus side, it's a really nice place, and because it's in a rather remote location I'm getting a lot of house for not a lot of money. I will make the best of it if it comes to that.
Good for you - make the best of it; who knows you might wind up loving it or finding new friends. It's easy for people to say "you should have done this or you should have done that"; however it's done, and if you can't change it, embrace it.
Sometimes we learn lessons the hard way. Good luck and let us know how you like your new place if you do, in fact, move there.
Not sure what your point is here. Even if the lease termination fee is equal to one month's rent (and it may not be) paying it is cheaper than holding up the contractual obligation of 12 months' rent.
Oh dear what a predicament JAMS14. I'm just wondering why you would be willing change your whole life around for someone who is basically a stranger? You both are not the same people you were in high school. I just find it odd that you would be willing to do something that impulsive. With that being said I would think that you should be equally mad at yourself for doing something like that without actually seeing if your friend moved first.
Yes what your friend did to you was crappy, but I'd like to understand her point of view before I condemn her. It would determine if she was worth a second chance or not. We ultimately have to be responsible for our own mistakes, and yours was not getting to know your friend better before you committed to making the move.
I'm sure this whole experience has left a bad taste in your mouth about the friendship, but if you do move, try to make the best of it and see where it takes you. One year is a blink of an eye and you can always move back home if you find it not to your liking. In a way I'm kind of envious of you having that kind of freedom to pick up and go where you want to go. There's that adventurous side of me that would love to be able to just pick up and move some where else for 6 months to explore something different, but life has too many chains on me right now to do that.
Whatever you decide to do about the friendship learn from your mistake and don't be so giving next time. Friends should treasure friends and always have their best interest at heart. It's nice to be a giver but do so with your eyes wide open, and give only to those who have proven to be worthy. The rest will find their place at the curb if they aren't really friends.
How cool. Thank you for that. I'm a writer, too, and I've been thinking this isolation might be kind of good for me in that respect. I'll definitely check it out.
Before I get into the positives of your situation, I have to ask.. What the heck were you thinking, girl? You uprooted your entire life for a chance at friendship? Did common sense go out the door when your daughter left?
I think a lot of what happened with you stems from empty nest syndrome and Mindy was a way to alleviate that. That's a pretty heavy burden to place on someone. She may have felt that and didn't want the responsibility of being your only friend or to feel responsible for your happiness.
Either way, she's totally unreliable. If you can accept that in a friendship knowing what she's like, then there's no need to drop her completely. Just don't expect her to change and you won't be disappointed.
But, living in an isolated area is the perfect place to write that novel. This whole situation may be a blessing in disguise. If you choose not to, or can't get out of the lease make the most of it.
In the meantime you've got to do some soul searching and figure out what's missing in your life and how you can be happy and not have to rely on others for that.
I have known Mindy since junior high school. Through high school we were best friends, and we remained close for about three years following graduation. Then marriages and moves kind of separated us, though we occasionally touched base briefly through the years.
Last year, out of the blue, Mindy contacted a sibling of mine who was giving a performance, and when she was told I would be there, she surprised me by showing up. We renewed our friendship and have been in contact fairly regularly for the last year. She lives about an hour away from me, and I have been to her place many times in that year. She has never once made the return journey to visit me where I reside, though she has been invited numerous times.
I am currently sharing a house with my 30 year old daughter, who has decided she wants to live alone. I’m cool with this, as I am feeling the same need. I have a job that allows me to work from home as long as I have a good Internet connection, so I can virtually go anywhere I choose.
Mindy had been having disagreements with her current landlord, and told me she was moving to another area in a neighboring state. We thought it would be fun if I found a place near her and we could start over together. We spent several days together scoping out possible places for me which would be near her. I found a place I liked that was literally 10 minutes away from the house she had contracted to rent, and I signed a one year lease.
This is a fairly remote area—the closest population center of any size is more than an hour away, and it’s hours away from my two kids and most of the rest of my family, but I had my good friend nearby and was excited about the move.
One week before she was supposed to move (I was going to follow a month later, when my new lease is slated to begin) she told me she changed her mind and decided to move to another place that was 10 minutes from where she currently was. Admittedly, this new place is a better fit for her than the place she was going to move to.
But now I find myself locked into a lease I cannot get out of, hours away from everyone I know, in a very remote part of a state I’ve never lived in. Mindy showed no remorse at backing out on such short notice, and basically told me I was being silly for being upset about it. She said we’ll still be within about 90 minutes of each other and she will come and see me. But she never came to see me when we were within an hour of each other before, so I know this is BS. If the friendship is to survive, it will be me doing all of the traveling.
To top it off, I had told her I would help her move back when she was moving with me out of state, but since she was staying in the neighborhood, she had plenty of help and didn’t need me, so I told her via text I wouldn’t be there. She berated me, saying it would have been nice to have her friend around, and she was disappointed in me because I wasn’t excited that she found a great place, ending with this passive/aggressive zinger “But I won’t hold it against you. I still love you.”
I am devastated by this turn of events. I will be moving by myself in four weeks, far from family and friends, and have had to work really hard to keep myself from going under emotionally. Mindy has indicated that she thinks our friendship will go on as before, but I have no interest in this friendship any longer. I feel like she doesn’t really understand how she pulled the rug out from under me, and thinks I’m being overly sensitive about the change of plans.
Am I being too hard on her? This new place will be better for her, so should I just try to be happy for her and let this go?
Good grief! You must at least be in your 50's if you have a 30 year old daughter. This sounds like something someone 22 might do.
This on you.
This woman isn't a good friend, she is a childhood friend who became a casual acquaintance.
This is about one step or two steps above of women/men who meet someone online and starts sending them money.
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k:
Did common sense go out the door when your daughter left? 
This whole situation may be a blessing in disguise. If you choose not to, or can't get out of the lease make the most of it. 
