insulting to face, complimentary behind back? (jealous, guilty, person, sociopath)
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Has anyone ever experienced a situation where a friend would randomly say blunt, hurtful comments to your face, but then when they talked about you to their friends.. They compliment you? This is really strange to me. One of my friends hardly ever complimented me to my face and would even insult me (low blows..) when we got in arguments. But one of their friend showed me texts from the mean friend, saying how great I was and all this?? I'm so confused why someone would do this.. Is this a sign of sociopathy or something?? I'm not really friends with this person anymore because I cut contact , but their behavior has really confused me.. I was just wondering if this has happened to anyone else..
My dad is like that. He's highly critical to my face, but apparently when he speaks to others about me, he says all the things I'd like to hear from him.
He doesn't deal low blows though. He just never gives praise and is quick to criticize.
I suppose it depends on what the comments are. Are they along the lines of "Well that outfit really makes you look like a stuffed sausage!"? Or something like "Why are wasting away in that dead end job that pays almost nothing and doesn't even use 1/4 of your potential when you could be doing X with your life?" I think there's a difference between the two. I imagine that NLVgal's dad probably says a lot of the latter type of statements, but probably says nice things about her to others.
There are other times people will just say things when they are jealous of you and lashing out- so they'd say those things to your face out of envy but when they describe you to others, it will probably be complimentary.
I suppose it depends on what the comments are. Are they along the lines of "Well that outfit really makes you look like a stuffed sausage!"? Or something like "Why are wasting away in that dead end job that pays almost nothing and doesn't even use 1/4 of your potential when you could be doing X with your life?" I think there's a difference between the two. I imagine that NLVgal's dad probably says a lot of the latter type of statements, but probably says nice things about her to others.
There are other times people will just say things when they are jealous of you and lashing out- so they'd say those things to your face out of envy but when they describe you to others, it will probably be complimentary.
No. He lashes out for other reasons. I think he might feel guilty for cashing my checks and then giving the money to my sister who is his biological child. This isn't my thread though, sorry for the hijack.
I think some people feel more comfortable talking positively about you, than to you. It's weird. But I'm one of them.
Has anyone ever experienced a situation where a friend would randomly say blunt, hurtful comments to your face, but then when they talked about you to their friends.. They compliment you? This is really strange to me. One of my friends hardly ever complimented me to my face and would even insult me (low blows..) when we got in arguments. But one of their friend showed me texts from the mean friend, saying how great I was and all this?? I'm so confused why someone would do this.. Is this a sign of sociopathy or something?? I'm not really friends with this person anymore because I cut contact , but their behavior has really confused me.. I was just wondering if this has happened to anyone else..
Usually it's the other way around, they would talk nice about you in your face, but as soon as your back is turned, your name is mud. As far as the text, your mean friend was actually pretty smart in that regards. I know people who have stop being friends because of not so nice things said about them in a text message that was shown to them by someone else. So I guess you should always try to say something nice about a person in a text even if you don't really mean it, because people who wants to start confusion will show your text to do just that. Sounds like that is your FRENEMY instead of a friend, and on the other hand, keep your friends close and your enemies closer as the saying goes.
Growing up, I had a friend who would go out of her way to mock me, make me feel like a loser, use me as a punching bag and so on. Very mean girl like. I was genuinely surprised when other people would tell me that she regarded me highly, even calling me her "best of the best friend 4 ever". I ended up walking away from her because she was too much of a drama llama and it was never ending. I cut her out and she thought she could bait me back in by badmouthing me to my DH. (DH was completely put off by her diatribe because if I was really as bad as she was saying, then I'm doing her an immense favor by walking away.)
The only takeaway is... That it's really how she best relates to people by treating them like crap and ultimately, you train people on how to treat you. Some people are just... crap people. Could be innately, or just the way they are. Not your problem, simply move on.
Some of my friends and I do the same to one another. We call one another "f----r" and other names. It's a term of endearment. At the end of it all, we all have each others' backs. Don't take it so personally. I'd more worried and pissed off if they're the type who act nicely to their friend's face and when their back is turned, they start talking crap. I'll start wondering what that individual is saying about me behind my back. I don't keep those types around as friends or anything. They're throw away types.
Has anyone ever experienced a situation where a friend would randomly say blunt, hurtful comments to your face, but then when they talked about you to their friends.. They compliment you? This is really strange to me. One of my friends hardly ever complimented me to my face and would even insult me (low blows..) when we got in arguments. But one of their friend showed me texts from the mean friend, saying how great I was and all this?? I'm so confused why someone would do this.. Is this a sign of sociopathy or something?? I'm not really friends with this person anymore because I cut contact , but their behavior has really confused me.. I was just wondering if this has happened to anyone else..
My employer of 27 years did that throughout the entire relationship. Not many compliments to my face though their were some. Lots of blunt criticism, sometimes verging on tantrums. But to everyone else, effusive praise of me and my work, that I keep hearing about even though he and I haven't worked together "officially" for almost two years. In the "real world" we work together all the time.
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